


Someday We'll Know

by seekrest



Series: Maybe In Another Universe [1]
Category: A Walk to Remember (2002), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: @me to me: why are you like this, An A Walk to Remember AU, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Inaccuracies, Mild Language, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Teen Romance, Terminal Illnesses, less enemies and more like rude acquaintances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-07-25 22:22:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 61,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20033305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekrest/pseuds/seekrest
Summary: Peter dazed off in class all the time, daydreaming. She didn’t stalk him, she just liked to keep tabs on people - and it seemed that Peter had become even more distracted than he had ever been before the Blip.Peter was a flake - aloof and quiet in a way that bothered Michelle. He’d been interesting once, always hiding and clearly trying to sneak off and do Spider-Man things. Michelle didn’t know what it was, what other secrets Peter Parker had…But she was absolutely positive she had no interest in learning any more of them.__A Walk to Remember AU





	1. One.

**Author's Note:**

> A Walk to Remember is one of my favorite movies ever & the idea of using it for Peter & MJ both excites me & breaks me.
> 
> Hope you enjoy <3

“You have got to be kidding me.” Mr. Harrington just sighed, a quiet and bone-chilling exhaustion emanating from him from her question that almost makes Michelle feel sorry. She doesn’t, not for what he was asking her to do.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Michelle. New rules say that we can’t have solo captains anymore. It’s a policy change after the Blip, don’t ask me how it works.” Harrington puts his hands up, Michelle’s mouth already open to interrupt. 

“If you want to fight it, take it up with the school board. I doubt they’ll listen but you can try. In the meantime,” he gestured towards Peter Parker, “You and Parker are co-captains.”

Peter gave Michelle a tentative smile, Michelle frowning in return. She turns to Harrington, barely containing the eye roll. 

“How the hell are we supposed to be co-captains? The decathlon team is like, thirteen people. You want us to split up in groups of what, five or six?” Harrington just shrugs, sighing as he looked over to where Flash and Abe were having an argument over something. 

“You two are smart. Figure it out.” Michelle just sighs, rolling her eyes as he walked off, Peter looking steadily at her. 

“So. Hey captain.” 

She looks back at him, sits across from him at the table. 

“Hey.” 

* * *

Michelle wasn’t _ opposed _ to being around Peter Parker. He wasn’t self-absorbed like Flash, or a constant talker like Betty, or a show-off like Brad.

She just didn’t like flakes.

And Peter Parker was the biggest flake of all. 

Before the Blip, Michelle had watched Peter Parker - she wasn’t obsessed with him, just observant - and it was clear that Peter was hiding… something. It wasn’t until after, when the world was returned and went back to whatever the hell passed for normal these days that Michelle was convinced she knew the truth.

Peter Parker was Spider-Man. And that made him the ultimate flake.

Michelle wasn’t an idiot, wasn’t trying to be mean or rude. I mean, if her theory was right - and her theories usually were - Peter being Spider-Man meant that he was a hero, that he was part of everything that brought the world back together again. 

She should thank him, really. 

But being Spider-Man also meant that Peter lied to nearly everyone that he met, except for Ned who clearly knew what was going on as well. Objectively, Michelle knew that a superhero - especially one as beloved as Spider-Man - was a good person and kept secrets for all the right reasons. 

It still didn’t inspire confidence in Peter’s ability to keep a commitment. 

It was common knowledge that Peter had an internship with Tony Stark - a stroke of genius, Michelle thought, as far as cover stories went. Even if he wasn’t Spider-Man, Peter was smart. And if his continued “internship” with Tony Stark was any indication, Peter was likely set for the rest of his life when it came to jobs and opportunities.

Michelle didn’t have that luxury. She knew her parents had saved up plenty for her to go to whatever college she dreamed of, knew she had the grades to get in wherever she wanted. But there was a difference between having not just the knowledge, but the means. The know-how. _ Knowing _ the right people. 

Michelle had all of the former and none of the latter, her parents doing well for themselves but having never gone to college. 

Peter had both - brains and opportunities - and ever since the Blip, had been even more intent on wasting them. 

He skipped out on decathlon practices so much that if Harrington wasn’t so oblivious, it really didn’t make sense for him to be chosen as a co-captain, if for no other reason than Ned being too busy with other clubs and Flash being too much of an asshole to have that kind of power. 

Peter dazed off in class, daydreaming - though even Michelle had to admit it didn’t seem to matter since he would always know whatever answer he needed for any question given towards him. 

She didn’t stalk him, she just liked to keep tabs on people - and it seemed that Peter had become even more aloof than he had ever been before the Blip. 

Michelle grimaced at the thought of having to work with Flash, scowling as she looked into Peter Parker’s face. 

Peter was a flake, aloof and quiet in a way that bothered Michelle. He’d been interesting once, always hiding and clearly trying to sneak off and do Spider-Man things. But now after the Blip, it seemed he skipped out more because he could. Michelle didn’t know what it was, what other secrets Peter Parker had…

But she was absolutely positive she had no interest in learning any more of them. 

* * *

“So I’m thinking, we should probably meet up sometime. Plan ahead for the team?” Michelle listened to Peter as he rambled on, walking outside the school doors. She glances around for the bus, ready to head home when a sleek black car drives up to the front. 

A tall, burly looking guy that Michelle faintly recognizes gets out, looks expectantly at Peter. Peter - ignoring him - looks right at Michelle.

She looks towards the man, then back to Peter, shrugging. “Sure, Parker. Whatever you say.” 

Peter just smiles, tightening his grip on his backpack. 

“You know, for what it’s worth, I think you made a great captain. Solo captain, I mean.” 

Michelle’s eyes narrow, looking at Peter up and down. “Yeah? So why’d you agree to take the gig then?” It’s Peter’s turn to shrug, giving a half-hearted smile.

“Life’s short, you know? Besides, you and I both knew it was either gonna be me or Flash.” They both make a face, the action of it causing Peter to laugh and Michelle to almost smile.

BEEP BEEP.

They both turn, facing the burly guy who was clearly running out of patience. Peter sighs, Michelle nodding her head towards him.

“You got some place to be?” Peter gives a look towards the guy, Michelle watching out of the corner of her eye as the man makes some kind of gesture. Peter shakes his head, turning back to Michelle.

“Nowhere that important.” 

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

“You sure about that?” 

Peter sighs, a hand out. “Okay, okay, I’m coming.” 

“I guess it _ is _ important.” Peter looks towards Michelle, an unreadable expression on his face. Michelle’s taken aback by the intensity of it, the look in Peter’s eyes before he’s seemingly changed his mind about whatever he was going to say, shaking his head. 

“No, not really but… I should go.” He goes to walk down the steps, turning back before he makes it halfway.

“I’ll text you okay? We can meet tomorrow after school. I have this… thing today,” Peter nods his head towards the now surly looking man before continuing, “But I’ll be free tomorrow.” 

Michelle considers it. 

Then relents. 

“Sure Parker. Text me.” 

Peter smiles, turning his back to her. As he walks down the stairs, Michelle watching as the man starts to hurriedly whisper something to Peter - Peter clearly ignoring it - she just tilts her head, thinking.

Peter Parker was a flake, she knew this - it wasn’t his fault. Being a superhero clearly meant that Peter had more to deal with than the average seventeen year old. But as he gets into the car and drives away, Michelle’s still convinced.

She may have to work with Peter Parker for the foreseeable future. 

But she didn’t have to like it. 

* * *

“Peter, when I say meet me outside the school at 3:15, I mean meet me there at 3:15. Not at 3:17 or 3:30 or whenever you feel like it.” Happy glared at him from the front seat, Peter ignoring him as he gazed out the window.

“Are you listening to me?” 

“No.”

Peter smirks, glancing back at Happy who looked completely unamused. 

“This isn’t a game, Pete. You know how it important is for us to get you to the Tower in time for--”

“Yeah, I get it, Happy.” Peter snaps at him, immediately regretting it for the look on Happy’s face. 

Happy wasn’t being a hard ass for no reason, Peter knew he was only trying to look out for him. But Peter was tired of everyone treating him with kid gloves, tired of everyone looking at him as if he was a bomb waiting to go off. 

It’s partly why he liked talking to MJ, whenever she did talk to him anyway. She never seemed to give a shit what anyone ever thought, least of all Peter. 

She may not be happy about the whole co-captain deal, but Peter could at least appreciate that she made that feeling known. Didn’t try to hide it or avoid it to make Peter feel better.

Peter was done with that.

Peter sighs, feeling his shoulders sag. He glances towards the front, sees the concerned look in Happy’s eyes. 

“Sorry, Hap. Just tired alright?”

“Tired? Tired how? You need me to--”

“Tired because school was just boring, Happy. That’s it.” Peter glares at the man, Happy meeting his eyes for a moment before turning back to the road. 

He thinks Happy is finally going to drop it - Peter almost misses the days when the car rides to the Tower used to be silent - when he pipes up again.

“So you wanna tell me what that was all about?” 

“What?”

“You know what,” Happy glances through the rearview mirror, a look that Peter recognizes as equal parts concern and annoyance. “You and the scary girl.”

“MJ?” Peter laughs. “She’s not scary. A little mean sometimes sure, but not scary.” 

“Isn’t that the same girl you had a crush on?” Peter gives him a look, resting his chin on his arm as he leans on the door window. 

“Does it matter?” 

Happy’s silent for a moment. 

“If it matters to you, kid. Matters to me too.” Peter turns to look at Happy, watching as the man almost forcibly keeps his eyes on the road. Happy’s reply had been softer than Peter had been expecting, a pang of remorse cutting through him.

He shouldn’t be so rude to Happy, he was just trying to help. As much as anyone _ could _ help, in Peter’s situation. 

“It’s fine, Happy. You don’t have to worry about me.” Happy sighs, Peter registering the pain of it. 

“I’ll always worry about you, Pete.” 

As the Tower looms in front of them, Peter glancing up as the shadow of it as it comes into view, Peter wonders how long always would end up being. 

* * *

They make it to the Tower in no time, Tony already blasting AC/DC through the speakers. He stops as soon as Peter comes into the room, Happy trailing in after.

“Hey kid, how’s it going? You feeling--”

“I’m fine, Mr. Stark. What’s the plan for today?” Tony gives a glance to Happy, Peter intentionally ignoring the measured and calculated gaze.

Peter was tired - literally and figuratively.

He was tired of May fussing over him, the look of sadness she’d have anytime he left for school - as if that would be the last time she’d see him. 

He was tired of Happy mooning over him, almost wished they could go back to the days when Happy begrudgingly wanted to be around him. 

He was tired of Tony and his questions, the persistent and frenetic attention that in another life - Peter would’ve adored. 

But it was for all the wrong reasons, all because Peter had made what was - objectively - a heroic decision. 

Peter didn’t regret it, was glad that he had done something that in some part saved the universe. But now, Tony’s eyes dancing around him as if he was some problem to fix, Peter almost wishes he’d died on that battlefield.

He winces, shaking the thought. 

No, he didn’t wish that. 

But dying - painful, but quick - had to be better than the alternative. Had to be better than this. 

Slow. Drawn-out. Knowing that each day - each moment - had the chance to be your last. 

Peter sighs, knowing he’s being melodramatic. 

He’s dying though, he can allow himself this. 

Tony’s stopped staring at him, glancing at Happy.

“I got it from here, Hap.”

“You sure, boss? I can--” Tony waves him off, giving him a look that Peter recognizes to mean that he has something he wants to talk about with Peter. 

Happy takes the hint, gives a nod to Peter. 

“I’ll see you in a couple hours, kid.” Peter nods his head back, giving a half-smile.

“Thanks, Happy.”

Happy leaves, the soft whoosh of the doors behind him the only sound in the room. Peter shifts uncomfortably before setting his backpack down, taking a seat at the bench a few steps away from Tony. 

“Pete.”

Peter ignores him, booting up the lab bench’s tabletop system.

“Peter.” 

Peter just hums in response, flicking his hand around as he absentmindedly scrolls through the log he and Tony shared about suit upgrades. 

Peter didn’t go out as nearly as much as he used to, Tony being wildly against the whole idea after… well, everything. But Peter had been insistent, the idea of channeling his attention to the suit and to Spider-Man as much as possible being a constant source of tension between him. 

It made Peter feel _ normal, _like he was still doing something good. Tony argued he’d done enough, the slight bitterness of the decision Peter had made still putting a hard edge to nearly all of their conversations.

But what’s done is done, Peter tried to move on from it. He only wished Tony could too. 

Somehow though, Peter has a feeling _ that _ particular argument isn’t what Tony is pressing him about.

“Kid. Come on..”

Peter sighs, swivelling the chair around.

“If it’s all the same to you, Mr. Stark, I’d really rather just get to work.”

“You know that’s not the deal kid. Vitals first, then lab time.” Peter sighs again, feeling the weight of it. 

“It’s not going to change, Mr. Stark.”

“It might.”

“We do this every time.”

“And we’ll keep doing it.” Tony says, the tone of it indicating he has more to say but won’t. 

_ We’ll do it till I find an answer. We’ll do it till I find a cure. _

Peter twiddles his fingers together before getting up, meeting Tony at his bench. He shrugs off his jacket, rolling up his sleeve for Tony - already poised and ready - to stick the small probe into his skin.

Peter flinches, Tony’s eyes widening.

“Hurts?” 

“No, no,” Peter shaking his head, “Just cold.” 

Tony doesn’t answer, waiting for the slight beep FRIDAY gives. 

“Alright FRI, talk to me.” 

“Blood pressure is within normal levels. Heart rate is as expected.”

“And… the other thing?” Tony avoids Peter’s eyes, glancing up at the screen in front of them. 

“Radiation levels are steady, boss.”

“Overall rate of progression?”

FRIDAY is silent for a beat, Peter recognizing the hesitancy less a matter of her computing power but rather some kind of compassion embedded into her coding. 

“Come on FRIDAY, I can take it.” Peter offers, Tony meeting his gaze.

“Levels are at 58%, Peter.”

Peter nods, accepting this as he takes the probe out. “About what we expected.” Tony closes his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“It’s accelerating.” 

“It’s fine, Mr. Stark.”

“It’s _ not _ fine, Pete.” Tony’s eyes are hard, though Peter can see his jaw work as he swallows. 

“We’re going to fix this. I promise you, we’re-- we’re going to solve this.” Peter offers a smile, the kind that he offered to too many of the adults in his life lately. 

“It’s going to be okay, Mr. Stark.” 

Tony pulls him into a fierce hug, the grip of it almost hurting Peter.

It’d taken Peter dying in his arms, crumbling to dust, for Tony to hug him the first time. 

The next hug he could really remember had been a battlefield, a fight that they’d nearly lost. 

But now, hugging Tony, the mix of cologne, sweat, and motor oil enveloping him, Peter thinks that if dying is what it took for Tony to hug him as fiercely as he does, than maybe the whole thing wasn’t so bad after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I have like 4 WIPS but the last time an idea hit me this hard, I started [The Road Not Taken](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18971959/chapters/45046546) so whatever, it's fine. I'm fine.
> 
> Don't look at me.


	2. Two.

_ Flashes of lights everywhere. Dust. Smoke. Peter is falling, clutching the gauntlet to his chest. _

_ He hits the ground, hard, scrambling and running forward before another blast sends him back. _

_It’s enough to make his mask dematerialize. Peter hunches over, tries to cover himself, as the blasts continue to rain down on the sky. _

_ And then they stop, Peter looking up. _

_ It’s a miracle, someone or something sent from above. Peter watches for a second as whoever it is blasts through Thanos’ ship, the power of it almost overwhelming him. _

_ Everyone is looking up. Everyone is distracted. _

_ Peter looks at the gauntlet, holds it tight to his chest. _

_ And realizes. _

_ This can all be over. Peter can end it - right here, right now - while everyone is looking up, before Thanos or his army has the chance to wreck anything or anyone further. _

_ He sees the radiant beam of light - a person, Peter thinks - shoot up in the sky. Peter takes a deep breath. _

_ And then slips his hand seamlessly into the gauntlet. _

* * *

Peter wakes up with a start, the pressure on his chest weighing on him, gripping him so he can’t breathe. 

He gasps, looking around, trying to take in air as he glances around the room.

He’s in his room. He’s fine. He’s okay.

Peter lets out a weary sigh, feeling the exhaustion slowly crawl over him. 

_ I’m not fine. _

_ It’s not okay. _

He takes a breath, shaky but solid enough that it helps him as he wills himself to calm down. Peter closes his eyes, focusing in on the sound of May’s soft and steady breathing in the other room, the whimpers of the Martinez’ new baby down the hall, some guy arguing with a cat down the street. 

There are sounds everywhere - constant, pressing - but something about the noise distracts Peter, all of it rattling around in his brain like static. 

He used to hate it, the intensity of it, the pressure of everyone’s movement and actions and _ breathing _ weighing on him like a pressure that can’t be lifted. But now Peter accepts it, relishes in it, if for only the few brief moments like tonight - when he’s woken up from a dream, a nightmarish memory, and needs to find something to latch on to. 

Peter feels his breathing start to slow, the noise of the city getting louder and louder until it stops, shaking himself out of it as he opens his eyes. 

He lays back down on the bed, weary as he looks up at the ceiling. Peter glances towards his phone, grabbing it off his nightstand. The glare of the screen back at him shows it’s 4:17am - too early to wake up, but too late to really get a good night’s sleep. 

He sets his phone down anyway, turning over until his back is facing the wall. 

It’s quiet in his room. Too quiet, giving him time to think. 

For someone who now felt permanently exhausted, Peter still hated going back to sleep. It’s something that Ben and May used to get on to him when he was younger, always staying up and playing with his toys long after he was supposed to go to bed. 

It hadn’t stopped as he got older, dressing up in a hoodie then million dollar spandex, swinging around the city.

A part of it was the nightmares - something he’d struggled with for years, long before he’d put on that gauntlet and had nearly snapped himself into oblivion.

A greater part of it was a fear, childish maybe but persistent. 

Peter hated the idea of falling asleep, even as his body screamed at him to rest. Because falling asleep meant he was drifting, falling asleep meant he was fading. 

Falling asleep meant letting go. 

For all his sarcasm and exasperation about the fussing and nagging and hovering of those around him — 

Peter still thought a lot about what letting go would really mean. 

* * *

Peter Parker was late.

Michelle sighed, the annoyance rising as she glanced back to her phone. He’d texted her before school -- too early, strike one -- saying he’d be ready to meet at 3:10, would see her outside of the library. 

Now, it was 3:18 and Peter was nowhere to be seen. Strike two.

Michelle puts her phone in her pocket, glancing around the school hallways. 

She’s being ridiculous, petty in a way that’s beneath her but Michelle can’t help but feel put off by the situation. 

Peter Parker was a flake. Spider-Man or not, he wasn’t reliable. 

It was incredible really, how no one had managed to find out that Peter was Spider-Man. He and Ned were idiots, oblivious to the fact that anyone could overhear their conversations. To think that no one would notice as he yanked a window open, flying out of it right before the Blip. 

Michelle had. She’d noticed everything. But she kept her theories to herself. 

It was aggravating, behind in high school - surrounded by idiots, people more obsessed with who was dating who than anything else. Michelle had hoped that a _ science _ school full of gifted kids would be more committed to their education of all things. 

Her classmates loved chemistry, but - in Michelle’s mind - for all the wrong reasons. 

None of that explains why Peter Parker - who had texted her a confirmation that he was meeting her over lunch, along with a few smiley faces that made Michelle roll her eyes - was late. 

She watched him well enough to know that he didn’t seem to be _ interested _ in anybody, not since Liz anyway but that was months ago. Years, Michelle thinks - if she counted the Blip. Michelle frowns, folding her arms as she leaned against the doorway.

Peter had always been distracted, especially before the Blip - constantly glancing towards the clock, racing to get out of school. It’d settled a little after Liz moved away, Michelle putting two and two together that Peter had ditched the dance for a reason. Spider-Man reasons, if the news was any indication. 

After the Blip, when Peter hadn’t appeared back on the bus - no one else seemed to notice. It had all been too chaotic, people panicked and bewildered at the sudden appearance of half a bus full of kids. 

No one had noticed Peter wasn’t there - except for Ned. 

And Michelle. 

That moment had solidified it for her, the proof she needed to support her theory. 

Peter was Spider-Man. 

But if Peter being Spider-Man was going to make him late for anything related to decathlon, Michelle knew she had to nip this bud before it got even further. 

Michelle gets her phone out again, sees the time is 3:23 and sighs. She’s waited for almost ten minutes, eight minutes longer than she’d planned. She goes to leave when she hears the double doors behind her burst open, hearing the tell-tale slap of sneakers that she knows well enough to be Peter’s. 

“Sorry, sorry, I’m here. I’m here.” Michelle turns to greet him, the scowl on her face evident.

“You’re late.”

“Sorry.”

“You said that.”

“Well, I am.” Peter pants, out of breath. Michelle raises an eyebrow. 

He shouldn’t be so winded, Michelle remembering a time in gym class when Peter had gotten distracted, beating Flash at some sprint. She’d seen Spider-Man in action, knew what he was capable of. 

Whatever, it didn’t matter. Michelle’s still feeling peeved that she’d waited exactly eight minutes and twenty seconds longer than she felt she needed to. 

“Don’t be sorry. Just don’t be late.” Peter nods, Michelle rolling her eyes as she opens the door to the library.

“Actually, I-- I was thinking we could go somewhere else?” Michelle just gives him a look, Peter giving a small smile. 

“Why?”

The smile falls slightly before Peter seems to shake it off, Michelle’s lips quirking up before she can stop them. 

Peter annoyed her, she wouldn’t try to deny it. The lateness. How absent-minded and distracted he always was. Waking her up with texts and emojis too damn early in the morning. 

But Michelle also wasn’t going to lie to herself. 

Peter was cute, she’d watched him first because of that. She may not be obsessed with relationships like half her friend group but she was ambitious, not dead. Peter caught her eye months ago - years really - a puzzle she had wanted to figure out. 

Figuring out he was Spider-Man had been a happy accident. 

Michelle liked to push people’s buttons, liked to see how far she could go. And Peter - no matter what she threw at him - seemed intent on letting it slide. 

It’d be more annoying if it wasn’t so interesting. 

“I just think it’d be a nice change of pace. We’re stuck in school all day, so--”

“Some of us _ like _ school, Parker.” Peter frowns, scratching the back of his neck.

“Yeah, I know. I like school too. It’s just…” He glances around the hallway, seemingly searching for the words he’s trying to say in the linoleum and chipped paint. 

“Just nice to get out sometimes. You know, explore?” Michelle can barely contain the eye roll, breathing out of her nose. 

Of course Peter wouldn’t want to stay in school a minute longer than he needed to. He didn’t seem to want to be there the few hours that he was. 

Michelle couldn’t relate. School was a reminder, a push for her to focus on finishing and getting the hell out of there. She had great parents and a funny, if not annoying, little sister - but Michelle was ready to _ move _ . Get out of New York. Study something - _ anything _ \- as long as it took her far away from the people she’d spent her life around. 

For a city of millions, New York had always still felt too small for Michelle. 

She could understand Peter’s wanderlust, the need to _ go _\- if he showed even an inch of determination to finish high school. 

But she’s not looking for a fight - today, at least. 

“Where exactly did you want to go to ‘explore’?” She says, putting quotations in the air. Peter shrugs, the nonchalance of it setting off Michelle’s nerves further. 

“I don’t know, I was thinking maybe a coffee shop?” 

Michelle lets out a sharp laugh, moving past him as her hand leaves the library door.

“I ask you where you want to explore and you say a coffee shop. You really need to expand your horizons, Parker. Besides, I don’t drink coffee.” 

“Why? I’ll make sure it’s Fair-Trade. I found a couple of places--”

“It’s bitter and gross. People who drink it either have some kind of dependency or have to mask it with a shit ton of milk and sugar.” Michelle pauses, then continues. “Besides, it keeps me up at night.” Peter makes a face, surprised at the honesty before smiling. 

“Okay then. How about a diner or something?” Michelle scrunches up her nose, glancing at Peter. 

“A diner? It’s Midtown Parker, not suburbia.” Peter just laughs, walking in step with her as they make their way out the school’s front doors. 

“Yeah, I know but I saw this place online and---”

“Oh, well that settles everything.” Michelle rolls her eyes, making her way down the steps, Peter not far behind her. 

“Come on, MJ. Don’t be difficult.” She turns to him, watching as he just stares back at her. 

He had circles under his eyes, tired in a way that Michelle recognizes. It’s the kind of tired she’d always used to notice he would be back before the Blip, when she’d been so sure that he was Spider-Man. 

She was still convinced of it, even if she knew that Spider-Man - for whatever reason - hadn’t been nearly as involved in the city as he used to be. It didn’t make sense, for Peter to be constantly late to things and yet to not be going out as Spider-Man. But figuring that out would mean that she cared, that she was interested - that _ he _ was interesting again. 

Michelle had too much to focus on to allow for that to happen. 

Michelle’s face is neutral as she says, “Difficult is my middle name, Parker.” 

“And danger is mine but you don’t see me throwing myself in front of a bus.” A smirk forms on his face, clearly an inside joke with himself but Michelle just ignores it. 

“Look, Parker. I don’t see why we couldn’t just pretend that we met and you let me continue to act as captain.” She gestures out vaguely towards the city. 

“I got places to be and you clearly look like you need a nap, so why don’t you just run off to your internship or whatever the hell it is that you do and let me handle the team.” 

Peter’s eyebrows furrow, a look on his face that Michelle doesn’t recognize. 

“You want to lie?”

Michelle shrugs, looking out to see if the bus was on its way. “What Harrington doesn’t know, won’t kill him.” 

Peter stiffens, Michelle noticing the immediate change. But before she can say anything, Peter speaks up. 

“Well, I’ll know. And I don’t lie.” Michelle looks at him up and down, staring right into his eyes. 

_ You’re Spider-Man. You lie all the damn time. _

“Fine.”

“I don’t need your permission, MJ. We’re in this together.” 

“Whatever.” 

“MJ.” She rolls her eyes, sighing. 

“What do you want from me, Peter? You act as if this even matters to you.” He frowns, Michelle watching in annoyance as the bus flies past them. Great. Now she’d have to wait for the next one. Strike three. 

“Act like… what matters to me?” Michelle moves her hands to gesture between them.

“This. Decathlon. It’s not like you need it.” 

Peter makes a face. “What do you mean by that?” Michelle just looks at him like he’s stupid.

“The internship? Stark? You got it made, Parker. Don’t pretend like you _ need _ any kind of extracurricular to get to whatever college Stark’s pushing on to you.” 

Peter’s face immediately turns neutral. He thinks for a moment before continuing. 

“So… you think I’m not serious about this?” 

“I _ know _ you’re not serious, Parker. You show up to practice like two days out of five. And that’s me being generous.” Peter looks as if he wants to argue but doesn’t, pressing his lips together. 

“You’re smart, Parker. Even I can’t argue that. But you’re distracted. I need focus. I got shit to do, places to go, and I don’t have time to waste with someone who wants to be anywhere but here.” 

“I _ am _ serious about this, MJ.” Peter presses. 

“Well you could’ve fooled me.” 

He purses his lips, mulling it over as Michelle sighs, turning back to the street. She’d have to take the subway now, which she didn’t mind - it just took longer to get home.

“How about I prove it to you?” 

“And how do you plan on doing that?”

“Not being late anymore, for starters.” Peter smiles sheepishly. “And second, I’ll… I can talk to Mr. Stark about setting you up with some some kind of internship or something. Something that’ll help your college apps, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Michelle’s eyes narrow, her pride flaring.

“I don’t need charity, Parker.”

“It’s not charity, MJ.” Peter rolls his eyes, “Mr. Stark is always saying that he’s looking for new talent.”

“That doesn’t sound like him.”

“And you would know that because… ?” Michelle pauses. 

“Well, just based on public comments it doesn’t. Besides, I’m not a science nerd like you.”

“We go to a science school, Michelle.” Peter deadpans, Michelle almost smirking.

“You know what I mean. I care more about changing things, doing something with my skills. Fact-checking, telling the truth. Research that doesn’t put me in a lab somewhere.”

Peter ignores the slight put down, tilting his head as he thinks. 

“I think Pepper was just saying she wanted to expand the business and law division to include interns. Would you be interested in something like that?”

Michelle perks up, Peter smiling at the sudden interest. 

“Pepper Potts? As in CEO of Stark Industries, Pepper Potts?”

Peter nods, Michelle considering it. 

On the one hand, she didn’t need Peter’s help. 

On the other, just because Peter seemed intent on squandering the opportunities presented to him, didn’t mean she had to.

She had the grades, had the determination. But a potential internship with Pepper Potts? That’d be just the edge she’d need for her applications.

“Okay.”

Peter’s face lights up, surprised by the lack of argument. 

“Awesome. Okay cool, I’ll ask her about it then tomorrow when I go in. On two conditions.”

Michelle sighed, knowing the offer was too good to be true.

“What, Parker?”

“You have to let me help you with decathlon. Like, _ actually _ help you.”

Michelle purses her lips, before rolling her eyes.

“Fine. And the other thing?” 

Peter smiles, a look on his face that - once again - Michelle can’t place. 

“You have to _ promise _you won't fall in love with me.”

Michelle stops, a beat - then bursts out laughing, Peter joining her. 

“Are you for real, Parker? Have you always been so full of yourself?” Peter just grins, shrugging his shoulders as he turns down the street. 

“Only on weekdays. Come on, the diner’s this way.”

* * *

“You really should eat something, Pete.” Peter nods his head, moving around some of the spaghetti noodles on his plate. 

May was good at cooking exactly three things:

Mac and cheese. Chicken soup from a can. And spaghetti. 

Tonight, she’d chosen the latter. 

Peter knew May was scrambling, trying and failing to make things seem like they were normal.

Nothing was normal. None of it. They’d been blipped out of existence for five years and came back to a world entirely different. That enough would’ve been reason enough to worry.

But then Peter hadn’t just come back. Peter had been the one to end things. He still can’t bring himself to regret the decision - still believes it was the right thing to do.

Yet the worry that never left May’s eyes, the tense way she’d watch over him anytime he’d say he was tired or had a headache, made Peter almost wish the consequences had been immediate. 

“I ate a big lunch. And something right after school.” May looks at him like she doesn’t believe him before sighing, swirling around a noodle on her plate. 

The diner with MJ had been nice, going a lot better than Peter expected. They’d talked about decathlon mostly, Peter trying and failing to get her to talk more about what she was interested in. 

He knew it was stupid, the promise that was half-joke and half-serious. Peter couldn’t afford to let someone else down with the time he had left, but was it really so awful of him to want to do something - _ just one thing _\- that felt normal?

Peter loved being Spider-Man, despite Tony giving him shit for it now. But helping with decathlon, even if MJ didn’t like the idea, seemed like a good thing to focus on. A normal thing. 

It was a risk, helping MJ - being around her. Allowing himself to be potentially close to someone when he was so close to oblivion. But Happy was right. Peter had liked her once upon a time.

Was that so terrible of him, to want to spend a few months with the girl he likes, as if it was just a normal senior year? 

They’re quiet for a moment as Peter thinks, before May speaks up again.

“I got an interesting call from Tony today.”

Peter stiffens, grinding his teeth. 

“Says you didn’t show up today.” 

Peter moves another noodle around, avoiding May’s eyes.

“Peter.”

He looks up, seeing that same look in her eyes.

“I told him I had plans. I’ll go in tomorrow.”

“Peter. I understand if you want to… hang out or swing around or whatever it is you do but,” she puts the fork down, laying her hand on his clenched fist. 

“But you have to let us know, have to—.”

“I don’t _ have _to do anything, May.”

“Peter.”

“No.” Peter’s voice hardens, even as he tries to keep it steady. “We talked about this, May. I’m tired.” He closes his eyes, putting his own fork down as her grip on his other hand tightens. 

“Baby, I know but—“

“You don’t. You don’t know.” Peter feels like something’s lodged in his throat, willing it to go away. He still avoids her eyes, looking intently on the dining room table. 

“I hate it. I hate getting stuck with things, all the time. I hate that he keeps running himself ragged, trying to find a fix for something that can’t be fixed.” 

He feels the tears forming in his eyes as he looks back to her, seeing as May’s own eyes look watery.

“I can’t keep living like this, May. I can’t. I won’t.” He takes in a shaky breath, nodding his head. 

“You said that you supported me. That you’d… you’d let me stop. You’d help me tell him that I want to stop.”

May closed her eyes, the pain of that conversation likely still reverberating around in her head. Peter had spent weeks dreading it, an entire summer building up the courage to talk about it with her. 

Peter was a fighter, had been one his whole life. 

But this? Constantly searching and yearning and _ wasting _his time - what little he had of it - looking for something that would never be?

Peter wasn’t sure he how it would feel when he finally let go. But he was determined not to go painfully when he did. 

“I’m not giving up, May. I’m not, I’m just…” he sighs, May’s grip on his hand so tight that if it weren’t for his strength, it would likely hurt him.

“I’m tired. _ So _ tired, May. I just want to enjoy things. Enjoy _ life _.” He thinks of decathlon and Michelle, returning May’s grip, seeing a tear escape. 

“You promised me, May. After the last time. You promised.” May nods her head, quickly wiping the tear away.

“I did, baby. I do. I don’t want you to be in pain, I want you to _ enjoy _ any time we have left.” Peter hears as she chokes back a sob, trying and failing to steady herself.

“I just wish there was more of it.” 

* * *

May turns off the television, slowly rising off the couch. She tiptoes over to Peter’s room, smiling as she sees him sprawled out on his bed, snoring softly.

She wants to walk in, go and just sit there all night - just to watch him breathe. She’d done that when he was younger, when he first joined her and Ben’s little family. Ben had teased her, saying that was more typical of new parents of babies- not seven-year olds.

But May had never had the chance to raise a child before, couldn’t have kids. While Richard and Mary dying had devastated her, she couldn’t help but be thankful that it was her and Ben who got to take Peter in. 

May just watches Peter as he breathes, the upcoming grief that she already knew would consume her cutting through. 

Peter hadn’t been given a lot of choices in his life. 

He didn’t choose for his parents to die. Didn’t choose for his uncle to join them soon after. 

Didn’t choose that spider to bite him.

She’d been furious with him at first, the choice he’d made to put himself in danger - use his newfound powers for something that could cause her to lose him.

But Peter hadn’t been given choices in the big things in his life, and May - no matter how much she worried - couldn’t bring herself to take that choice away from him.

Now, almost two years later, May struggles with the last choice he’s made.

She knows - in her gut, in her soul - that Peter is right, that the radiation from the bite had been activated in all the wrong ways when he put that gauntlet on. That the spread of it, the minute ways it slowly destroyed his body, were irreversible. 

May wasn’t a science person, but she trusted her gut. She knew that sometimes there were things that were out of your control. That sometimes things happen that no matter what, you just couldn’t fix. 

Peter had made the choice to save them all. And now he was making a choice to leave on his own terms. 

It aches at her, agonizing and painful to think of Peter leaving her - of Peter joining Richard, Mary and Ben. 

But she can’t rob Peter of this last choice, not after the last experimental treatment had caused Peter even more pain - excruciating and agonizing pain - than what he was already in. 

May knew he’d been wanting to ask her about stopping, to talk with her about the possibility - even if she willfully ignored the reality in front of her as much as she could. 

_ How do you make peace with the reality of your child dying? _

_ How do you make peace with having them suffer while they’re in pain? _

May couldn’t face it, the pain of it was too much. She couldn’t bring herself to truly dwell on a world without him. 

But she’d never forgive herself for dragging out his end, if she knew in her heart of hearts, that making him suffer would only painfully delay the inevitable. 

As she wills herself to leave his bedroom door, the tears falling down her face as she makes her way to her own, May thinks not just of herself - but of Tony.

She at least knew what it was like to live with devastating loss. Had practice with it, the hole left in her heart from the people who had left her behind. 

May’s heart broke at losing Peter, the agony of it overwhelming. 

But she knew Peter would need all her strength and then some to discuss the topic with Tony. 

May promised she’d be there for him, knowing that really - they didn’t need Tony’s _ permission _. But Peter wanted him - needed him - to accept it all the same. 

As May closes her bedroom door behind her, allowing the privacy of her room to shield her in her grief, May wonders if it was ever possible to accept something as impossible as this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response to the last chapter was overwhelming and so kind??? I LOVE A Walk to Remember and even though I haven’t seen it done with Peter & MJ before, I’m so glad so many of you are interested in this too <3 <3 
> 
> Please yell at me in the comments, it will literally make my day.


	3. Three.

_ Peter was floating. _

_ Floating. Flying. He doesn’t know. _

_ It’s light, everywhere. Bright. Shining. Beautiful, even. _

_ There’s a whisper in the back of his mind, a small voice asking him - pleading with him - not to go. _

_ Go? Go where? _

_ Peter isn’t going anywhere. That would mean he’s somewhere. _

_ He’s nowhere. Floating. Flying. _

_ The whisper gets louder, Peter feels himself moving. It’s soft, the buzzing in his ears until it feels as if it’s vibrating everywhere, his skull feeling like it’s radiating with heat and pain and light. _

_ Peter isn’t floating. _

_ He’s falling. _

* * *

“Dude, you okay?”

Peter snaps his head up, the quickness of the emotion aggravating the pain behind his eyes. He blinks a couple of times, focusing on Ned.

“Yeah, man. Sorry, what’s up?”

Ned looks at him up and down, Peter wishing that he’d never told Ned the truth.

It’d been easier, before. After the Blip, when Peter was recovering - Ned visiting in a medical room Peter was all too familiar with.

Ned had been scared, worried about him for weeks. But Peter’s healing had kicked in, making the burns he’d gotten from snapping his fingers - the burns that had crawled up his arm, his neck, his face - fade away until they were nothing. 

He should’ve left it at that, shouldn’t have told Ned when he found out the truth. 

That his healing had done all it’s work on the outside but couldn’t fight what happened internally, how the radiation had been altered so his body decided to fight against him - slowly poisoning him from the inside out. 

Peter told Ned everything, he had to. Peter had been scared.

But now sitting on the floor of his room, trying and failing to ignore the headache pressing on him, Peter wishes he hadn’t told Ned this.

“Are you sure you’re okay? I can go, come back later when—“

“When I’m feeling better? That’s not gonna happen, Ned.” Peter huffs, hating how awful he’s being even as he says it. 

Ned’s just quiet, biting his lip as Peter sighs.

“Ned—“

“I get it, Pete.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s okay. I’d be upset too.”

_ Upset _. Peter wishes that emotion was enough to cover it. He’d only told Ned his decision last week, May saying it might be easier, almost something like practice for telling Tony. 

Peter winces, dreading the conversation already.

He shouldn’t need permission to live his life - whatever life he had left - but he couldn’t help but feel as if he was asking for it all the same. A farewell tour in the most miserable kind of way. 

Peter hated that Tony was so focused, so determined on finding a cure that he didn’t even talk to Peter anymore. He talked _ at _ Peter, talked _ about _ him, but rarely _ to _him - about anything other than another treatment, another solution.

Peter didn’t want to die. But he’d at least accepted it as well as he could. So had May, though Peter wondered how much of it was just a facade. 

Ned surprised him, Peter thinking he’d be angry with him or hurt. But Ned was just… Ned. He seemed to understand him in a way that only a best friend could.

Peter was tired - in nearly every sense of the word. And even if Peter didn’t know if Ned didn’t understand or agree or believe with what he’d chosen, it seemed that Ned was still just as committed in supporting Peter. 

“Still, Ned. I’m sorry.” Peter smiles, the action of it not reaching his eyes if only for the sudden and blinding pain behind them.

Peter winces, a sharp inhale as Ned just waits, his hands fiddling with the LEGO set between them, Peter knowing he was counting in his head.

It takes a few minutes but it passes, as it always does.

“How long?” Peter whispers, his eyes still closed as the pain started to subside - if only to it’s normal level.

“Four. It’s gone up.” Peter grimaces, opening his eyes. 

Ned is focused intently on the same LEGO piece in his hand, Peter picking up another. 

“Yeah. It was six minutes last time. May counted.” 

Ned just nods, still quiet.

Of all the powers he had, of all the things his senses could tell him, Peter wishes then that mind reading could be one of them.

Ned seems to blink out of it, shaking off wherever his mind had gone. There’s a part of Peter that wants to ask him about it, ask about he’s really feeling about everything. 

But what really was there to say? 

_ How do you feel about your best friend dying? _

_ Are you really okay that he’s going to stop trying to find a cure? _

“I think that piece goes over here.” Peter blinks, realizing Ned is talking about the one he’s holding. 

They quietly work for a few minutes, Peter wishing he had something to say to fill in the silence. It was never uncomfortable, he’d known Ned too long for that, but there was a bridge between them - a gulf that Peter didn’t want to think about it.

Ned wasn’t being distant, but it was almost as if he was preparing himself - learning how to fill in the gaps of his life when Peter would leave it. 

“Harrington made me co-captain of decathlon. With MJ.” Peter offers, Ned nodding.

“Yeah, Flash mentioned it in chem class. He’s pissed but I think Harrington made the right choice.” 

“Should’ve been you. MJ’s right, you’re more involved in it than I am.” Ned just smiled, connecting another two pieces together.

“I guess. But I got too much on my plate anyway. Besides, I think it’s nice. You two hanging out.” 

Peter smirks, the pain finally subsided back to what he had become adjusted to. “We’re not _hanging_ _out_, Ned. Not… not really.” 

Ned bites his lip, Peter wondering if he’d broach the topic again. 

After Peter had told Ned - the truth, about his decision - Ned had been pushing for him to tell more people about it. Not the details, not the cause, but some kind of warning. Some kind of reference so that it wouldn’t be so much of a shock when... everything happened. 

Peter was reluctant for a variety of reasons - namely for the idea of people at school treating him with even a fraction of the pity and hyper concern that the people who already knew did. Peter wasn’t sure if he could deal with that times a hundred. 

But it was also a selfish reason, something Peter was insistent about even if no one else seemed to understand. 

Peter guessed - based on FRIDAY’s calculations and his own estimation - that he’d at least make it to graduation. People lost touch after high school anyway, everyone planning on going to college - it wouldn’t be that big of a deal if he ended up dying during the summer. 

There’s a part of Peter that knows that it wasn’t only selfish, but wrong to think that way - a morbid and false understanding of what that particular kind of grief would bring. 

But Peter couldn’t think of sharing this with anyone more than he already had, if for the additional reason of not wanting anyone else to carry the burden that the people he loved already did. 

“Well, you’re gonna be spending a lot of time together.”

“Yeah.”

“You still like her?”

“Ned.”

“It’s just a question, Peter.”

“_ Ned. _”

“You’re the one whose always saying you want to avoid people, that you don’t want anyone else to get close.” The sharpness of Ned’s tone surprises Peter, if only for it being the first time Ned has ever betrayed any other kind of emotion than neutral support.

“I’m not avoiding---”

“Bullshit, Pete. I know you’re going through a lot, but don’t lie to me alright?”

Peter’s silent, considering Ned’s words. 

It had to be awful, knowing your best friend was dying. Knowing there was nothing you could do to save him. Ned was right. Peter could at least be honest with him.

“Yeah. I think I do like her.” Peter shakes his head, fiddling with another LEGO piece. “But it doesn’t matter, it’s not like anything can happen you know? Besides,” Peter says, squinting at the pieces in front of them to see if the one he held matched, “It’s not like she likes me or anything. She seems just as pissed that Harrington picked me as Flash does.” 

“I guess. I don’t know, Pete. MJ’s always been… interesting.”

Peter snorts, putting down the piece in his hand. “Is that a good thing?”

Ned shrugs, looking up at Peter. 

“Just a thing, I guess.” 

They’re quiet for another few minutes, steadily working on the LEGO piece in front of them. Another morbid thought, Peter wondering if he’ll get see end of it, the idea of Ned completing it without him hurting in a unique way. 

Peter hated how his all his thoughts revolved around death now, dramatic and painful. Death was anything but - at least not the one Peter seemed destined for. 

Ever since he became Spider-Man, Peter always felt that when he did die - sometime, in the future, a long way aways - that it would be something noble, maybe something that saved someone. 

He was in a way, a delayed reaction of sorts. But he still thought it sucked to have to wrestle with his own mortality - to the point where he just got sick of talking about it. 

As always, Ned brings him out of his own spiraling thoughts.

“Are you going to tell her… you know.”

Peter feels his shoulders sag, having no will to fight or play dumb with Ned. “No.”

“Why not?”

“Why _ would _ I, Ned? We’re not… friends. Not yet, I don’t know.” Peter puts the pieces down, leaning back and placing his hands behind him as he looked at Ned. 

“It’ll make things complicated.”

“It’s _ already _ complicated, Peter.” Ned puts the piece in his hand down, leaning forward.

“I think you should tell her.” 

“That’ll be a great conversation. ‘Hey MJ, I think we should focus more on the death of the author in analyzing _ Frankenstein _ . Speaking of death, _ I’m _ dying too.” Ned glares at him, Peter laughing with no humor in it.

“It’s just weird, Ned.”

“You can’t just _ not _ tell her.”

“Ned--”

“Peter, come on. Even if you’re not…” Ned pauses, swallowing as Peter watches, “Even if you’re not like, searching for more treatments or whatever, don’t you think MJ should know about your headaches? About you… like, being at risk for fainting or something?” 

Peter hadn’t thought of that, furrowing his eyebrows together. Ned was right, the episodes were getting worse, zig zagging in intensity though Peter wondered how long it would be before it would be too much for him to handle. But he’s also sure he can’t tell Michelle, that he wouldn’t - it would make their already weird and tentative friendship strained and his own complicated feelings even more difficult. 

“I’ll… just pass it off or something, Ned. Besides, decathlon’s only this semester because of all the shit with the Blip.” Peter shrugs, leaning forward again. 

“By the time things get worse, MJ and I won’t be hanging out as much anyway.”

Ned looks at him if he doesn’t believe him, Peter ignoring it. Ned knows how much Peter had liked her, even before Peter had been willing to admit it. 

It had been a joke, his comment to Michelle but also slightly serious. Peter could barely deal with the idea of the ones he currently loved having to deal with the loss of him when he was gone. He couldn’t afford anyone else to be burdened with that. 

“Whatever you say, Peter.” The neutral tone of Ned’s voice returning as he looked down, scanning the pieces around them.

Peter goes to ask Ned another question, when the phone rings - Peter sighing at the caller ID.

“I gotta take this.”

“You gotta go? Is it, you know. Spider-Man stuff?” Peter grimaces, shaking his head. 

“No. But I guess we’ll see how long I’ll be able to do that after this conversation.” 

* * *

“You have got to be fucking kidding, me.” Tony shakes his head, furious as he turns his back towards them. His hand shakes, feeling as if he’s actually seeing red. 

Pepper was beside him, her hand going for his when he snatches it away. He sees the hurt in her eyes but he’s blinded by the rage bubbling over. He turns to her, eyes blazing.

“Did you know about this?”

“Tony.” Pepper offers, Tony noticing he she didn’t answer his question.

“How long? How _ long _ have you known that he was, that he wanted--” Tony shakes his head again, turning back to May and to Peter. 

“No.”

“It’s not your decision to make, Tony.” May’s jaw is set, even if Tony can see the tears threatening to form. Peter is quiet beside her, his hands twirling together as he avoids Tony’s eyes. 

“Peter and I have talked about it. And…. this is, this is what he wants.”

“He can’t _ know _ what he wants. He’s fucking seventeen years old.” Peter’s head snaps up at this, his own jaw set in a way that’s eerily reminiscent of May. 

“Yeah, seventeen, Mr. Stark. And everyone in this room knows I won’t make it to eighteen.”

“Peter.” 

“I’m not trying to be dramatic, May. I’m trying to be realistic.” Peter looks at her, then back to Tony. 

Tony is still shaking, gritting his teeth as he even tries to think - even _ tries _ to wrap his head around the most fucking idiotic thing the kid has ever said to him. 

Peter wanted to stop looking for treatment? _ Stop _ looking for a cure? 

_ What the fuck was he thinking? _

“What you’re being is stupid, Peter.” Pepper puts a hand on his shoulder but Tony shakes it off, walking the few steps to Peter. May goes to put her hand in front of Peter but Tony just stares into his eyes.

“I won’t allow you to do this.”

Peter stands, meeting Tony with a fury and a fire in his eyes that Tony recognizes all too well. The kid had always been stubborn, resilient in a way that Tony had even admired at one point. 

But _ this _? This was the opposite of resilient, opposite of stubborn. 

Peter was _ giving up _ \- and Tony would be damned if he let that happen. 

“You don’t get to allow me to do anything, Mr. Stark. I made my decision. It’s done.” He turns to May, taking her hand in his. 

“I need you to accept it.”

“I’m not fucking accept--”

“Tony.” Pepper’s voice is sharp, raised and firm in a way that makes Tony pause. He’s fuming, only tearing his eyes away from Peter because of Pepper’s grip on his shoulder.

“Listen to him, Tony. Just… just listen.” 

Tony can’t. _ He can’t _. The anger is still rising in him, the raw power and magnitude of it burning up his insides. But then he looks into the kid’s eyes, sees that own fire mirrored back to him. 

Tony takes a few breaths, then a step back. Peter takes the chance. 

“You’ve always told me that I need to speak up for myself. Let people know what it is I think.”

“Kid, I meant that the asshole at your school. Not fucking--” Pepper’s grip tightens, Tony letting out a sharp exhale. 

“This isn’t easy for me, Mr. Stark.” Tony just grinds his teeth, waiting as Peter glances down. He brings his eyes back up to Tony, seemingly using all his will power not to cry. 

That cuts at Tony, seeing Peter trying so hard to act strong - to be strong, for Tony. The kid had always worn his emotions on his sleeve, seemingly having no switch between the extremes.

Seeing Peter, clearly at war with himself but trying to maintain his composure all the same, broke him. 

“I don’t want to be hooked up to a machine for months. I don’t want to keep spending our time looking for something that we are _ not going to find _.” Peter is insistent, putting emphasis on the words that Tony doesn’t want to hear.

“We don’t know if we won’t find it, kid. Not if we don’t--”

“You don’t get it, Mr. Stark. You don’t--” Peter winces, the adults in the room immediately going to him. 

“Peter?” May asks, Peter letting out a sharp gasp, Tony immediately bring an arm out to stable Peter. 

“Pete? Talk to us, kid.” He doubles over, Tony and May both going to hold him up. A rush of fear runs through him, his eyes going to May as she looks on wearily. 

“It’s been happening more often.” She whispers, Peter scrunching his eyes tighter, the sight of it clenching Tony’s heart. 

It feels like hours pass, though Tony knows it could only be a few minutes. He sees May’s lips slightly move, Tony’s mind whirring as he wants to press, ask questions. But he can’t with Peter feeling rigid in his arms, hands slightly trembling at whatever was running through him. 

Eventually, it stops - Tony not feeling as if he’s breathed until Peter does, an exhausted exhale as he blearily opens his eyes. May rubs his back soothingly, Peter slowly turning to look at her. 

“Three minutes. Not as bad.” Peter hums in response, wincing as he looks back to Tony. 

Tony is immediately overwhelmed with the exhaustion that’s etched across Peter’s face, the agony and reality of what the kid was trying to tell him so apparent that it made Tony’s throat constrict. 

The kid was dying - _ Peter _ was dying. And for all of Tony’s money, all his willpower, brain capacity and research ability, Tony’s struck with the realization that none of it mattered. None of it would matter in time. 

Peter was in pain. Peter was _ done. _And he wanted Tony to recognize that. 

He grips Peter’s arms, hands still trembling as Peter starts to straighten. 

Peter takes a few slow, measured breaths before looking into Tony’s eyes - the anguish in them so clear that it makes Tony’s stomach churn.

“Please, Mr. Stark. _ Tony _.” Tony feels the sob in his throat, choking it down as Peter continues. 

“Please.” 

Tony says nothing, just brings Peter into a hug that as he’d done so often in the last few months. May and Pepper take a step back, Tony searching May’s eyes. 

_ How could she be okay with this? _

_ How could she be ready to let him go? _

But then he saw the grief so readily apparent on her face, Tony recognizing that it had likely been there all along - even as she’d clearly tried hard for Peter to not see it. 

May wasn’t okay with this. May wasn’t ready, it was unfathomable. 

But she’d made the decision to support Peter, to love him enough to let him choose this. 

It’s a gut punch, Tony’s mouth going dry at the thought. He forces the possibility of Peter dying out of his mind, focuses instead on the warmth of him in his arms. 

He grips him tighter until Peter slackens, Tony immediately looking into his face. 

“I’m sorry.” 

It’s the two words that Tony wishes he hadn’t said, if only for the immediate dread and rush of regret that flows through him - the memory of Peter crumbling in his arms flooding back to him. He swallows it down, pushes that out of his head to try and avoid the next image, the sight of Peter taking on that gauntlet, crying out in unimaginable pain as the power of it overwhelmed him. 

Tony had bended time itself to bring Peter back. And with a snap of his fingers, a decision that he never should’ve made - Peter seemed destined to leave him anyway. 

“It’s okay, kid.” Tony’s voice is gruff, flicking his eyes to May as she gives him a short nod. “We’ll, we’ll figure it out.”

“Mr. Stark.”

“I can’t handle this, kid. I can’t promise I’ll stop looking.” 

“Tony…” Pepper starts but Tony shakes his head, continuing. 

“But if you want me to stop pushing you, want to stop testing. I won’t, I won’t force you.” Peter just looks at him, seemingly weighing Tony’s words. Tony pushes forward.

“I can’t do this again, kid. I can’t lose you again, alright?”

Peter just blinks, eyes glistening as he brings his hand out back to May. She takes it without hesitation, Peter nodding. 

“I can’t stop you from trying, Mr. Stark. But I can’t do another treatment. I won’t.” Tony grimaces at the memory of the last solution, a last resort if there ever was one. Bruce had suggested the electrodes, Peter going along with it only because of how much pain he’d been in. 

Tony’s nightmares were still filled Peter’s agonizing screams. He’s hurting Peter, _ fuck _ —Tony knows it. 

But even if the kid was wanting Tony to let him go, Tony couldn’t allow himself to. No matter what he wanted, no matter how selfish it could be.

Tony couldn’t live with himself if he allowed Peter Parker to die again.

“Why don’t we go, Peter? We’ll all talk about this again another time.” May seems to sense the argument brewing behind Tony’s eyes, Pepper agreeing. 

“Yeah, I think that’d be best.” Tony glances to her, seeing as her eyes soften in that way they always did when she talked to Peter. 

“I think your idea sounds great by the way, about your friend Michelle.” Tony frowns turning his attention back to Peter.

“What’s going on?” 

“Later, Tony. Come on May, I’ll walk you two out.” Peter ignores Tony as they do, May sending him a meaningful look as they leave. 

Tony knows it’s wrong of him, knows that May and Pepper were disappointed - Peter most of all. But he can’t do it. Tony physically cannot fathom the possibility of letting Peter go. 

Not again. 

His hands start to tremble as soon as the three of them leave the room, Tony failing to contain it. As the doors whoosh close, Tony feels himself break, the shaking so violent that he feels as if he’s going to burst. 

He wants to throw things, lash out, break up every corner in the lab. But Tony finds himself instead bracing himself against the lab table in front of him before slinking down to the floor, feeling the sobs that had been building in the back of his throat overwhelming him. 

He’d be damned if he lost Peter Parker again. 

But a part of Tony wonders - with heartbreaking clarity - if in some way, he already had. 

* * *

Michelle is on her bed, absentmindedly scrolling through her social media when the call comes in. It surprises her, so much that she answers without thinking.

“Hello?”

“MJ? It’s me, Peter.”

“I know, Parker. I got your contact saved.” She hears Peter laugh on the other end, Michelle glancing up to the ceiling. 

“I, uh, I didn’t think you’d pick up.”

“So why’d you call? I don’t like phone calls.” Michelle asks, the sarcasm evident.

“Why’d you pick up?” Michelle’s thrown for a moment, if only because she doesn’t have an answer. Peter doesn’t give her the chance to come up with one, pushing forward.

“Anyway, uh, I just wanted to call and let you know that Pepper, Ms. Potts I mean, said that she’d think you’d make a great intern.”

Michelle sits up, eyes widening. 

“She did? Wait, what? How? I didn’t even apply yet.”

Michelle can hear the laugh on the other line once more, Michelle’s heart beating fast at the possibility of interning with _ Pepper Potts _. 

“Well she’s heard about you before, and--”

“How?”

“Huh?”

Michelle rolls her eyes. “How the hell has Pepper Potts heard about me? Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered but,” Michelle scrunches her face, even knowing Peter can’t see it, “I don’t get how she would even know anything about me, much less want me to be her intern.”

“Well you are one of the best at Midtown, it’s not hard for her to be aware of—”

“Parker.” 

“I, uh, might’ve talked about you before. To her, I mean. Told her about you.” 

An unfamiliar warmth of something flows through Michelle, a twitch of her mouth before she aks, “What’d you say?”

Michelle can almost hear the shrug Peter’s likely giving through the phone. “Just that you were really smart and interested in doing something meaningful with your life. I, uh, I work closely with her and Mr. Stark for my internship so she trusts me, I think.”

_ Sounds about right _ , Michelle thinks - knowing that Peter serving as Iron Man’s +1 to world ending events would no doubt make Pepper - _ CEO _\- Potts trust the word of a seventeen-year old kid. 

“Well… uh, thanks I guess.” Michelle offers, bewildered if not glad for Peter’s intervention. Her pride still hurt at the idea of having to take Peter up on an offer - blackmail essentially, for her compliance in letting him help with decathlon - but Michelle wasn’t too above a helping hand.

Especially when that helping hand would help her get into college and the hell out of New York. 

“You’re welcome.”

“Don’t think this changes anything though, Parker.” Michelle continues, feeling her confidence build back up.

“Huh?”

“You’re still on my shit list alright? On probation, for the whole captain thing. I don’t think you can handle it.”

Peter just laughs, the sound of it making Michelle grin despite herself.

“Please don’t pretend like you know me, okay? I promise, I can handle a whole lot more than you think I can.” 

“But I do, Parker. I do. You’re Peter Parker, we’ve been in all the same classes since freshman year. You sit with your buddy Ned at lunch, you never pay attention in class and yet somehow know all the right answers and you’re now Midtown’s finest and newest resident slacker.” The words are mean even if Michelle’s tone is not, hearing the chuckle on the other line.

“You know, for someone who just got a really sweet deal from that _ resident slacker _, you’d think you’d be a lot nicer to me.”

“You’d think wrong, Parker. But then again, that’s what slacking gets you. Disappointment.”

“Whatever, MJ.” Peter laughs, Michelle joining him before he continues. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow in class.” He pauses, before saying, “Unless I decide not to go, you know. Being a slacker and all.”

Michelle rolls her eyes, shaking her head. “Bye, Parker. See you whenever.” Peter laughs one more time, Michelle clicking off the phone. 

As she stares at her phone, the social media she was browsing through still before her, she immediately goes to tap on Peter’s profiles. Michelle glances through them, mouth upturning into a grin at the smattering of weird but kind of artistic pictures he seemed to like to take. 

He’d caught her off guard, with the question of why she answered the phone. There really wasn’t a reason beyond her being bored. She starts to scroll through his profile, more curious about him than she’s been in weeks. 

Maybe she doesn’t know him as well as she thought she did, especially when he’d followed through with not just checking out the internship for her - but getting her one. 

Michelle considers that maybe Peter is right. 

Maybe she didn’t really know him. 

Maybe Peter Parker wasn’t a flake after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Posting 3 times in one week?
> 
> It’s more likely than you think.
> 
> This story has taken over my mind. I have rewatched A Walk to Remember 4 times in the past 3 days and I cry every single time. Why am I doing this?? 
> 
> Also: I’ve changed the archive warning. As many of you have asked & have wondered, this is absolutely inspired by A Walk to Remember with the full intention of following the storyline of that movie. While “choosing not to use archive warnings” is a reminder to read at your own risk, I don’t want to give you all false hope. This story IS following the movie’s major beats - though I hope you enjoy the twists, love and fluff I still have planned along the way. 
> 
> Thanks for screaming at me in the comments, I love hearing from you all! And feel free to come hang out with me on [tumblr](https://seek-rest.tumblr.com).


	4. Four.

“So, I’m thinking that instead of calculus, we should focus more on the Renaissance.” Michelle glares at him, watching as Peter smirks from across the diner table. 

“More coffee?” Peter smiles up at the waitress, Michelle shaking her head. 

“No thanks.”

“Yes.” 

They answer simultaneously, the waitress grinning.

“Your boyfriend always answer for you?” Michelle balks as Peter turns beet red. 

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

The waitress - Eva, Michelle sees from reading her name tag - just shrugs. “A pretty girl like you hanging with a cutie like this? I don’t see that being true for long.”

Michelle just blinks, blindsided as Eva fills Peter’s coffee cup and walks away. She avoids his eyes as he looks down at his notes, clearing his throat.

“Anyway--”

“We’re not doing the Renaissance, Parker.”

Peter rolls his eyes, Michelle crossing her arms. 

“It’s important for us to know the details, MJ.”

“We know the details. The Black Death. Lots of poor people died, then revisionist history makers argue that the birth of the Renaissance was the natural result and it’s now just used as an argument for the further establishment of the social class system.”

Peter blinks then says, “_ Or _ \- and this is just a thought - it’s also an important historical time period filled with a lot of interesting thinkers, creators, and artists that’s vital to our understanding of Europe in that time period.”

“I’m not wrong, Parker.” Peter shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee, Michelle wrinkling her nose in disgust as he does so.

“I’m not saying you are, MJ. I’m just saying that maybe there’s more to the story than just… death and destruction.” He sets his coffee down, eyes downcast as Michelle watches him. 

“There was still a lot of beautiful things that came out of the Renaissance, a lot good things that can come out of something even as awful as---”

“Don’t give me that bullshit that everything happens for a _ reason _, Parker.” Peter shakes his head.

“No, I’m not saying _ that _ . I’m just saying,” Peter shrugs again - those _ damn _ shrugs - “You can find the good in anything, if you look hard enough.”

Michelle considers him another moment as Peter continues.

“Without suffering, there’s no compassion.” 

Michelle snorts. “Yeah, well tell that to those who suffer.” 

Peter’s eyes fall, Michelle wincing at her callousness. 

She knows she isn’t always the nicest person, knows that her ambition and her drive rub people the wrong way.

But for all her fight and pride, Michelle knows when she’s gone too far. 

Of all the people in their school, really of all the people that Michelle knows, Peter Parker has suffered the most. 

His parents died when he was young, an accident that Michelle had only heard glimpses about - horrified even then at the idea that someone had not only lost their parents, but had been there when they died. 

She didn’t know him well when his uncle died, only watched from afar as he walked down the halls, Ned not far behind him. 

She also knew - even if the details were never made public - that Peter had been involved with Avengers in bringing them back, that he - _ Spider-Man _ \- had to be involved in some way, if only for his lack of appearance back on the bus. 

Peter Parker knew suffering. And Michelle was being a jerk to him. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way.” Peter’s head snaps up, her voice bringing him out of wherever his mind had gone to. 

“It’s fine, MJ.”

“It’s not, Peter.” Michelle sighs, leaning back. “Sorry, my dad says my smart mouth will get me in trouble sometime.”

The edges of Peter’s mouth quirks, a small half-smile. “I think you’re honest. That’s never a bad thing.”

She meets his eyes, nodding before turning the page in her notes. Peter’s phone starts buzzing, Michelle watching as he glances at the screen before ignoring the call. 

It immediately starts ringing again, though from this angle, Michelle can’t see who is on the other line. 

“Do you need to get that?”

“No.”

He ignores the call. Another second later, it starts to ring again. 

“You sure?” Peter ignores the call for the third time, turning off his phone. He turns the screen down and looks back to Michelle. 

“I said I was serious about this, MJ and I am.”

“If you need to answer your phone, Peter--” He shakes his head, taking another sip of his coffee. 

“No. I don’t.” He turns to her, Michelle watching as he smiles. 

“So. Invention of the printing press. Educational access to the masses or the birth of cultivated media?” 

Michelle laughs out loud, Peter’s smile lighting up his face. 

“You’re a smartass, you know that?”

Peter nods, “Yeah. It’s pretty much my brand.” 

* * *

“He’s not answering, boss.” Tony sighs, rubbing his hand over his face. 

“This is the third time this week he’s done this, Hap.” Happy is silent, phone still in hand as Rhodey walks in. 

“The kid not coming today?” 

Tony shakes his head, gritting his teeth.

“No. Apparently giving up on treatment means giving up on everything having to do with me.”

“Tones--”

“I’ll… I got some things to handle.” Happy waves his hand, Tony watching as he quickly walks out the room. 

He knows that of anyone in this Tower, Happy was the one who agreed with him. That Peter wasn’t thinking clearly, that Peter was too _ young _ to make this kind of decision for himself. But neither he nor Tony were interested in a fight with Rhodes about it. 

“I’m not saying he doesn’t have the right to live his life. I got the riot act from Pepper, I know it’s his choice but,” Tony leans on the lab table, leaning across from him, “I don’t understand.”

A sad smile forms on his best friend’s face, a look that Tony knows all too well. James was a soldier, methodical and possessing more common sense that seemingly anyone else around him - barring Pepper. Yet Rhodey also knew struggle, had seen enough trauma to know just what to say to get him to try. 

“Peter’s been through a lot, Tony. I can’t even imagine the kind of pain he’s in right now.” 

“That’s just it, Rhodes. I can, I can do something for that. Try and find--”

“You don’t want to help him, you want to _ fix _ him Tony.” James sighs, shaking his head. “Peter’s probably sick of it.”

“Sick of what? Trying to find something that will help him? Try and figure this out so his own body doesn’t end up fucking killing him?” 

“Sick of _ that _, Tony. Come on, think about it. Before this, before everything, what did you and Peter do in the lab all day?”

Tony stops, and remembers. 

* * *

“You will never believe what happened at school today, Mr. Stark.”

Tony whirls around, a smirk on his face as Peter rushing in.

“What, you and Ned blow up a lab desk again?”

Peter shoots him a withering look, dropping his backpack on the ground.

“First of all, that happened once and it wasn’t our fault.”

“Sure, kid.”

“Second, no— even better.” Tony just laughs at how breathless Peter is, amazed and a smile that lights up his whole face. 

“Harrington says that we’ll get to go to MoMA next week!”

Tony furrows his eyebrows, blanking at Peter’s excitement.

“You know the place runs on donations, kid. I can spot you the $10. Hell, I can rent it out for you for the night if you want.”

Peter’s eyes widen. “You can _ do _ that?” Tony smirks.

“Pete, you forget that I’m Tony Stark. I can _ do _ pretty much whatever I want.” He tilts his head. “Within reason, of course.” 

“Pepper?”

“That is her middle name, Pepper “reason with Tony” Potts. Rhodey’s too.” Peter just shakes his head, baffled before continuing.

“Not that _ that _ isn’t amazing to think about, but no. It’s cause MoMA is having this amazing exhibit to celebrate the art and history of Star Wars!”

Tony blinks a few times before bursting out into laughter, Peter deflating.

“Mr. Stark.” 

Tony wheezes, wiping a tear from his eye. “No, no, kid, I’m--I’m glad you’re excited. I just, you realize that if you wanted to see this exhibit, that I could’ve just… called up some old buddies of mine?”

Peter’s mouth opens, the shock just setting Tony off further. 

“You _ know _ the guy who created it?” Tony nods, the smile on his own face matching the one appearing on Peter’s.

“Yeah, kid. What, you think I have all these gala events for my health? You meet people. Schmooze. It’s a whole thing.”

Peter just sits on a lab desk, dazed. “I can’t believe you never told me this.”

“Can’t believe you haven’t asked, kid.” Tony just smirks, handing Peter a tool. 

“So don’t worry about the field trip kid, I’ll sort it out for you.” Peter quirks his eyebrow, confused.

“Um, Mr. Stark I think you misunderstand. I’m _ going _ on the field trip. _ And _ on whatever private tour you come with up. Then I’ll get it to see it TWICE.”

“Whoever said anything about a private tour?”

“You _ just _ did.”

“Hmm, well,” Tony rolls his eyes, waving his hand about. “If you don’t hurry up and get started on this, then I’ll change my mind.”

Though Peter has to know that he’s joking, he scrambles to get up all the same - immediately siding up to Tony, head up.

“Let’s get started.” Tony smiles, nudges Peter with his shoulder.

“Alright kid, you take the lead.”

* * *

“Tones?”

Tony shakes his head, looking back at him. 

“You still with me, man?” Tony doesn’t respond, eyes back to the ground as the memory fades away. 

That had only been a week before the end of everything, before the second most miserable day of Tony’s life. 

He’d thought that the memory of holding Peter as he faded away to dust would be the hardest thing he’d ever had to do. Until five years later, when Tony saw Peter cry out in pain as the gauntlet’s power nearly overwhelmed him, his eyes radiating with pain as he glanced towards him, towards Thanos - and snapped. 

The dusting of Thanos and his armies should’ve given Tony more joy, should’ve been filled with immeasurable relief after five years of mourning and suffering. 

But it did nothing to quell the shaking of Tony’s chest, the anguish he felt as he flew to Peter - watching as he struggled to breathe, the gauntlet’s power nearly killing him a second time. 

Tony had thanked every being he could think of that Peter had pulled through, that his healing had kicked in enough to cover the scarring that riddled his body. 

Looking back into Rhodey’s eyes, he’s almost haunted with the idea that if Peter had at least died then - it would have been a mercy.

He blinks away the thought, shaking his head.

“I can’t do this, Rhodey. I can’t, I can’t--”

“It’s not about you, Tony.” Tony’s stricken with the firmness in James’ voice, the way his jaw set as he looked straight at you Tony.

“It’s--”

“Its not. About. You. Tony. I get it, man. This is shit, and a shit situation. But think about it from his perspective.” 

“I AM thinking about it from his perspective, Rhodes. He’s not even fucking eighteen years old!” Tony yells, Rhodey standing his ground.

“He’s got the rest of his life to make stupid decisions, a life he won’t get to have if he has his way. I can’t let him do this.”

“That’s just it, Tony. You don’t get to decide, _ Peter _ does. And he has. So has his aunt.” Tony scoffs, the pain of what James is saying welling up inside of him. 

“You can’t tell me May is okay with this.” Rhodey’s eyes go dark, his facade cracking just a bit. 

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what _ are _ you saying, huh? I should just… just let the kid die?” James’ eyes meet his, a pleading that he hadn’t seen in them. 

“I’m not saying… this isn’t fucked up. It is, Tony. Beyond belief.” He walks a few steps forward, puts a hand to Tony’s shoulder.

“But it is what it is. And Peter…” James looks up, shaking his head. “Peter’s made his choice. He wants you to accept it, to just be there for him.” James grip tightens, Tony feeling as if it’s the only thing keeping him up.

“You can’t save everyone, Tony. But you can be there for him, be _ with _ him.”

Tony feels the agony within threatening to overcome him, jaw tightening as he closes his eyes. 

“I _ can’t _\--

“You can, Tony. You have to.” James’ voice is softer now, quiet - only further wrecking Tony’s soul.

“You have to be there for him. And I know you will. Just don’t take too long to get there, alright?”

Tony sees as James’ eyes start to glisten, the sight of it throwing Tony off. The words he doesn’t say still pierce Tony’s heart. 

_ You have to make your peace with it soon. _

_ Peter doesn’t have the time to wait. _

* * *

“I think that settles it then.”

Michelle leans back, questioning. “What?” 

“I think… we’re gonna kick ass at decathlon.” Michelle laughs at Peter’s confidence, getting up to put her stuff in her backpack. 

Peter joins her, smiling. “Come on, MJ. I think we got a great game plan.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Peter. We still gotta do the thing. And get the team together.” Michelle frowns, thinking of Flash and how obnoxious he was still being about Peter being chosen as co-captain. 

“Why don’t you let me handle the team dynamics and you focus on the studying?” 

Peter slings his backpack around his shoulder, Michelle mirroring his action as he drops a few bills to cover his food. 

“Why? I’m a people person.” 

Michelle rolls her eyes, walking out the door as Peter follows behind.

“I’m not saying you’re not a nice person, I’m saying that you lack the skills necessary to lead.”

Peter makes a face, a look of shock and offense making Michelle feel inexplicably light. 

“I’ll have you know that I am an _ excellent _leader.” 

“Name one thing you’ve done that qualifies as leading. And convincing Ned to watch the Star Wars movies out of order doesn’t count.” Peter almost stops in his tracks as they walk the street towards the subway stop.

“How do you know that?”

Michelle shrugs, a fluttering of her stomach as she realizes she almost let Peter know she’s watched him.

_ Stop that. _

“Just a guess, nerd. Am I wrong?” 

Peter recovers, an upturn of his lip. “No.”

“Well.” 

They’re silent for a few steps, Peter clearly attempting to figure out a way to describe his actions as Spider-Man without letting Michelle know the truth. 

It was cute, almost - how his eyebrows furrowed, his lips quirked to the side. Michelle shakes the thought away, focusing instead on something that had been bothering me. 

“Why are you so nice to me, Peter?” He’s completely thrown off his train of thought, stopping in place. 

“What?”

“I haven’t exactly been so nice to you. Historically, at least.”

“Uh…do… do you want me to be mean to you?”

“No. I’m not saying that,” Michelle searches for the words to say, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

“I just mean with the internship. I mean, you were right. I was being pretty shit to you about all of this and you still got me the internship.” She pushes a curl behind her ear, Peter watching her intently. 

“And you know, though you still clearly lack any leadership skills whatsoever, you’re not half-bad at planning.” 

Peter grins. “I _ think _ there was a compliment somewhere in there.”

“It’s as close as you’re getting.”

He shrugs - _ again _ \- Michelle laughing. “I’ll take what I can get.” 

They resume their walk to the subway in a comfortable silence before Michelle speaks again. 

“But really, Peter. Thanks. For… you know.”

“It’s really no problem, MJ. Besides, I meant it when I said Pepper seemed really interested in you. I think you’ll do a great job.” 

Peter must somehow sense the immediate sense of worry that fills Michelle, pressing forward. 

“You’ll be fine, MJ.”

“You say that, but you know her already. Are you sure--”

“I’m sure. Don’t worry, I’ll be there if you want me to be.”

Michelle can’t help the small smile that forms on her face, quickly changing her face back to a look that was neutral.

_ What is wrong with me? _

“Yeah. That’d be cool.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A reminder: I’ve changed the archive warning. As many of you have asked & have wondered, this is absolutely inspired by A Walk to Remember with the full intention of following the storyline of that movie - even if it may deviate some for obvious reasons. While “choosing not to use archive warnings” is a reminder to read at your own risk, I don’t want to give you all false hope. This story IS following the movie’s major beats - though I hope you enjoy the twists, love and fluff I still have planned along the way.
> 
> <3


	5. Five.

The next two months pass both slowly, and yet all at once. 

Peter’s exhausted, every day more and more of a chore to get up. The sound of the city does nothing to calm him, not nearly as much as it used to. Ned’s still a constant, watching over him at school - hovering though it was clear to Peter that he was trying not to. 

The one bright spot about everything had been the time he got to spend with Michelle. 

Peter hated to admit to Ned that he was right - not because of ego or pride - but because of how much it scared him, truly terrified him how much he enjoyed getting to lead the team with her. 

Visits at the diner became a constant, meeting first twice a week - until eventually, they met nearly every day. The meets were always about decathlon, organizing what they thought would work best for the team, what strategies they’d found and quizzing each other as they prepared to quiz the rest of them. 

But then Peter found himself spending hours longer at the diner with her than they originally planned, long stretches of time where they talked less and less about school and more and more about anything else. 

Michelle was fiery, passionate in a way that excited Peter. He would listen, enraptured as she described her ideas about changing the criminal justice system, her passion for understanding the world around her - about going out to live it, to see it.

Peter would always deflect when she’d ask him questions, shrugs and smiles that he knew wouldn’t put her off for long. He told her about his internship - in the most basic of terms - but got the feeling that she was more curious than she tried to let on. 

Michelle was too perceptive, far more intuitive than Peter had ever expected. It was dangerous, spending time with someone like her. And yet he still couldn’t shake how much he enjoyed spending time with Michelle. 

It scared him, if only because the latent crush he’d had all those months ago had only magnified with the time he spent with her. 

He rolls out of bed, wincing as he does. He took more naps now - going to sleep right after school. Peter tried to fit it in as much as he could without May knowing, especially since his nights felt as if he hardly slept at all. He didn’t want to worry her, not more than she already did. 

But he has to get up, he was meeting Michelle later - not about decathlon but because of an argument they’d had.

Peter was convinced that the pizza from Gino’s on 27th was the best while Michelle argued Leo’s on 49th was better. 

Clearly, they had to try them both. 

As Peter goes for his suit, shimmying it on, he smiles thinking of it - how much their fights, if you could even call them that, made him laugh. 

It was _ easy _ to talk to her, so much more than he expected. Michelle had always put up such a big front, acting as if she was above it all and everyone and yet in the few months he’d had to hang out with her - it’s as if the cracks in her walls had started to crumble. She was _ funny _, sarcastic in a way that kept Peter on his toes. 

He liked that. 

A small part of Peter whispered that he should stop, shouldn’t let himself keep getting closer to her or allowing her to be close to him. It was risky. It was dangerous. He shouldn’t - all things considered. 

Maybe it was selfish, but Peter couldn’t help it. 

It had been only two months, but Peter was sure that he wanted to spend as much time as he had getting to know Michelle.

But Michelle was later, Peter’s first priority getting some Spider-Man time in.

As his body ached, bringing the mask of his suit over his head, Peter starts to wonder what the city would think, when he was gone. 

He hadn’t gone out nearly as much as before, some of it being time with Michelle but most of it the pain of the radiation giving him terrible headaches, almost migraine level shockwaves that made it hard to concentrate. 

Peter had already read the comments on the internet, Flash loudly and publicly defending Spider-Man for his scant appearances in the last few months. Peter grits his teeth, willing the pain to go away as he slides out his window and swings out. 

“Hello, Peter. How are you feeling today?”

“Fine, Karen. What you got for me?” Peter sends a hand out, swinging effortlessly through the city.

He’d missed this, the wind whipping around him, the rise and sudden drop of a swing. Before the bite, Peter had hated roller coasters - the nausea overwhelming and the heights terrifying him. Being Spider-Man changed everything for him, but that had been one of the more welcome surprises. 

Peter’s surprised then by the wave of nausea he feels as he swings past another building, making a too sharp turn that almost makes him black out. 

“Are you sure, Peter? I’m registering an increase in heart rate and the levels of radiation in your body have risen up to 63%.” Peter lets out a pained sigh, swinging faster. 

“Thanks for the update, Karen but really, I’m fine. Just been awhile.”

“It’s good to hear from you, Peter. I have missed you.” 

Peter chuckled at the warmth in Karen’s tone, disregarding that it was all just coding. Karen had been the one thing who knew about what was happening to Peter - as much as any AI _ could _know - and didn’t harass him for it. 

Even FRIDAY had pressured Peter in the lab, the few times he spent there now. 

_ Too much like Tony. _

A thought occurs to Peter that Karen’s still Tony’s creation but he dismisses it, in favor of the sound of raised voices that he hears down the street. 

“What’s that, Karen?”

“An argument, Peter. There does not appear to be a need for your—“

“I’m going to go check it out.” Peter ignores Karen’s warnings, swinging towards the argument only to be hit with another wave of nausea, suddenly feeling dizzy and too hot.

He faintly hears Karen in the background, swinging in an alley way as a shortcut to where the people were two blocks down.

But then he sends a hand out to swing, panicked by the realization that he’d inadvertently missed. He tried to send another web out, only to fall just enough to hit the edge of a fire escape, hard. 

The shock of it gets Peter more than the actual pain, scrambling to send another web out when suddenly it’s as if his brain is on fire.

Peter cries out, the throbbing in his head sudden and blinding - traveling all throughout the back of his neck and his spine. 

The next thing Peter knows— he’s falling, until he hits the pavement and blacks out.

* * *

_ “Kid? Peter? Peter, answer me. Come on, kid. Don’t do this.” _

_ The voice is trembling, screaming at him it feels like. Peter was floating and then he was falling, now in excruciating pain while somehow also feeling as if whatever was tethering him to this world wasn’t nearly as strong as the pull he felt for another. _

_ There are so many voices, warbling and loud, Peter vaguely felt hands around him. _

_ “Tony, we need to move him.” _

_ “He’s barely breathing, Steve. Come on, kid, open your eyes for me again. Come on, Pete.” _

_ It feels like agony, opening his eyes. Like fire and lightning and a darkness that’s pulling him further and further away. But Peter does, seeing through half-lidded eyes as Tony’s in front of him, his own eyes wide and terrified. _

_ “Kid?” _

_ A shock of something like lava hits at Peter, before he feels himself fade back into the darkness. _

* * *

Peter comes to with the feel of cool metal on his face, mask off as he blearily opened his eyes only to be surprised.

“M’sr Stark?”

“Hey Pete. Don’t move yet, FRIDAY’s still scanning to make sure there’s no spinal damage.”

Peter furrows his eyebrows, wiggling his toes.

“I don’t think I—“

“Let’s let the million-dollar AI figure that out alright?” There’s an unmistakable edge to Tony’s voice, Peter pressing his lips together. 

He hadn’t told Tony he would be going out today, he never really did. But neither he nor Tony had seen eye to eye on his spider extracurricular activities in the months after that final snap. He hadn’t been around the Tower much since that last encounter, the barest of meetings when May pushed him. 

If he was honest, most of the freetime he did have in the last two months had been spent with Michelle. 

She’s not far from his thoughts as he tries to sit up, Peter thinking that he has to get the hell out there before Tony tries to wrangle him into another overnight stay, another unnecessary check into his vitals. 

He was dying. FRIDAY would warn him. Tony would argue. Peter wasn’t up for another round of this. 

Tony seems to pick up on this, his hand firm on his shoulder, the full weight of the Iron Man suit on him. 

“Stay down, kid.” 

“How did you even know I was out? Where’s my mask?” Peter glances around, but the alley’s empty - as he figured it would be. 

Of all the things Tony was, of all the ways he had changed towards him - stupid was not one of them. 

Tony’s silent as FRIDAY completes the scan, Peter recognizing it from the way Tony’s shoulders slightly relax. He brings a hand to the kid, bracing the back of his neck as helps Peter up.

“Come on, Pete. Let’s get you check--”

“No.” Peter’s tone is harsher than he means but he’s firm, shaking away Tony’s grasp as soon as he’s standing on his own two feet.

“Peter.”

“No, I’m fine, Mr. Stark. FRIDAY told you what you needed to hear alright? I’m fine.”

“You’re not _ fine _, kid. You fell almost twenty feet. You wanna tell me how that happened? You out of web fluid or what?”

Peter bites his lip, eyes shifting as he thinks. The only reason Tony could’ve known he’d been out is if he’d hacked into the Baby Monitor protocol, keeping tabs on what Peter did in the suit, likely getting alerts anytime he was in it.

It wouldn’t help him to lie, and Peter - for all his stubbornness, hated doing so. 

“I… I think I just missed the landing or something. Shot off a web that didn’t take.” 

“You missed--” Peter watches as Tony sighed, closing his eyes. He grit his teeth before speaking, Peter feeling his own jaw tighten.

“You want to explain to me how you - a kid with super senses - somehow _ missed _ shooting off a web? It’s a rookie mistake, Pete, one that you’ve never made before.” 

“I’m tired. It happens. It’s fine.”

“Can you stop with that shit? It’s not fine. None of this,” Tony waves his hand around, “is fine.” Tony glances down the alley, before turning back to Peter.

“Alright, come on. We’re heading to the Tower.”

“No. I’m not going.”

“Peter, I’m not asking you, I’m--”

“I have plans, Mr. Stark.” Tony is fuming, Peter seeing the way his mouth twists. 

“And what _ plans _ are so important that you can’t even check---”

“_ Plans _. My business. My life, Mr. Stark.” Peter’s jaw hurts from how much he’s grinding his teeth, the tension between them so thick that Peter feels as if he could cut through it. 

“Not that you seem to care about that.”

There’s a flash of anger in Tony’s eyes, countless arguments running behind them that Peter can see building before it suddenly drops - Tony wilting in a way that surprises Peter. He sighs, closing his eyes. 

“I don’t know what you want me to do, Pete. I don’t know how to....” 

Peter’s taken aback, if only because he hadn’t anticipated Tony conceding the fight as quickly as he did. 

“I want you to trust me, Mr. Stark. Just… let me be.” 

The pleading is back in Tony’s eyes, a look that Peter has become all too familiar with.

“You know I can’t just let you go, kid. I can’t. I _ won’t _.”

The left side of Peter’s mouth upturns, a humorless laugh. “You did say once that you were never good at following orders.”

Tony laughs a little before stopping, a hopeful look on his face. 

He’s silent for a beat, then continues. 

“I don’t know if I can do this, kid.”

“I know, Mr. Stark. I know.” 

Another moment of silence.

It’s Peter who initiates the hug this time, Tony’s arm enveloping him. Peter closes his eyes, feeling as the tension between them slowly starts to drip away.

Peter knows that Tony’s terrified, manifesting the same fear that Peter in his darkest moments feels. 

Peter doesn’t want to die, he doesn’t. But he already knows deep in his soul that there’s nothing that Tony could do or find that could fix the damage within him. Even if he did, even if it was possible, Peter didn’t want to greet his end in some hospital bed - after months and months of struggle. 

It was slow, painful, and horrifyingly morbid, but it didn’t compare to the emptiness Peter felt at the idea of leaving this world without Tony having come to accept it.

As Tony grips him tighter, a hand softly threading through the back of his hair, Peter realizes that maybe Tony would never be able to accept it. If anyone really ever would. 

But maybe Tony was finally coming around to just _ being _ with him. 

* * *

“Everything alright?” Michelle perks up, stomach in knots.

“Yes, of course Ms. Potts.” Pepper smiled, the warmth of it immediately disarming Michelle.

“I think we’ve established that you can call me Pepper.”

“With all do respect, Ms. Potts but as an aspiring badass, I’d want people to give respect to my name.”

Pepper laughs, Michelle smiling.

“I’ll allow it, if only because you’re a breath of fresh air. But really,” Pepper hands Michelle some of the documents she’d be waiting for, “please feel free to call me Pepper.” 

Michelle just nods, smiling as Pepper walks toward her office. She looks to the files on her desk and shakes her head.

Peter had made good on his promise in getting her the internship, even being there for her when she first arrived. 

Michelle still winces at the awkwardness of that first meeting, less between her and Peter and more of the assumptions she’d had of Pepper.

Pepper was nearly everything she wanted to be - a woman who was not only in charge of herself and a business, but - something Michelle would never admit aloud - was someone who had also managed to “have it all”. 

It was an awful cliche, one that Michelle’s sense of ambition and purpose in life yelled at her for thinking. It was naive and romantic in a way that Michelle had never allowed herself to think. But she still wanted it - and she admired Pepper for seemingly having achieved. 

For Pepper then to not only have been aware of her, completely blew her mind. Michelle hadn’t realized to what extent Peter had talked her up until they’d been introduced, Michelle being taken aback by how much Pepper really did seem to like what she’d heard of her. 

It was flattering, for one of Michelle’s heroes to hold her in such high acclaim before they had ever even met, but it was also baffling. There was no reason for Peter to talk to her about as much as he did, in the two months they’d been hanging out. 

_ Unless there was another reason _. 

It was a quiet voice, a slightly unwelcome one - Michelle dismissing the thought that only grew louder and louder in her head.

Her own lingering observations, the reasons for why she had originally watched Peter had only magnified in the time that she spent with him. It would be more aggravating if it wasn’t so damn appealing, something Michelle had neither planned for nor anticipated. 

Michelle liked spending time with Peter. Liked being around him. 

And she got the feeling that Peter, for all his snarky remarks that he lobbed back at her, seemed to feel the same way.

It was terrifying to Michelle, in a new and exciting way. She was ambitious, not dead - she’d had a couple of relationships before, if you could really call high school flings that. Peter hadn’t been her first crush, but the way his presence warmed her, the way his eyes lit up when he smiled, stirred something in her that she’d never felt before. 

Michelle shook her head, trying and failing not to think about him. 

Peter wasn’t a flake anymore, for one - he’d gotten her the internship. But Peter was also a distraction and with the decathlon meet finally coming up next week, she could try and will herself to believe that once it was over - that their time hanging out would be over too, even if the thought of that made her stomach drop.

Michelle had plans, dreams - a whole life yet to live outside of New York. She didn’t have time for distractions, much less brown-eyed cute ones that made her laugh harder than she ever has, made her see the world in a way she hadn’t ever considered before. 

She tries to focus herself once more on the task at hand, some kind of legal brief Pepper wanted her to give the once over for - for practice, it seemed since Pepper was apparently aware of her interest in the legal field without her once ever having to have said it - when her phone buzzes. 

Michelle glances towards Pepper’s office, bringing her phone out only to smile.

**Peter Parker**: we still on for tonight?

Michelle laughed, tapping out a reply. 

**Michelle Jones**: you chickening out? Admitting defeat? I’m surprised, Peter. I didn’t take you for a coward. 

Michelle smirks as she watches the text bubble light up, already imagining the stupid grin on his face.

**Peter Parker: ** me? A coward? You WISH. Just trying to save you the embarrassment, you know. For when Gino’s wins. 

**Michelle Jones**: in your dreams, Parker. 

**Peter Parker:** oh I’m Parker again?? I see how it is.

**Michelle Jones:** That’s your name isn’t it? Don’t be cute with me, Parker. 

**Peter Parker**: cute is all I know how to be ;) besides, I told Ned about it and he thinks we’re being ridiculous. He says Angelo’s is better than both of them. 

Michelle pauses, the fluttering in her stomach going on wild. 

He was flirting with her. Outright. Blatant.

_ Was that a winky face? _

Not to be outdone, Michelle hurriedly sends out a reply.

**Michelle Jones:** cute is pushing it. Mildly attractive at best. Also leave Ned out of this. I don’t trust the opinion of anyone who has such strong opinions about the order of Star Wars movies.

**Peter Parker:** first of all, that wounds me. here I thought we were friends but all i get is sarcasm and insults. I really am way too nice to you. 

Michelle laughs, reading the next text as it comes in. 

**Peter Parker**: second, the fact that you DON’T have an opinion about the order of Star Wars movies has a lot more to say about you than it does about me. 

**Michelle Jones:** whatever, Peter. I gotta go back to work now, i’ll see you at Gino’s at five. 

**Peter Parker**: work?? You mean…. The internship?? That I got you??? You’re welcome!!!!

**Michelle Jones:** you don’t have to be such a smartass 

**Peter Parker**: :) 

Michelle smirks, putting her phone back in her pocket. Her whole insides feel like they’re warmed over, a wave of something unfamiliar and yet not entirely unwelcome flowing through her. 

The realization dawns on her before she can help it, hitting her like a sucker punch. 

Michelle liked spending time with Peter. Liked being around him. He was funny, smart and sarcastic - meeting her and then some with the back and forth. 

It excited Michelle. It terrified her. 

And as she started at the legal brief on her desk, mind reeling - it hits her. 

She likes spending time with Peter. 

She thinks she might actually _ like _ him. 

Michelle closes her eyes, leans back in her chair.

_ Shit. _

* * *

Pepper watches with a smile as Michelle leaves her office, a bounce in her step as she grins back down to her phone. Pepper liked having her around, was glad that Peter had suggested the idea in the first place. 

Michelle reminded her a lot of herself at that age, all ambition and drive and a desire to change the world. It was nice to see again, a reminder of the kind of person she wanted her daughter to be.

Pepper’s own phone starts to ring, hands going to grab it out of her pocket.

“This is Pepper.”

“What’d I tell you about just immediately answering the phone? You gotta keep the people waiting, Pep.” Pepper laughs, rolling her eyes as she walked toward her desk. She straightens a photo she has of her, Morgan and Tony, a soft smile on her lips. 

“Not all of us have your sarcasm, Tony.” 

“Though everyone wishes they did.” Pepper hears the wind through the phone, her eyebrows furrowing.

“Are you in--”

“Kid had a tumble, had to go check on him.” 

Pepper sighs. “Was he alright?”

Tony’s silent on the other end, Pepper waiting for him to find the right words. She already knew his struggle, the arguments that they’d had since their last discussion with May and Peter still ringing in her head. 

Tony was a man who could never rest, a man who was intent on solving any of the problems of the world that he could. She can still remember the question, almost permission he was asking of her in their cabin - when he told her that he’d discovered a chance to bring everyone back. 

She misses the cabin, the life they had there, if only for the quiet - but Pepper couldn’t bring herself to completely miss what that time was like. 

Loss, devastating and consuming - the only joy and bright spot of their lives being found in each other and in the birth of their daughter. Fighting in that battle hadn’t even been a question, being with Tony at what could have been the end of everything her driving force - if only to fight for a better life, a future, for Morgan. 

She closes her eyes, the silence on the other end of the phone deepening at the memory of seeing Tony, frantic and panicked at Peter with the gauntlet in his hands, the way he’d gone limp in Tony’s arms. 

She hadn’t known Peter well when he was alive, yet heard countless stories after he was gone. It had been a loss she had spent forever wondering if Tony could ever recover from, only for his hope at seeing him again to be shattered. 

Pepper knew this - Peter, alive but only for a moment, fading away just inches from his grasp - had to be killing Tony. She could only hope that she would be strong enough to keep him from floundering again, that Morgan could once again bring him back to life. 

She didn’t care for raising their daughter in the city - but Pepper already knew the minute they’d heard the news about Peter, the reality of what the gauntlet had done to him, that there would be no going back for Tony. 

He would want to stay in the city, be as close as possible to him for as long as he could. And Pepper, who loved him with every fiber of her being, wouldn’t begrudge him this request. 

Tony’s next words bring her out of her thoughts.

“I… I think he has a date.” Pepper lets out a sharp laugh, surprised. 

“How do you figure?”

“Feeling I had, said he had _ plans _.” Pepper put her phone on her shoulder, head tilted as she gathered her things and got ready to go. 

“You have any idea who it could be?” She hears the thrusters through the phone, indicating to her that Tony was nearly there. 

“No… but it sounds from the tone of your voice that _ you _ do.” 

Pepper smiles as she transfers her phone to her other shoulder, grabbing her purse. 

“I have a suspicion. I don’t think he talked about Michelle as much as he did just because they’re friends.”

“The internship?” Pepper hears the suit land, knowing he’s likely landed on the balcony. She walks out of her office, hitting the lights. 

“She’s a bright girl, I’m glad he mentioned her but…” She glances at Michelle’s desk before walking to the elevator, “I think there’s more to it than just helping a friend.”

“You think that’s a good idea? He doesn’t even want to find more treatment, Pep. How fair is that for him to--”

“I think he wants to live his life, Tony,” Pepper says, cutting him off. “And if that means getting to spend some time with a smart and pretty girl, I think Peter’s allowed to do so.”

She can hear Tony’s sigh through the phone, pushing the button towards their residence. 

“I know, Pep. I know. I’m trying.” Pepper smiles, eyes glancing up, watching the elevator as it led her up. 

“It’s hard, Tony. You love him.” Tony’s silent as she continues. 

“But we’ve all been seventeen once.” 

The doors open, Pepper walking into their residence when it hits her that even if that were true — it's as if she remembers that Peter’s seventeenth year would likely be his last. She sees Tony, his face lighting up at her presence. 

As she walks towards him, ending the call - a bittersweet sadness flows through her. Tony’s concern for Peter wasn’t misplaced - in more ways than one. She’d have to talk with May more about her suspicion the next time they chatted, talk more with Tony about what he thought. 

Though she and May were in agreement that Peter should be given the choice of how to live out the remainder of his life as chose - no matter how much it would devastate them - Pepper considered that maybe this was another thing they should be concerned about. 

For as much as she loved Tony, Pepper knew there was a difference between loving someone and losing them. She wanted Peter to have everything good in this world, everything he deserved. 

But knowing Michelle - even in the short time that she did - Pepper wondered if that was fair to her, to possibly fall in love with someone who would only leave her - if the risk of it would be too great.

Tony smiles up at her, Pepper walking straight into his open arms. 

Then again, so had she. And she wouldn’t have traded her life - no matter how long or short she’d have it - for anything. 

If Michelle really was anything like her, than Pepper already knew that it would be a risk she would be willing to take. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: don’t post another chapter until next week  
Also me: but consider this... what if I do?
> 
> I tried waiting for this cause I’m working on the sequel to [Five Times Peter Tried to Save Michelle ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18896770/chapters/44855035) but this story won’t LEAVE ME ALONE. 
> 
> I’ve watched AWTR seven times this week and have bawled every time. It’s fine. I’m fine.


	6. Six.

“Peter, are you sure about this?”

“Come on, May. We talked about this. I have to go to, I’m co-captain.” Peter shoves another sweater into his suitcase, glancing back towards May as she frowns. 

The decathlon meet was being held in Baltimore, a last-minute scramble when wherever they’d originally planned for it to happen in DC had fallen through. 

It was a shitshow, trying to cram in a year’s worth of knowledge into an academic competition for high-achieving high schoolers - half of whom hadn’t even been around for the past five years - but Peter hardly cared about it now. 

The decathlon team was background noise, static. Because all he could really think about was Michelle. The idea of spending some time with her in Baltimore, maybe taking a trip around the city. It would be freezing, Peter was already dreading how cold he’d feel in the crisp November air but the warmth that he felt from thinking of Michelle was electrifying, unlike anything he’d ever felt before.

Hanging out with Michelle made him feel like normal, made him forget - if just for a few hours - that he wasn’t skirting closer and closer to oblivion. There was a voice in his head that told him that he was being reckless, that getting close to her had been the exact opposite of everything that he had told himself he would do. 

But Peter couldn’t help it, couldn’t shake the feeling of just being drawn to her. And the best part for Peter was that it felt - it seemed, maybe - that Michelle had started to feel the same way too.

It was a gamble, the glances he’d catch in the hallway, the way her eyes would linger on him as they chatted in the diner, made jokes on their way to the subway. 

Their shoulders would brush as they tag-teamed coaching in practice, Peter’s heart skipping a beat when she’d laugh at some stupid joke he’d make. 

He _ liked _ her, more than he ever liked Liz - more than any other crush he’d ever had. 

And even if it couldn’t end well, Peter could hardly bring himself to think about that. 

“I just think with your headaches…”

“They’ll be fine, May. Mr. Stark’s given me some anti-migraine medication that should help.” Peter tried to smile comfortingly to May, Peter watching as she pursed her lips.

Their standoff in the alley had shifted things slightly, though Peter still got the distinct feeling that Tony was slightly angry - with him, with the world, with everything. 

But it seemed as if Tony was at least more open with Peter, more willing to talk _ to _ him in a way that he hadn’t since before he used that gauntlet. 

“I don’t like the idea of you being so far out of the city, Pete.”

Peter rolled his eyes, closing his suitcase. “I’ve been to space, May. I think I can survive a three-hour bus ride.”

It’s the wrong words to say, if only for the terror that immediately washes over May’s face. Peter regrets it instantly, tries to recover. 

“I didn’t mean--”

“Peter.” 

He goes quiet, May taking a shaky breath. 

Peter’s glad - if you could be glad of such a thing - that May had been snapped along with him, the first time. That she hadn’t spent the five long years alone, the years everyone else had lived through before the world was made right again. 

But the haunted look Peter always saw in Tony’s eyes, the way that Happy would look at him just a moment too long - as if he thought if he didn’t, that Peter would disappear - was the look that May had, staring back at him. 

Peter never forgot about the radiation, Karen chirping at him in regular intervals anytime he went out. He never forgot the whole reason for his tension with Tony, the whole reason he’d wanted to help Michelle with decathlon in the first place. 

He wanted to be normal, for just a few months. Because a few months - at best - is all he had left. 

Staring back into May’s eyes, the sadness that he saw before she tried to amend it, made Peter sink into himself. 

May had chosen to support Peter in his decision to live out his life - however much he had left of it - without submitting to any kind of further search for a cure. But Peter realized then - just as he had with Tony - that that didn’t mean that she had made peace with what that decision would mean for her when he was gone. 

“If you plan on walking around Baltimore, you should take the puffer coat.” 

“Huh?” Peter blinks a few times, almost getting whiplash with how quickly May’s broken expression changed into one of resourcefulness. 

“The puffer coat, the one we got last year? Or, six years ago? I don’t know.” She walks to his closet, rifling through it before she finds what she’s looking for, bringing it out.

“See? It has down feathers in it, it’ll make sure you stay warm. But don’t forget to wear at _ least _ three sweaters under it anyway, just in case.”

“May--”

“I want you to have fun, Pete. I promise.” She smiles, Peter struck with how similar it was to the smile he’d given to the adults in his life the past few months. A fake smile, one that didn’t reach her eyes. 

“Just come back home to me in one piece alright?” 

The words she doesn’t say linger, Peter nodding. He hugs her tight, May leaning into it. 

“I promise, May. I will.”

* * *

“So what’s up with you and Parker?” 

Michelle rolled her eyes, pushing the volume button up higher on her phone as Betty Brant sat next to her on the bus. 

“I know you heard me, Michelle. Don’t ignore me.” 

Michelle sighs, takes an earbud out. “What?”

“I _ asked _ what is up with you and Peter Parker? Why aren’t you sitting with him?” Michelle frowned, glancing at Betty up and down.

“I like to sleep on road trips and since there’s like thirteen of us, I get the front row.”

Betty rolls her own eyes, Michelle feeling exhausted from the conversation already. “Yeah, no I get that, Michelle. I’m saying, like, why aren’t _ you _ sitting with Peter?” 

Michelle studied her for a second, her eyes inadvertently glancing back to where Peter was sitting. He and Ned were only a row or two behind her, Ned asleep as Peter glanced out the window. 

She’d thought about it, actually - wondering if it would be too weird to ask Peter to sit next to her. They were co-captains, it was perfectly fine. Perfectly normal. 

It’s not like Michelle had thought about it, daydreamed about maybe listening to music together. It’s not like she brought a headphone adapter for that reason. He’d mentioned some bands she might like and Michelle had just wanted to return the favor. 

But then she’d talked herself out of it. It’d be too weird, they’d be _ too close _ for three hours. And Ned - thank _ God _ \- had clamored for Peter to join him as soon as Peter had stepped on to the bus. 

Michelle had seen the look of slight disappointment on his face, the small smile Peter had sent her way - almost as if he’d had the same idea. 

But whatever, it was fine. She was fine. 

_ Get it together, Jones. _

Michelle had decided she couldn’t like him like that anyway, couldn’t afford to. She had a plan - kick ass at decathlon, send in her college apps, finish senior year and get the hell out of town. 

Even if the idea of _ not _ spending time with Peter twinged something in her gut, the mere idea of it filling her with some kind of unexplainable feeling of dread, Michelle couldn’t allow herself to like him. She couldn’t. It wasn’t in the plan. 

And a three hour bus ride - sitting entirely too close to each other - would’ve been the last thing she needed to do. 

Her inner turmoil and silence did nothing for Betty who just sighed once again. “Honestly, Michelle if you and Peter don’t hook up at some point during this trip, it’ll be a waste of money.”

“Brant!” Michelle’s voice is harsh whisper, glancing frantically to Peter. He’s far enough away that there’s no way he could’ve heard them, but Michelle still feels embarrassed - her cheeks warming as if Betty had slapped her. 

The remark earns Michelle a grin, Betty leaning in conspiratorially.

“So you admit? You _ do _ want to hook up with him?” 

“I didn’t admit shit, Brant. You’re just really fucking loud and it’s a fucking small bus.” 

Betty shrugs, the smirk on her face annoying Michelle further. “What do you mean by money?” 

“Nothing to be ashamed of or hide if it wasn’t true.” Betty winks at her, going to stand and head back to her seat. Before she does, she turns back to Michelle, grinning. 

“We’ve got a pool going, how long it takes you two to get over yourselves. My money’s on tonight, but Abe thinks you’ll last till Sunday. Just so you know what the odds are.” 

Michelle shoots her the finger, Betty laughing. 

“Don’t be like that, Michelle.”

“Didn’t realize my sex life was any of your business, Brant.” Betty’s eyes widen, her face breaking out into an even wider smile.

“Who said anything about _ sex _? Damn girl, you really do have it bad.” 

If Michelle could blush, she would, gritting her teeth as her eyes bore into Betty’s. 

“What Peter and I do - or _ don’t _ do - isn’t any of your business. We’re your co-captains, not the topic of your little gossip chain.” 

Betty smirks, shrugging her shoulders as she gets up out of the seat. “You don’t even see it do you?”

“See _ what _, Brant?”

“About you and _ Peter _. You really don’t?” Michelle just stares at her, crossing her arms. 

“Well, let me know when you figure it out.” Betty winks again, Michelle rolling her eyes as she crosses her arms, Betty heading back to her original seat on the bus. 

_ What the hell does that even mean? _

_ Peter and I are just friends. Co-captains, nothing else. _

_ Oh shit. _

_ Did he hear any of that? _

Michelle pauses, then glances back towards Peter - his face firmly set on looking out the window. It occurs to her then that Peter - having the ability to stick to walls, to swing around New York like it was nothing, to be able to stop a fucking bus going sixty miles an hour - may have actually heard the entire conversation. 

Peter hadn’t told her he was Spider-Man yet, though Michelle thinks it would be stupid of her to even think he would. 

They were friends, just co-captains. She didn’t like him. She couldn’t like him. It was fine. 

But then Peter glances towards her, a look on his face that Michelle can immediately read - even as she sees him try - and fail - to casually smile. 

Peter had heard everything. 

_ Fuck. _

* * *

“I think she likes me, Ned.”

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, Peter. _ You _ were the one who said that you didn’t--”

“I know what I said, Ned.” Peter sighed, tearing off one shirt in favor of another. Ned watched him as he flitted back and forth, Peter glancing in the mirror before sighing and taking that one off too. 

“You know we wear uniforms right?”

“I know, Ned. I’m trying to figure out what to wear to--” Peter stops, gasping at the sudden onslaught of pain. 

Ned immediately gets up from the bed, rushes to Peter’s side. 

“Is it bad? What’s going on?” Peter waves his hand, trying and failing to stand upright. 

He hears Ned’s worried voice in the distance, a ringing in his ears drowning everything else. It feels like burning, crawling not just from his head but down his spine, into his stomach. It’s everything, hot and cold and fire and ice combined. Peter’s sense of gravity is lost, his senses going haywire. 

He thinks he hits the floor, feels Ned’s grip on his arm as lays his head back. It’s blinding, overwhelming, a pain that Peter can’t begin to quantify. But then it’s gone, left just as quickly as it came. 

Peter blinks open his eyes, gasping as he catches Ned’s worried stare. 

“Peter, are you alright? What happened? I’m sorry, I didn't count, I couldn’t--”

“It’s okay, Ned. I’m okay, help me up.” Ned does, Peter noticing his eyes widening. 

“Peter…” Ned points to his face, Peter wiping at it only to see the blood on his hand. He turns to the mirror, seeing the blood trickle out of his nose. He sniffs, then rubs more of it away, going back to the task at hand.

It wasn’t the first nosebleed he’d had in the past few weeks but it’s the first time Ned had been there to see it. The first time anyone had been around to see it. 

“Peter, I think you need to call Mr. Stark. I think you should go home.”

“I’m not going home for a nosebleed, Ned.” Peter’s voice is sharp, focusing on the shirts in front of him as he stands. 

“It’s not just a nosebleed! Did you not just pass out on the fucking floor?” Peter whirls around, caught off guard. Peter swore regularly- a byproduct of his smart mouth and fighting crime in Queens - but Ned rarely did. Peter can see the way Ned’s mouth trembled that it had surprised him too. 

“I pass out sometimes, Ned. It’s okay, I’ll… I’ll handle it.” 

“You can’t just _ handle _ this, Pete. You need to tell someone. An adult someone.” Peter shook his head, choosing a shirt. 

“We are adults, Ned. Basically. What magically grants me the ability to make adult decisions when I’d turn eighteen? Nothing. It’s arbitrary.” 

_ Besides, I won’t even make it to eighteen. What’s the point in waiting? _

“You need to tell Mr. Stark, Peter. Or May. This isn’t… this isn’t normal.”

“None of this is fucking _ normal _, Ned.” 

It’s tense for a moment, Peter weighing out how much he wanted to fight this with him. 

Peter wasn’t trying to be stupid, he knew that the pain was getting worse. And Tony had given him the migraine medication for a reason, a poor excuse for what the man had likely wanted to give him. It’s not like anyone needed to know that he hadn’t taken it, hadn’t wanted his judgement to be clouded for decathlon or to be loopy around Michelle.

His cheeks flush thinking of her, the whispered conversation that had rattled around in his ears. 

There was a bet about him and Michelle. About them _ hooking up. _Meaning that it wasn’t just in his head, wasn’t his own creation. Their teammates had even noticed.

Even Michelle’s own heartbeat had betrayed her, Peter’s stomach doing flip flops at the memory at how fast it had started beating when her and Betty were talking about him… and her. 

There was something happening between them. Maybe nothing, but maybe something. 

And Peter was intent on making sure that this trip was when they’d find out what that was. 

“You need to call him, Peter.” Ned stood up straighter, a look of defiance on his face that Peter didn’t recognize.

“Or I will.” 

Peter sighs, his shoulders sagging. 

“Come on, Ned.”

“_ No _, Peter. I let you talk yourself into thinking that hanging out with MJ was a good idea. I let you lie and say you’re fine when I know you’re not.” Peter goes to open his mouth but Ned stops him, continuing. 

“I let you believe that I’m okay with my best friend saying he doesn’t want to find another treatment option. I let you believe that I’ll be okay when you’re gone when I fucking won’t.” 

Something sounds as if it’s lodged in his throat as the tears fill Ned’s eyes, Peter watching as he pressed forward. 

“But I won’t let you keep all of this to yourself. Just because you’re not looking for treatment doesn’t mean you have to suffer, Peter.” 

Peter closes his eyes, letting a long and slow exhale leave him. 

He wasn’t trying to be an idiot. 

Peter just really wanted to see what he could have with Michelle. Maybe it was selfish and wrong and terrible in a way that Peter knows to be true, but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help himself when he was with her. 

He liked her. He liked being around her. And this trip was the one chance - the _ last _ chance, he felt - for him to find that out, before they went back to whatever normal their life had been before they’d been forced together. 

If Peter didn’t take this chance, he’s not sure he would get another one. But that would all be ruined if Ned ratted him out, the concern real and borne only out of love. 

“I’ll tell him, Ned.” Ned narrows his eyes.

“And?”

“And… I’ll tell him what happened. But I’m not leaving the trip, Ned. The team needs me.” 

“Peter…”

“Okay not just the team, I know. I get it.” Peter walks closer to Ned, hoping he could understand. 

“I like her, Ned. I really like her. I just want to find out if she likes me too? And I can’t do that if I get sent home.” 

Ned twists his lips, eyebrows furrowed as he thinks. 

“Are you going to tell her the truth?” 

Peter pauses, his eyes not meeting Ned’s. 

He’d thought a lot about it, the guilt of it eating him alive. He liked Michelle, so much more than he planned. It wasn’t fair of him to see if she liked him back, if he didn’t plan on giving her the full picture. 

He hadn’t, Peter can’t bring himself to think about it.

He’s made peace with what was to come - as much as he could, at least - but he couldn’t reconcile that peace with his burning desire to spend time with Michelle.

Peter’s silence is all the answer Ned needs.

He hears the disappointed sigh, then the neutrality that Peter had come to rely on - yet now suddenly utterly loathed - returning. 

“Well. Whatever you want to do, Peter.” 

* * *

Michelle hears his voice before she sees him, walking back to her room. 

She’d gone down to the hotel office to print something, just some last minute things before the meet tomorrow. But the fluttering she feels in her stomach as she walks closer to Peter hasn’t stopped, even with the harsh voice he uses on the phone.

He’s arguing with someone, though who Michelle couldn’t tell. He must be distracted because he turns to face her, completely surprised by her presence. 

“I’ll call you back.” Michelle faintly hears the voice on the other line, protesting but Peter’s already ended the call.

“You alright?” Peter nods, sniffling.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just a cold.” Michelle looks at him up and down, studying him as she used to. The bags under his eyes are deep and dark, as they usually were. How much sleep he got, Michelle never knew but this time she could see just how much the exhaustion seemed to emanate from him. He sniffles again, rubbing his nose quickly. 

“Doesn’t sound like a cold. You sure you can handle this? It’s a long day tomorrow.”

Peter nods, Michelle noticing that he winces as he does. 

“No, I’m fine, I promise. Probably a stomach bug or something.” Michelle’s eyebrows quirk.

“I thought you said it was a cold.”

“Yeah, a cold. That’s what I meant.” 

Peter’s hiding something, Michelle can tell but she can’t quite put a finger on what it is. Whoever he was arguing with on the phone had seemed upset, but for what Michelle didn’t know. His phone rings, Peter sighing as he looked to it. 

“You really should stop ignoring your calls.” Peter does anyway, looking back at her. 

“I’m talking to you. I can call them back.”

The fluttering her stomach feels like a full-on stampede, noticing the glint of something in Peter’s eye as he looked back at her. 

It was stupid. He was sick. Clearly, he needed to rest for tomorrow. Maybe it was just nerves.

_ Maybe it’s not. _

But the stupid remark Betty had made on the bus rings around her head, the reminder that Peter had likely heard everything. 

“Alright well, you should probably get some sleep. Like I said, it’ll be a long day and we need to be firing on all pistons if he wanna win this one.” 

Michelle smiles then starts to walk towards her room, only stopped by the sound of Peter’s voice.

“I was thinking…” Michelle turns to face him, watching as he tried to find the words.

“Careful there, Peter. Thinking might be too much for you in your diseased state.” 

“Hah.” Peter grins, “I can still wipe the floor with my physics knowledge.”

“Cocky. Bold choice coming from someone who looks as if a slight breeze could push you over.” 

“Whatever, MJ.” 

“You know I’m right.” She takes a step forward, Peter smirking.

“Do I?” He takes a step, slightly bridging the distance between them. 

“I’m always right, Peter. About time you accepted that.” She takes another step forward, a calculated move - one that Peter returns in kind until they’re inches away from each other, the air suddenly feeling as if it was electric. 

Michelle inhales sharply as Peter speaks, a soft whisper that stirs something in Michelle’s gut. 

“What exactly are you right about?” 

The stand there, inches away from each other, Michelle’s eyes suddenly darting to his lips. 

_ Shit. _

_ Brant’s fucking right. _

The phone rings, bringing both of them out of it. Peter backs up, Michelle mirroring the same. She blinks a few times, inwardly shaking herself. 

_ Get it together, Jones. _

Peter sighs as he glances towards the phone.

“Just answer the phone, Peter. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“That’s what I wanted to ask you.” Michelle glances at the phone, then him. 

“You think… I mean, you want to hang out after? The meet, I mean? I figure win or lose, we could see the city. Explore?” 

The phone keeps ringing in Peter’s hand, Michelle continuing to glance at it but Peter’s eyes are only on hers. 

Michelle feels herself smile, nodding. “Yeah. That’d be cool.” She nods to the phone. 

“You better get that.” 

Peter smiles. “See you tomorrow, MJ.”

Michelle nods as she turns, Peter finally answering the phone. 

As Michelle walks back to her room, Peter’s whispered voice filling the hallway once more, Michelle is convinced of two things. 

One, she definitely likes Peter Parker. 

_ Fuck. _

And two, the thing that shouldn’t be nearly as interesting or as earth-shattering or as world changing as the first -- 

Peter Parker was hiding something. 

And she was going to find out what it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve written 5 chapters ahead of this fic & couldn’t wait till Saturday for this one. Will I post again anyway???
> 
> ...maybe.


	7. Seven.

_ Peter feels himself drifting in and out of sleep, beeping and wires and pain - relentless, never ending pain. He tries to turn his head, tries to move before he feels the soft hand threading through his hair. _

_ “Shhhh, baby, it’s okay. We’re here, it’s okay.” _

_ He knows that voice, but Peter feels as if there’s burning - everywhere, it’s burning everywhere. He can feel the tension in the voice as he starts to squirm, the pain sudden and blinding. _

_ “Tony? Tony!” The name sounds vaguely familiar to Peter but all he knows - all he’s ever known, all that is and ever will be - is pain. He seizes, feeling his body shaking as a new pair of hands grips his arms. _

_ “Pete? It’s---” The static grows louder and louder, Peter suddenly feeling as if he’s about to burst into flames. He hears screaming, a blaring of an alarm. He’s gagging, aware of something shoved down his throat as he continues to convulse. _

_ Blinding. Relentless. Agonizing. Peter’s not sure if he’s ever felt anything other than pain. _

_ “CHO!” “Help” “Tony!” _

_ The words are meaningless to Peter, the never ending cycle of agony, anguish, and burning - so… much… burning - continuing until Peter blacks out, relieved as the fire gives way to darkness - and to nothing at all. _

* * *

Peter wakes up with a start, eyes open right at the ceiling. He hears Ned’s loud snores in the bed across from him, Peter slowing his breathing as he closes his eyes once again. 

The nightmares of his stay in the med bay had only just started to stop, he should’ve expected that the conversation with Tony would trigger them once more. 

Peter grimaces, turning over to his side. 

It’s not Tony’s fault, it’s unfair to blame him for something entirely out of his control. But that was just it, the whole reason behind their argument. 

This wasn’t something in Tony’s control. And for as much as Peter tried to pretend otherwise, as much as he tried to push the reality out of his mind - none of this was really in Peter’s anyway. 

* * *

“Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“Nice to hear from you too, Mr. Stark. How’s the weather in New York? It’s freezing here.”

“Why the hell are you in Baltimore?” Tony’s voice is harsh, ignoring Peter’s attempt at humor. 

“Decathlon, Mr. Stark? The thing I’ve been preparing for all semester? The thing you’d know about if you talked to me for more than five seconds?” Peter grinds his teeth, whispering to Tony as he watched Michelle walk into her room. 

He’d finally worked up the nerve to ask Michelle out - sort of, it wasn’t really a _ date _ \- when Tony had insisted on calling, ruining any semblance of Peter trying to be cool in front of her. 

It wasn’t likely that she thought of him as cool to begin with, but it hurt Peter’s pride to think that he couldn’t at least pretend. 

She had been so close to him, Peter could see how her eyes darted to his lips.

_ Did she want to kiss me? _

Tony’s anger through the phone brings him back to the present. 

“You text me, saying you’re bleeding out, that you passed out, but then follow it up with saying everything’s _ fine _? And then when I try to call you, you not only don’t answer, I have to find out from your phone’s GPS that you’re in fucking Baltimore?”

Peter frowns, whispering furiously in the phone. “No one asked you to stalk me and my phone, Mr. Stark. That’s a violation of my privacy.”

“A violation-- Peter, what the hell are you thinking?”

“I was _ thinking _ that I wanted to finish what I started, do decathlon like I said I would. Besides, I wasn’t bleeding out, it was just a nosebleed. It’s fine.” Peter bites his lip, the sharp pang of the lie on his lips running through him. 

Tony must sense the uneasiness because his next question is a bit more probing. 

“_ Just _ a nosebleed? How many of those have you had lately, Pete?” 

Peter’s silence is all the answer Tony needs, Peter hearing the angry sigh on the other end.

“Kid, I get your decision. I get what you think you want to do--”

“Mr. Stark--”

“I’m not arguing with you on that now. I’m not.” Peter hears him sigh once more, the edge of it slowly fading.

“But Pete, you gotta be smart about this. You can’t just _ not _ tell us if something is going on, if your symptoms get worse. I can’t promise you I’m not still looking for something to fix this, but in the meantime, I can help you with pain management. Are you taking the pills I gave you?”

Peter’s voice is smaller than he intends, if only for the shame burning within him. 

Of _ course _ Tony hadn’t given up his lost cause, of _course_ he was still searching. Peter knew that, he’d said it when Peter had talked to him with May, hinted as much in their conversation in the alley. 

But to hear it again - outright and blatant confirmation over the phone - still gutted Peter. 

Ned was right. Peter didn’t have to let himself suffer, no matter what was going to happen to him.

He just didn’t want anything to impede on his plans, even if it put him at risk. But then there wouldn’t be a plan at all, if Peter wasn’t more open with the people around him - people who loved him, who only wanted to help. 

“No. But only cause it makes me tired, I don’t want to fall asleep during the meet.” Peter can almost hear Tony pinching the bridge of his nose, the frustration emanating off his voice on the other line. 

“I didn’t know it made you tired, Pete. If you would’ve told me…” Tony trails off, Peter still biting his lip. 

“I can fix the formula, talk to Bruce. I’ll get something new out to you by tomorrow night at the latest. Probably early afternoon, right after the meet. What time does it end again?” Peter’s cheeks flush, eyes widening.

“Uh, it’s okay, I’ll just get them from you when we get back.” 

“Pete, I’m not letting you suffer through the next three days.”

“You don’t have to come out all this way.”

“It’s an hour flight, less than if I’m booking it.”

“Really, Mr. Stark it’s fine, I—“

Tony sighs. “I can send a sentry out, have it meet you somewhere discreet if my showing up will embarrass you, kid.” 

“It’s… it’s not that, Mr. Stark, I, uh,” _ Shit, how do I say this? _ Peter thinks, scrambling. 

“I have a date.” Peter winces, embarrassed though he knows he should have no reason to be. 

Peter had noticed Pepper’s eyes on him when he’d first introduced her to Michelle, the way May’s eyes would soften anytime he discussed his time with her at the diner. Peter had a suspicion that the adults in his life talked about him, but he wasn’t quite sure how much. 

Hearing the silence on the other end confirmed for him that Tony had been made aware of Michelle too. 

“Kid.”

“Mr. Stark.” 

Tony sighs, Peter twiddling his fingers together. He couldn’t tell from the tone of his voice just what Tony was thinking - exasperation, annoyance, frustration, maybe some mixture of the three. 

“You sure that’s a good idea?”

Peter bites his lip, shifting his weight around. First Ned, now Tony. May hadn’t told him what she thought - she didn’t really tell him much about what she was really feeling these days - but he got the sense that May thought he was being reckless too. 

It’s awful of him, selfish and cruel. On the one hand, it’s just a date. Peter’s allowed to go out, have fun, enjoy himself for one damn night without having to worry about his impending demise. 

Yet the way that Michelle made him feel, how much she consumed his thoughts, how much he looked forward to talking to her, how much he loved hanging out with her - 

This wasn’t just a date. 

There was no future for them, no realistic chance of Peter even making it to graduation - for all his calculations, the nosebleeds and the intensity of the migraines messed that whole thing up. He’d be lucky to make it to spring break. 

Was it really _ so awful _ for him to want to have a good time with a girl that he liked?

_ Am I really that terrible of a person to go out with someone - someone who might actually like me back - when I know how it’ll end? _

Peter pushes those thoughts away, shaking his head as he takes in a deep breath. 

He can’t change the path he’s on, isn’t even completely sure Michelle likes him like that. But he’s not going to marry or her or anything, he just wants to go on a date. Enjoy himself. 

Act like a normal seventeen-year-old. While he still can. 

“It’s just one date, Mr. Stark.”

“Pete.”

“What? I can’t go on dates now? Is that off the table too?” Peter runs a hand over his face, the exhaustion of the night weighing on him. He doesn’t want to fight with Tony, not any more than he already has. 

“I’m not saying you can’t… do whatever it is teenagers do, Pete.” Tony sighs, Peter feeling dizzy. 

“I think you should be careful, kid.”

Peter’s dizziness intensifies, his mind feeling like it’s blurring out - even if he still hears Tony’s voice ringing through his ears. 

“You gotta think about this girl too.”

* * *

As Peter rolls over in his bed, the weight of that conversation feels heavy on him - the idea that maybe Tony was right. 

All he _ did _ was think about Michelle, his nearly every waking moment revolving around the possibility of getting her to smile, to hear her laugh. 

Peter loved arguing with Michelle, teasing her, debating about everything and nothing. She was unlike anyone he had ever met, fascinating and terrifying and funny in ways that Peter wanted to spend as much time as possible figuring her out. 

As he considers Tony’s caution once again, Ned’s discontented sigh, Peter wonders if it’s fair to Michelle to act the way that he does.

If he really does like her, he has to tell her.

As he brings the blanket closer to his chin, Peter shivering slightly from a chill that runs down his spine, a small voice in the back of his mind questions whether that would change everything. 

_ Does she even like you? _

_ Would she still? _

_ How could she ever trust you when you’ve been lying to her for months? _

* * *

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Peter looked miserable, Michelle frowning as she fixed her Midtown jacket. 

Their team was going next, Flash pouting because he wanted in on this round. 

“If Parker’s not feeling well, then I could--”

“I’m fine, Flash.” Peter answered tersely, Michelle’s eyebrows raising. He looked considerably _ not _ fine, Michelle noticing the sheen of sweat on his forehead even as he seemed to be shivering. 

It was cold in Baltimore but the heat in the hotel was working just fine. 

“I hate to say it Pete, but dickwad might be right.” Flash throws a fist up in victory, Peter looking up at her with a look she doesn’t quite recognize. It hits her a second too late that this was the first time she’d called him _ Pete _ instead of Peter.

The moment on the bus with Betty dawns on her even more. 

Michelle rarely used people’s first names, didn’t like the idea of people assuming that they were close in any way. Michelle had shit to do, places to go - people to meet. It didn’t make her many friends, but she didn’t really care.

For as obnoxiously talkative as Betty was, she seemed to pick up on Michelle’s shift in how she talked about Peter before Michelle even had. Michelle wracked her brain, trying to remember when she started calling him Peter to begin with. 

From the look on Peter’s face, it seemed as if he’d just caught on to it too. But he blinks himself out of the moment, Michelle straightening her shoulders. 

“I said I’m fine, MJ. We ready to do this or what?” Peter turns to the rest of the team, Michelle watching as Ned just stares at Peter. 

There’s a look on Ned’s face, a sense of pleading and frustration that barely cracks through the surface before turning into one of neutral support. Michelle’s eyes narrow as Peter starts to nod his head, turning to her. 

Whatever it was that Peter was hiding, Ned was in on it. Logically, Michelle already knew that the Spider-Man secret was a big deal, that maybe there was something going on with that that Peter was forsaking to be there for decathlon. 

But there was something… else in Ned’s look, something else that gave Michelle pause. 

It’s a look Michelle doesn’t quite recognize, but one that she’s convinced she has to keep digging to find out what it is. If Peter was skipping out on something Spider-Man related for decathlon, she’d find out soon enough - after today, decathlon was over.

If it was something else, well - they didn’t really have any reason to hang out… but Michelle wanted to anyway. A part of her reasoned it was just curiosity, the need to know what Peter is hiding.

But Michelle can’t fool herself completely. 

Midtown is called, Peter and Michelle gesturing for the team to go out in front of them as they’d planned. Right before they step out, Michelle grabs his arm, Peter’s eyes widening at the touch, even through the thick and scratchy fabric of their team jackets. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” She whispers, face only inches away from him. It’d be a more charged moment if Michelle wasn’t so convinced that Peter was hiding something, her curiosity and concern rising in equal measures. 

Something was going on. Something was _ wrong _. And Peter was trying his best to hide it. 

Peter just leans in, a smirk on his face. He’s so close to her, she can see the small smattering of freckles on his nose. 

“Let’s do this thing.” 

* * *

Tony ignores Pepper’s concerned look as he dialed his phone, her head tilting in that way that he already knew an argument was coming.

“Tony.”

“Don’t start, Pepper.”

“We talked about this.” 

“Pep, I-- hello?” He cuts off the conversation with Pepper as soon as May picks up the phone.

“Tony?”

“Hey May, quick question, did you sign off on Peter going to Baltimore or did the kid just pull off some massive road trip by himself?”

He can hear the sigh through the phone, the hint of exasperation that was emanating off of Pepper on their couch as she shook her head, looked back down to her book.

Tony knew that Pepper and May talked often, that they seemed to be completely united in letting the kid do his thing.

He promised himself - promised Rhodey - that he’d start trying to just be there with Peter, would attempt to give him the kind of support and encouragement he’d need as the months continued to roll by. 

But it was completely out of Tony’s nature to just _ be okay _ with something as completely unacceptable as this. He hadn’t given up looking for something, _ anything _ that would help Peter.

Tony may not have spent nearly as much time pouring into it has he originally planned, didn’t have the ability to keep Peter safe from anything that was hurting him - but Tony didn’t plan on stopping his plan to try and save him anytime soon. 

Even if Pepper and May seemed to be on the same, frustrating and unfathomable page. 

“Yes, Tony, I did. He’s been preparing for this all semester long, I think he deserved the chance to compete for himself and see how it went.”

“You know Baltimore’s three hours away right? Three hours, May. I can’t get there fast enough if something…” Tony chokes up, closing his eyes as Pepper puts down her book, staring back at him. 

He can’t even say the words, can’t even put the kind of misery that creeped around the edges of his mind into reality. 

He can’t lose Peter - _ not again _\- and the reality of the kid’s horrifying brushes with death are never far from his mind. This seems like a chance, a bet between himself and the universe that this time - Peter Parker would not succumb. 

Tony had never been much of a betting man, but he’d think he’d risk almost anything to even those odds. 

“I know, Tony. Peter will be okay. It’s one school trip, just three days. If you think I haven’t been sitting here clutching my phone, hoping to God and whoever will listen that he’s okay, then you must not know me very well.”

Tony closes his eyes, taking in another breath. 

He can’t lose the kid, the idea of it completely unfathomable, but Tony could at least rely on Pepper, Happy, Rhodey - any number of people at his beck and call.

May Parker had friends and co-workers - but her only real and true family was Peter.

If she was willing to let him off for one weekend, who was _ he _ to question her? 

“He’s a smart kid, Tony. He deserves the chance to show it.”

_ He deserves the rest of his life to show it. _ Tony thinks, taking another breath as he leans into the phone. 

“You know about this girl, Michelle?” 

He hears another sigh, the sound of movement on the other end. 

“She seems nice, Pepper likes her.” 

“I know Pepper likes her,” She perks up, hearing her name, Tony ignoring her as he continues.

“She sounds great, May but I’m more concerned with Peter liking her. It’s not smart, not with everything else.” 

“I’m not sure I follow.”

“I don’t know how good of an idea it is, May. Going on dates, spending so much time with a girl when--”

“Aren’t you the one that keeps saying that Peter deserves a normal life? That he deserves the chance to _ have _ a life?” 

Tony grits his teeth, sensing Pepper’s movement off the couch behind him. 

“Yes. Which is why I don’t understand why--” He exhales sharply. “That’s not why I brought it up, May. Has he told this girl what’s going on? Has he told _ her _ that he wants to fucking give up?”

He can feel Pepper’s hand on his shoulder now, willing him to calm down. Tony tries, if only because he recognizes that blowing up all his frustration on May would be fruitless.

May Parker had known loss in such a deep and personal way, Tony didn’t dare to try and claim that she didn’t. 

To face the gulf of unimaginable loss in front of her and still be willing to advocate for her nephew’s chance to live his life as he pleased had to take an amount of courage that Tony could barely grasp at. 

“I don’t think he has. I don’t know.” He hears more movement on the other line, can only guess that she’s pacing as she often did. Pepper comes to stand right beside him. He looks up at her, seeing the concern in them. 

“Pepper and I have talked about it, we’re not… I’m not sure what to do.” 

Tony closes his eyes, wrestling within himself. 

He can’t bring himself to accept Peter’s decision, he can’t - he _ won’t. _ The kid clearly wanted to live, if he was so interested in a girl that he got her an internship, spent seemingly every moment he could with her from what Pepper had said, from what Tony knew himself. 

But when he looked into Peter’s eyes, Tony couldn’t escape the exhaustion behind them - a faraway look in them that’s all too familiar to him. 

Peter knew he was dying and had decided he wanted to spend whatever he had left enjoying it. But at what cost? To what end, if he were to bring someone else in to his life that would only be devastated when he left? 

“I don’t like it, May. I don’t like any of this.” Tony grabbing on to Pepper’s hand, a lifeline as he looked up into her eyes. 

“But if he’s going to do this, if he’s going to keep being around this girl, he should tell her.”

* * *

Michelle can’t say she’s surprised that Midtown doesn’t win. Especially since they were competing against some assholes from California who somehow had an entire team that hadn’t been Blipped. But Midtown did well enough, all things considered. 

What had baffled Michelle wasn’t that they lost, even as Flash tried to whine that if he’d been a part of the final round that they wouldn’t - it was the complete and utter shift that Peter had given. 

One moment he looked absolutely miserable, almost on the verge of throwing up. 

The next he was transformed, confident and ready in a way that almost gave Michelle whiplash. A part of her wondered if this what it was like for him as Spider-Man, the switch from the quiet, kept to himself Peter Parker versus the smart ass, leaping in front of a fucking bus Spider-Man. 

Michelle had seen that side of him more and more in the last few months, the ease and confidence that Peter clearly felt when he donned spandex and swung around the city slipping into their own conversations.

She didn’t quite know what to make of it, especially knowing that Spider-Man had only gone out less and less in the past few months. Michelle wondered if she had anything to do with that, considering all the time they spent with each other. But she had just shrugged it off, arguing to herself that if Peter really had to be anywhere - he would be. 

Seeing him - on stage, acting as if he hadn’t looked sick as a dog just moments before - made Michelle question the last few months all over again - arguing with herself as she watched her teammates celebrate the end of decathlon. 

_ Why wasn’t Peter going out as Spider-Man as much? _

_ He likes you. _

_ It’s gotta be more than that. He switches so easily from cocky to quiet, something’s going on. _

_ It’s the superhero gig, a secret identity. _

_ But what does the secret identity have to do with Ned? _

She glances to Ned, surprised to see that she’d been so caught up in her own thoughts that Michelle had completely missed that he was staring at her. Her eyes go towards Peter, him clearly trying to get away from Angelica’s chattering but smiling politely, like the idiot he was. 

Michelle’s eyes go back to Ned who suddenly, was right beside her.

“You doing okay, Leeds?”

Ned bites his lip, clearly wrestling with himself about something. 

“I’m fine. But… um, I think, I think there’s something you should know.”

Michelle frowns. “Please don’t tell me you charged something to the room. You know Harrington’s gonna have our ass if we do that again.” She looked over to where Harrington was, the poor man trying and failing miserably to hit on some teacher from a school in another state. 

“No. It’s, it’s not about the room.” Michelle’s attention goes back to Ned, who was looking more and more uneasy about whatever it is he had to say. 

Michelle’s investigative side starts to rear its head, the curiosity pressing in on her. 

Whatever it was that was going on with Peter, Ned clearly knew about it. And it seemed as if he wanted to tell her - but for whatever reason, he hadn’t. 

It sounded like a secret, something Michelle shouldn’t push on.

But she couldn’t help herself. 

“What’s it about, Leeds?”

“It’s…” Ned glances down, seemingly trying to summon the courage to say whatever he had planned, Michelle watching as he bites his lip. Ned looks uneasy, like he’s not even sure he should be saying something.

It makes Michelle even more curious. 

“Leeds?”

“It’s about Peter.”

“What about me?” Michelle and Ned both turn, Peter’s cheeks flushed as if he’d run over there. He sends a murderous glance towards Ned, Michelle’s eyebrows raising as Ned looks up to Peter. 

“I was just telling MJ what a great co-captain you’ve been, really proud of how you two worked together.” Ned grits his teeth, Michelle watching as he stands his ground.

“It’s _ so important _ for a friendship to be built on trust, isn’t it?”

Peter grinds his own teeth, Michelle eyes darting between the two of them as Peter speaks up.

“Yeah, it is. _ Trust _ is important, especially between best friends. Always good to know you can rely on the people around you.”

They are both silent for a moment, a stand-off of sorts before Michelle butts in, trying to defuse the situation. 

“Well whatever the hell is going on between you two can wait.” They both turn to her, Michelle shrugging. 

“We finished decathlon and Harrington’s probably going to drown his sorrows at the bar, so we’re off the hook.” She looked towards Peter, offering a small smile.

“You still down for that city tour or whatever?” 

Ned goes to speak up but Peter ignores him, nodding his head.

“Yeah, sounds great.”

“Cool, I’ll meet you outside in five.” 

As Michelle turns away, she can hear the furious whispers between the two boys. She glances over her shoulder, watching as Ned tries - and fails - to argue with Peter about something.

There’s something going on with Peter, something that Ned had clearly wanted to tell her about. 

But even as the curiosity, the mystery of it all intrigued her - Michelle suddenly realized what she had signed up for. 

Michelle was going out with Peter Parker. 

Alone.

Something they’ve done countless times before and yet, this time - tonight - it felt different. 

Michelle smiled.

_ Like a date. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I already updated IronDad bingo today but the recent Disney/Sony news got me FEELING some kind of way so you know what? I'm posting this bad boy today. 
> 
> Next chapter is the date, kids.
> 
> Get ready.


	8. Eight.

Peter is nervous, fiddling with the edge of his coat as he walks in step with Michelle. 

They’ve walked through the streets of New York countless of times, walked side by side through busy streets and crowded walkways and headed to dozens of restaurants around the city. 

Yet walking by Michelle now, her own hands awkwardly and loosely by her side, feels different for Peter. He lets his own hand swing, almost brushes past hers before bringing his hands together. 

The air feels different, even in the freezing cold November air. Peter’s in the parka May had suggested, along with the requisite number of sweaters, yet the churning in his gut, the fluttering and flip flop in his chest makes him feel as if he could shed every layer he had on and still be warm enough. 

It was a _ date _, a real one. Michelle must sense it too, being uncharacteristically quiet. 

Peter knew he’d fucked up earlier, trying to hide how miserable he’d been feeling before the meet. Michelle was far too perceptive for that. Tony had made good on his promise to send the upgraded pills, Peter taking one before the decathlon. It’d barely kicked in on time for him to compete but Peter hadn’t cared. 

His head was clear, even if he felt a little hot - though Peter couldn’t tell if that was a side effect or because of the situation he was currently in. 

He’d been on dates before, though none of them had been particularly memorable - especially if he considered the disaster that had been homecoming sophomore year. 

But this was the first time he’d felt like it was a date that mattered, like the person he was with actually meant something to him.

Peter liked Michelle. He knew it, even as much as it terrified him.

And he was fairly certain, especially since she was more quiet now than Peter has ever known her to be, that Michelle might actually like him back.

“So.” He breaks the silence, eyes darting towards Michelle as they keep walking.

“Any place in particular you wanted to go to?” 

Michelle looks around, shrugging - a motion that looked odd to Peter if only for how casually she seemed to be wanting to be. He knew Michelle well enough to know by now when she was tense, aggravated or annoyed. She was all of the former and none of the latter - seemingly nervous herself about whatever the hell they were doing. 

“A lot of stuff is closed now, you know. Cause it’s late.” Peter frowned. He hadn’t considered that, his random search on the internet for things to do derailed by his sudden desire to have the perfect outfit ready. Then he’d passed out, had that whole thing with Ned--

Peter winces. 

He couldn’t blame Ned for being overprotective, though he wasn’t sure how he felt about him almost ratting him out with Michelle. Ned hadn’t, and Peter was convinced he never would but still. He’d have to talk to him later about that. 

“I don’t mind.” Michelle offers, taking Peter’s facial expression for embarrassment. He looks up at her, her mouth twisting into a smile.

“We can just… walk around.” Peter smiles in return, nodding. 

“Yeah, that… that sounds good.”

They turn back towards the street, Peter inwardly kicking himself as they continue to walk. 

_ Why the hell is this so awkward? _

Peter knew the answer his own question, the hotel they’d been at fading further and further away from sight. 

The only reason he and Michelle had spent any time together in the past few months had been because they had been co-captains of decathlon - something that Michelle hadn’t been happy about in the first place.

Now decathlon was over and Peter - though he could guess Michelle thought the same - didn’t want their time together to end. 

He loved talking to Michelle, loved the ease of how their conversation and the banter they’d developed between the two of them. Yet to any outside observer now, it would seem as if he and Michelle had only just met - the silence between them not quite uncomfortable but dragging on beyond what their current relationship should be. 

Peter thinks back to Ned’s conversation back in the hotel, Tony’s own questioning over the phone. 

The silence between them felt long, but did nothing for the chasm between them of Peter’s own making. 

He liked Michelle, was fairly certain she liked him back.

But she didn’t know the truth.

He should tell her. Before it goes any further. 

_ I can’t tell her. _

Peter owes her the truth. 

_ What if she wants nothing to do with me? _

Peter goes back and forth in his head, the nervousness of the entire night thrown out for the overwhelming sense of dread building inside of him. 

It was one thing to try and discuss how you felt about a person. It was another to try and do that while also explaining the inevitable way any kind of relationship in his current situation would end. He still felt strongly about his decision, knowing that any treatment or pills Tony could concoct wouldn’t prevent the inevitable. 

There wouldn’t be a cure fast enough to save him. But Peter still wanted to spend any time he had left with Michelle. 

“MJ.” Peter stops, closing his eyes. 

_ I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this. _ He opens his eyes, Michelle watching him closely.

Peter tries to build his confidence, willing himself to push forward. 

He liked Michelle. And if he had any chance of making this work, he’d have to be upfront with her. 

“I need to tell you something.” He looks down, shaking his head. 

“Okay?” She quirks an eyebrow, watching him as he fiddled with his fingers. 

“I, uh..”

_ She’ll never want to look at me again, much less hang out with me. What am I doing? I can’t do this. I can’t do this. _

“Yeah?

_ I have to do this. She deserves to know. _

“MJ, I’m—“

“Spider-Man.” 

Peter’s head snaps up, eyes widening. Michelle just looks back at him blankly.

“Uh, what? I mean, I’m not--”

  
“I mean, it’s kind of obvious.” Peter blinks, mouth open in shock.

_ Well that was unexpected. _

“I figured it out, before the Blip. But then you didn’t come back on the bus and then when school started up again, you weren’t there so I figured that was some kind of like extra Avenger shit you needed to do. Plus, you were always flaking out in decathlon before all of this. And you quit band.” It unloads out of Michelle, stammering in a way that Peter’s completely unfamiliar with. 

Michelle was confident, sure of herself in a way that Peter genuinely admired. Yet now she seemed to be manifesting the same kind of nervousness he could feel churning in his gut. 

This wasn’t the secret that he’d wanted to tell her, though in retrospect it seemed to be the obvious one. 

“Uh…”

“I mean, I get why you didn’t say anything. It’s not hard to understand why the less people know, the better, considering all the shit you Avengers get into.” Michelle quirks an eyebrow, tilting her head.

“_ Are _ you an Avenger now? It was never really made clear.”

“I’m not an Avenger.” Peter offers, the first coherent sentence he can think of in the past five minutes. His mind is scrambling, racing to try and figure out what to do next. 

This wasn’t what he planned on telling her, Peter knew he had to get to the real thing sooner rather than later.

But it’s almost amusing to Peter, in a morbid and depressing kind of way, that what had originally been his greatest and most closely guarded secret, was nothing compared to the one that he was terrified of sharing, the one that would eventually end his life. 

In its own way, his second secret wouldn’t have been possible without the first so really, Michelle wasn’t wrong. 

There was a lot that she didn’t know. 

“But you _ are _ Spider-Man.” 

Peter sighs, feeling the courage he had been working deflating just as quickly as he’d considered it. 

Though the migraine pills seem to be doing their job, Peter’s suddenly overcome with how exhausted he is. 

He had to tell her the truth, the _ real _ truth. But looking into her eyes, the way they sparkled in the city lights, staring back into his, Peter makes a compromise with himself.

He had to tell Michelle the truth. 

But maybe not tonight.

“Yeah, I, I’m Spider-Man.”

* * *

_ I fucking knew it. _

Michelle grins, watching in amazement as Peter lets out a sigh, seemingly unburdened from the nervousness he’d had all night.

Michelle could tell there was something else still creeping in the background, something just quite out of reach that he hadn’t said - but she could really only focus on the surge of validation she felt at actually being told she was right.

Peter was Spider-Man. And now it was out in the open.

It was as if a dam burst, the nervous tension between them melting away. 

They continue to walk through the city, Michelle asking all of the questions she’s thought of for months. Questions on how he got bit, why he decided to start fighting crime, how he came to work with Iron Man.

She asked him about his “internship”, about the Blip, and coming back.

Michelle noticed how tense Peter got at that last question, something eating away at him that he didn’t yet feel like sharing. But Michelle didn’t feel like pushing it - _ not tonight _ \- because of how giddy she felt in being not just right, but getting to finally talk about it with him.

They walk for almost an hour before they stop, Peter looking around in confusion.

“Um, do you— do you know where we are?”

Michelle looks, eyes dancing around before meeting Peter’s.

“Nah. But it’s fine, we can figure it out.” 

A door bursts open just then, Peter and Michelle backing up as someone stumbles out. 

“Hey.”

A guy who barely looks older than they do nods, hiccuping before he walks down the street. Michelle smirks, glancing towards Peter.

“Looks like he had a little too many. That’s what happens when people don’t drink and then suddenly becomes legal. Light weights. You gotta know your limits.”

Peter shrugs, Michelle’s heart skipping a beat as he does so. 

_ What is it about those damn shrugs? _

“I’ve never drank, so I wouldn’t know.”

Michelle’s eyes widen, a look of disbelief all over her face.

“Never?”

Peter just shakes his head, smirking at her. “Why, have you?”

Michelle rolls her eyes. “Not everyone’s a saint like you.”

Peter just laughs, Michelle smiling at him. “Never said I was a saint, MJ.”

Michelle stares at him, Peter clearly seeing the mischievous glint in her eye.

“Oh I know that look. What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking,” Michelle smiles, “that we should have some fun tonight.”

* * *

_This is a bad idea._

Peter’s fingers tap nervously in the booth, eyes darting around.

“You’re gonna give us away. Calm down.”

“I’m _ trying, _MJ but do I have to remind you that what you’re doing is illegal?” 

Michelle winks, taking a sip of her beer as Peter watches, his own hands going to his drink.

“You’re only young once, Peter. Besides, if you don’t know your limits now, you’ll just get shit-faced and regret it come college.”

_ I’m not going to college _, Peter thinks, taking a tentative sip of his beer.

It smells awful and tastes the same, Peter wrinkling his nose as he gulps it down. Michelle laughing at him.

“Not a fan?”

“No? Ugh, this is gross. Why do people even drink this?” Michelle tilts her head, swinging back another drink. 

“Some do to forget, some for peer pressure. Beer is gross, I definitely prefer wine.”

Peter gives her a look. “Then why the hell did you order us beer?”

Michelle grins. “To see your face, for one.” She nods to the bartender, Peter’s eyes glancing over.

“Besides, Chad over there barely glanced at my fake ID but I didn’t want to push it. We can move towards the harder stuff later.”

Peter goes to take another drink, gulping it down before realizing what Michelle had said.

“Wait.. later?”

* * *

Peter has a fast metabolism - it used to be the bane of his hungry existence when he first got bit. Back then, before he’d told May the truth, she used to get on to him about his snacking habits - eating them out of house and home.

Now, Tony had given him enough specially made protein bars that even when he ate plenty at regular meal times - he never really felt hungry. 

He could’ve guessed, but had never tested it out, how his metabolism would affect his tolerance for alcohol.

Peter watched as Michelle started to slur her words much sooner than he had, the bartender sending her drinks. Peter burned with something almost like jealousy anytime a new drink arrived, watching in disgust as _ Chad _ would send the drink over and wink.

Michelle was oblivious - Peter’s heart fluttering that she seemed to only be looking at him: 

As a result of it, Peter started taking more and more of the drinks sent his way, moving from beer, to something fruity, to shots.

As the room started to swirl, his stomach churning with either anticipation or regret, he remembers a line he’d heard in a movie once.

_ “Beer before liquor, never been sicker.” _

_ Fuck, we messed up. _Peter thinks, blinking at Michelle. 

She’s giggly, more so than Peter’s ever seen her before. As much as his head feels cloudy, he also feels inexplicably light at the sound of it. 

“So what do you want to do before you die?”

The question throws him, if only because Michelle couldn’t possibly know how much Peter had thought about that very question.

“Uh…”

“I think… I want to climb a mountain or some shit. See the world.” Michelle purses her lips, taking another drink. Peter watches intently as she licks her lips, setting the drink down.

“Maybe go to law school or something.” 

“I think you’d make a great lawyer.”

“Why?” Michelle snickered, Peter laughing at the sound, “Cause I like to argue?” 

“No. Cause I think you’d be good at it."

Michelle accepts the compliment, smiling as she looks back at him. 

Her lips look soft, her eyes a little dazed from the alcohol. Peter starts to smile, wondering what it’d be like to feel her lips against his. He can see her lips moving again, Peter lost in thought. 

Peter admittedly didn’t have a lot of experience, being Spider-Man had taken up most of his available free time since freshman year. He'd made out with a couple of people before, nothing really memorable.

Peter wouldn’t consider himself an expert, but he was sure - even before the alcohol started flowing through his system - that he’d like to become one with Michelle. 

_ You’re only young once right? _

Michelle’s lips start to move more insistently, Peter blinking a few times until he realizes that she’s asking him a question. 

“Huh?”

“I said, what do- what do you want to do?” Peter furrows his eyebrows, trying hard to focus. 

What _ did _ he want to do? Not die, for one but that couldn’t be helped. He’d been to space. What more could he want to do?

_ Kiss you. _

Peter shakes his head, feeling his cheeks flush. “Uh, I think, I think prom would be nice.”

Michelle looks at him in disbelief before bursting out laughing, Peter joining her as a few people turn at the sound.

“You-you want to go to fucking _ prom _ ? _ That’s _on your bucket-list?” She giggles, leaning in conspiratorially. 

“Shouldn’t Spider-Man want to do some cooler shit like meet an alien or something?”

Peter leans in even closer, so close he can feel her hot and alcohol tinged breath on his face.

“Already did.”

Her eyes widen comically, Peter smiling. 

“No shit?”

Peter nods. “No shit.”

Michelle looks up, leaning back. “Wow.”

She giggles, Peter joining her until someone comes up to their booth.

“What the—“

“ID please.” A stern looking woman glares at him, hand out expectantly. 

Peter freezes, trying and failing to keep a straight face as he looks to Michelle. She goes for her wallet, fumbling a bit before showing it to the lady.

“Can we hel-help you?”

She looks it over, a frown on her face as she hands it back to Michelle, looking back to Peter.

“And yours?”

“I, uh-“

“He forgot his, back— back at the dorm.” Michelle offers, the woman turning to her as her eyes narrow.

“Which dorm?”

“The dorm… of our university.” Michelle had to be drunk if she couldn’t think of something better to say, Peter just as dumbfounded. 

The woman just stares, sighing. “I don’t get paid enough for this. Look kids, I should call the cops but I got more important shit to handle than some high schoolers acting like idiots.”

“We’re not—“

“I’m doing you a favor, kid.” She glares at Michelle, glancing back to Peter.

“Call a cab, a friend, whatever and head home. Remember how you feel tomorrow and don’t do this again, alright?”

Peter nods mutely, Michelle frowning. She goes to argue but the look on the woman’s face must be enough to stop her.

“Come on, Pete, let’s ditch this place.” Peter’s whole being lights up at Michelle calling him Pete, only to feel electrified as she slides out of the booth and grabs his hand. He nods to the woman, watching as she rolls her eyes as they make their way out of the bar.

Michelle’s giggling as they leave, Peter’s hand still firmly in hers.

“You got your phone?”

Peter just stares at her, swaying a bit. Michelle looks back at him, smiling with a dazed look on her face. 

He keeps staring at her until she says something. 

“What?”

“Nothing. You look, you look really pretty.”

“And therefore I have value?”

Peter blanches. “No, no I mean—“

“I’m just messing with you,” Michelle smirking, a look in her eyes that’s softer than Peter’s ever seen. “I think you look pretty too.”

Peter smiles, eyes darting down to her lips then to her eyes.

He’s aware that they’re still holding hands, closer to each other than they’ve ever been - closer than they’d been in the hallway last night. He leans in involuntarily, Michelle’s breath hitching.

“I, uh—“

“Yeah?”

His face is only inches from hers, eyes half-lidded as his lips part.

They stand there for a second before Michelle speaks up.

“I might kiss you.”

Peter blinks, feeling suddenly and intensely just how _ drunk _ he actually was.

He’d be lying to himself if he hadn’t dreamed about what it’d be like to kiss Michelle, hold her hand. 

To do more than that.

Peter was dying, not dead - and the thought of being with Michelle made his head spin.

He wants to kiss her, more than he’s ever wanted to kiss anybody, but he wonders how coherent he can actually be in the moment. 

Peter feels slightly dizzy, like the only thing keeping him upright is Michelle’s grip. 

“I might be bad at it.” Peter finally says, thinking that drunk or not - he’d be an idiot to pass up this moment. 

But if Michelle wanted it, she had to initiate it. 

Michelle leans in, her voice barely a whisper.

“That’s not possible.”

And then she kisses him, Peter’s lips immediately moving against hers.

It’s everything he’s dreamed of, everything - better.

The Baltimore air is freezing, the kiss moving to something a little more hungry. As his arms wrap around her, Michelle putting a hand to his face, Peter’s thrown by how perfect this moment feels. 

It was as if for one moment, Peter didn’t consider anything or anyone -- and for nearly the first time in recent memory, had no desire to. 

That it didn’t matter what they hadn’t said, what Peter hadn’t told her — that they were nearly drunk out of their minds. 

All that there was - and all that ever would be - was Michelle.

As the wind whips around them, Peter instinctually bringing her body closer to his as she responds in turn, it’s as if a fire burns within him. 

He likes Michelle, likes being around her, likes kissing her. 

And even if this wasn’t his first kiss, Peter already knew he wanted to make Michelle his last. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW ABOUT THAT DATE????
> 
> A reminder that underaged drinking is a no-no. 
> 
> And that some tags have been updated because you know.... 
> 
> You're only young once ;)


	9. Nine.

Michelle doesn’t know who calls the cab, or how the driver knows what hotel to get them back to but she can’t really bring herself to care. All she can focus on is Peter’s hands all over her, his mouth moving in sync with hers, his tongue—

Michelle sighs, Peter moving his lips from hers towards her neck. She can see the cabby giving them the stink eye from the front but Michelle is lost to the feeling of Peter’s body pressed against hers, the bliss and heat of this moment and the alcohol running through her veins. 

_ I should’ve kissed him weeks ago. Is this what I’ve been fucking missing? _

Michelle can’t bring herself to think on her plans, her ambitions, her foolish idea that she could stay away from Peter Parker because all she can focus on is how much she wants him, _ needs _him, has to feel him, running her fingers through his hair and down his back as his mouth moves back up from her neck to her jaw. 

Her lips find his again, eyes closed as her hands continue to thread through his hair, while his hands travel down her chest, her stomach, her--

“We’re here.”

The cabby’s voice is loud but it’s the sudden stop that makes Michelle almost lurch forward, if not for Peter’s steady grip. They part, Peter staring at her, Michelle almost smiling at how swollen his lips looked and how flushed his cheeks were. 

“Uh, okay.” Michelle offers, tearing her eyes away from Peter as he leans back, out of breath as she fumbles for her wallet.

“I got it.” Peter motions, Michelle frowning.

“I can pay for the cab.”

“You got the drinks.” The cabby raises an eyebrow but says nothing as Peter hands him some bills. Michelle watches for a beat before opening the door, almost stumbling out of the car. 

The cabby mutters something indistinguishable as she closes the door, Peter already out and by her side. He pulls away, leaving Michelle and Peter outside the hotel.

They glance to each other and then burst out laughing.

“Did you see his face?”

“He was so pissed.” 

Michelle feels incredibly light, dizzy from the alcohol and from kissing Peter and from the cold air. She looks back at Peter, sobering up slightly as she sees his eyes have a look in her eyes that stirs something again her gut.

Michelle’s drunk, drunker than she had ever intended to get - yet she can already tell that she won’t regret a single minute of this night in the morning. She’d wanted it, wanted _ him _. And from their brief session in the cab, Michelle knew Peter wanted her too. 

He leans in first this time, Michelle closing her eyes as his lips met hers. The kiss isn’t nearly as hungry or as searching as the one in the cab had been, softer in a way that makes Michelle feel as if she’s floating. 

Too soon, he breaks it, Michelle a little breathless. 

Peter isn’t her first kiss and she definitely isn’t his, but Michelle can only think of how much she just wants to keep kissing Peter - only Peter - for as long as she can. 

“We should head back.” His voice is low, his mouth still inches away from hers. Michelle smiles, bringing a hand to his cheek. 

“Think they even missed us?” Peter smirks, shrugging.

“Do you care?”

The look in his eye is there once again, Michelle suddenly feeling a sharp sense of clarity. Betty’s remark on the bus runs through her mind. 

As much as she hates the entire idea that the decathlon team was betting on them, she can’t help but feel a twinge of joy at the idea that Betty would lose that bet. 

_ Lasted till Saturday. Suck on that, Brant. _

She can’t quite remember who would be the winner when Harrington comes rushing out, causing Michelle and Peter to break apart. 

“Where the hell have you two been?” He sniffs the air, looking horrified.

“Are you two _ drunk _?”

Peter and Michelle look to each other, then back to Harrington.

Almost in unison, they sigh.

_ Fuck. _

* * *

“It’s not enough that you sneak out, Peter, it’s that you get _ drunk _? In a city you don’t even know? Are you out of your fucking mind?” 

May is yelling, Peter wincing as he rubs his hands together on their couch, taking the lecture. 

It was stupid, a stupid decision and a stupid thing to do. Yet Peter can’t bring himself to really feel sorry. 

The night was a little blurry now, the hangover he’d had the next morning more pressing on his mind than anything. 

_ Almost anything _, he thinks to himself, almost smiling at the one thing he was absolutely clear on. 

Michelle hadn’t told him she’d liked him, but the way her eyes had looked at him after he kissed her, the way her body leaned against his in the back of that cab, hands moving through his hair and down his back, made Peter think that they really didn’t need to clarify things. 

He really liked Michelle. And he was certain Michelle really liked him back.

But at the rate May was going, Peter wasn’t sure if he’d ever get the chance to see her again in his lifetime.

“May, I’m--”

“I am not FINISHED, Peter.” May’s out of breath, fuming as Peter closes his mouth. He knows he fucked up, not even realizing how much until he’d gotten back into the city and had heard the riot act from Tony, how dangerous the whole night had been.

Aside from the fact that they were in a city they didn’t know and had gotten drunk when they were still years away from being legal, Peter hadn’t even considered the effect the alcohol could’ve had with the migraine reducing drugs. 

From what Tony had insinuated - what little Peter could really decipher from all the yelling - was that had it gone bad, Peter could’ve had a seizure or worse - been in a hospital a lot sooner than he planned. 

What he felt instead was probably a little more tired than normal - though to what extent that had anything to do with the hangover or with side effects of the pills and the alcohol, Peter didn’t know. 

All Peter really did know - all that he could really bring himself to care about - was Michelle. 

“Are you even listening to me?” 

Peter’s head snaps up, seeing the anger and the hurt in May’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry, May.”

“You better be fucking sorry, do you have any idea--” May closes her eyes, Peter feeling awful as he sees a tear escape from them. 

He had been reckless in a lot of ways that night, in many that he couldn’t really regret - but Peter feels terrible at the idea of making May and Tony feel like he was being a danger to himself. 

He wasn’t trying to be, didn’t want to make either of them worry. It had just been hard to focus when he had been with Michelle - even before he took that first sip. 

“Do you have any idea what could’ve happened to you? What could’ve happened if you--” May cuts herself off again, Peter looking down. 

He lets May compose herself before biting his lip, looking back up.

“I’m sorry.”

May just stares at him, fighting with herself. She lets out a harsh sigh, shaking her head as she sits down on the couch next to him. She motions for him to turn towards her and he complies.

“Look, Peter. I won’t pretend like I didn’t do stupid shit like this in high school.” She lets out a laugh, though there’s no humor in it. “I mean, this is the kind of high school bullshit you’re supposed to be getting into. Not aliens, and other worlds, and wizards.” 

Peter laughs, May joining him with a sad smile on her face. She brings a hand to his, Peter holding her gaze. 

“But you can’t do that to me, Pete. You can’t be the regular kind of stupid kids are, you know that right?” 

Peter nods, holding on to May’s hand. 

“I’m really sorry, May.”

She sighs, looking up to the ceiling.

“I know, kid. I know.” They’re silent for moment before May gets a mischievous look on her face, Peter leaning back.

“So. You went out with MJ, huh? I wondered when you were going to ask her out.”

Peter groans. “May.” 

“I mean, the getting drunk part wasn’t smart but a date? How’d it go? Did you kiss her? You remember that talk we had about protection right?”

“MAY.” 

* * *

“I can’t believe you’re not expelled.” Peter laughs, shutting the locker door as he and Ned walk to class. 

“They weren’t going to expel the decathlon co-captains, Ned.”

Ned rolls his eyes. “Co-captains who got drunk during the decathlon meet, _ Peter _.” 

“After.” Peter corrects him, but only half-heartedly. He didn’t feel like getting a lecture from Ned too, even if he knew Ned had done his hardest to try and distract Harrington and the rest of the team from knowing where they ran off to.

Even if Ned had originally seemed reluctant about him hanging out with Michelle, or at least cautious about the idea of him doing so without telling her everything - to the point where he almost outed Peter himself - Ned was still his best friend. 

And best friends don’t let each other get caught. 

Ned had immediately apologized about almost ratting him out when Peter had finally made it up to his room, Peter dismissing it - already feeling the effects of the alcohol starting to wear off and leading straight to a hangover. 

He hadn’t told Ned all the details of what happened between him and Michelle, though it didn’t take long for Peter to realize that Ned had not only been aware of the bet that Betty had talked about on the bus, but had a stake in it for himself. 

Ned had bet on Saturday, and with getting caught by Harrington - the decathlon team put two and two together and declared Ned the winner. 

Peter didn’t know how he felt about that, all things considered - especially since Ned didn’t seem the least bit interested in sharing his winnings. 

“So what are you going to do now?”

Peter’s eyebrows furrow at the question, pointing towards the classroom.

“Chem class? We have a quiz remember?” 

Ned rolls his eyes again, exasperated. “No, I mean with MJ, dude.” 

Peter frowns. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Ned leans in as they walked, whispering. “You’re not exactly meeting for decathlon anymore. And she may know about Spider-Man, but she doesn't know about… you know.” 

“Yeah, Ned. I know, I know.” Peter sighs as they walked towards the classroom door.

It was something he still wrestled with, the truth of the matter still right in his face. 

Michelle had figured out his first big secret, but she didn’t know the harsh one - the secret that Peter was sure would only push her away. 

But then the memory of her lips on his lingers, the way their hands almost brushed together as they walked back into the hotel. 

He had to tell Michelle. 

But maybe not yet. 

* * *

Peter waits for her at the diner, fingers tapping against the counter. Eva comes by with a cup of coffee, smiling.

“You waiting on your girl?”

Peter perks up, suddenly at a loss. It’d been so easy, in the weeks before this past weekend to brush it off, deny and dismiss Eva’s claims. 

It’d been a hope that he’d never let himself have, an idea that he couldn’t bring himself to accept as possible. But now, the idea of not having her around that terrifies him, the sudden and inexplicable ache of what that would mean pressing on his chest. 

He’s certain Michelle does like him, that maybe she’d liked him just as long as he had liked her. 

But then they had been drunk, their interactions in the last few days being few and far between. It’d given time - _ too much _ \- to think, to wonder and reconsider if it had really meant anything. 

_ I like her. She likes me… right? _

_ But we haven’t talked. _

_ Is she my girl? _

_ She’d hate me saying that. _

_ But would she even want to be? _

Peter’s flustered with indecision, Eva sensing the tension in his shoulders as she places the coffee cup down. 

“Oh sugar, it’s just a question. Don’t worry about it, you ain’t gotta label anything you’re not ready to tell.” Peter offers a small smile to Eva, her blonde curls bouncing as she smiles back. 

“If you want my advice, I say you better snap that girl up and make her yours. Girls like her don’t come around often.” The bell rings, bringing Peter’s attention to the door, Michelle walking in. Eva winks at him, walking away from the booth as Michelle walks up.

She slides in, uncharacteristically quiet. 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

It’s awkward, reminiscent of that moment when they’d first started walking around the city. Peter’s not sure what to make of it, wonders if he really fucked this up.

He liked Michelle, he couldn’t try and deny it even if he wanted to.

But they _ had _ been drunk, and all things considered - maybe it was better if he and Michelle didn’t make this a real thing. 

Maybe it was better that they stayed friends, though Peter wondered how the hell they would be able to accomplish that with the growing tension between them. 

_ It’s hard to be “just friends” with someone when your tongue’s been down their throat. _

“I think--”

“I wanted--”

They both start, then laugh.

“You can go ahead.”

“No, it’s fine.”

They laugh again, Peter groaning.

“Why does this have to be so hard?”

Michelle smiles, leaning forward on the table, her arms in front of her. 

“It doesn’t have to be.”

Peter’s smile falls, looks into her face as she looks steady and straight towards him. The fierceness in her eyes is still there, Peter noticing her lip trembling slightly. 

Michelle was brave and confident and bold, but she’d already made the first move - that first kiss.

If he wanted this - and he did - Peter knew he had to be the one to make the first step here. 

“I really like you.” 

She smiles, her shoulders relaxing. “I really like you too.” 

They sit there for a moment before Michelle smirks. 

“And it’s about damn time you admitted it. You’ve only been flirting with me for the past few four weeks.”

“Me?” Peter balks, leaning forward. “You were flirting right back? Sending me winky emojis? Calling me at random times during the night just to ‘talk about decathlon’?” Peter uses air quotes, Michelle rolling her eyes. 

“I just wanted to see if I could catch you out doing your bug thing.” She wiggles an eyebrow, Peter grinning. “Besides, you sent me those winks first so don’t even try.” 

“Whatever, MJ. I think I’m pretty good at keeping secrets.”

“Nah, you’re an open book, Pete.” She grins, Peter feeling just as warm as he did that night in the bar at the sound of her shortening his name. 

Michelle then scoffs, shaking her head.

“What?”

“Nothing. Something Brant said.” 

“What?”

Michelle gives him a look, biting her lip. “You heard what she said on the bus right?”

Peter doesn’t even try to pretend he didn’t, looking down as Michelle groans. 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, Ned won the bet.”

Michelle lets her mouth drop. “NED BET ON US?” 

Peter laughs, nodding his head. 

“Yeah, apparently we’re the last ones to know.”

Both Peter and Michelle laugh, until there’s a comfortable silence between them. 

“So.”

“So.” 

Peter looks at Michelle, watching as she looks back at him, a smile on her face. 

Peter leans forward, over the booth, testing the waters. Michelle does the same, Peter closing his eyes as their lips meet. 

It’s a kiss similar to their last, though this time Peter’s fully aware of how soft Michelle’s lips are, how her curls gently brush against his face. He smiles while he kisses her, listening as her heart starts to beat faster. 

He leans back, Michelle’s eyes opening as she smiles back before startling Peter. 

“I’m not going to prom with you.” 

Peter laughs, making a face.

“What the hell?”

“I’m just saying. If we’re doing this thing,” she gestures between the two of them, leaning back, “I just need you to be clear on that.” 

Peter rolls his eyes, his hand going out to hold hers. She takes it, Peter’s insides warming at the gentleness of her touch. 

“No one asked you to go to prom, MJ.”

“_ Yet _. Don’t think I don’t know you, Pete. You’re going to want to make a whole thing of it, ask me to go and then I’ll just have to let you down, be the mean girlfriend who tells you no in front of people.”

“Who said anything about you being my girlfriend?”

Michelle’s face drops for just a second before she sees the smirk on Peter’s face and the wink he gives her.

“Asshole.”

“Whatever, MJ.” He holds her hand tighter, sneaking in another kiss. 

“It’s about time you made it official.” Eva’s presence surprises the both of them, the grin on her face mirroring the one on Peter and Michelle’s.

“Called it from the start. You two were meant for each other.” 

Peter glances toward Michelle, seeing how wide and bright the smile on her face was.

He runs a thumb across her hand, Michelle’s smile just deepening.

_ Yeah... I think so too. _

* * *

Peter sighs dreamily, leaning back on his bedroom door. May’s still at work, his phone buzzing with a few messages from Tony. He’ll get to them in a minute he thinks, Peter almost feeling like he’s drunk again with how light he feels. 

Michelle was his _ girlfriend _. 

He liked her. 

_ She likes me back. _

Kissing her was like finding the light at the end of a bridge he’d never expected to cross, like a breath of fresh air he hadn’t realized his lungs had been missing. 

He liked Michelle, so much, it felt as if he was going to burst. Peter almost wonders if he _ loves _ her, if that was too wild a thing to think of so soon - even if Peter recognizes that he’s been feeling this way for much longer than he would want to admit. 

They’d hadn’t spent long in the diner afterwards, taking the familiar path to subway - this time, holding hands.

It was a nice feeling. A good one, something that felt inexplicably _ right _. 

As he leans off his bedroom door, still grinning like an idiot, Peter suddenly feels a wave of nausea. 

_ No, no, no, no, no. _

It hits him, the sudden and blinding pain that brings him to his knees. Peter’s breath is shaky, putting a hand out to his bed as he tries and fails to stay upright. He’s on his side before he can help it, closing his eyes as the pain radiates all throughout him.

It’s intense, more than it’s ever been - Peter trying and failing to take a breath. 

He almost panics at the idea of being stuck here, _ dying _ here, for May to find him. Peter tries to breathe out of his mouth, blinks his eyes open as the shockwaves run down the back of his neck and his spine.

It’s relentless, coming in waves that Peter feels as if he’s going to blackout - the pain so fierce that when he finally does, Peter welcomes it as a relief. 

* * *

Peter comes to some time later, his room darker than what it had been when he first got home. 

May’s still at work, has to be only because she’s not hovering over him. He blearily blinks an eye open, wincing as he struggles to get up. 

_ How long was I out? _

Peter goes for his phone only to feel the itch in the back of his throat, just before he starts to cough violently. 

It goes on for a few seconds, Peter’s mouth tasting almost like copper. When he brings his hands from his mouth, Peter’s stomach drops. 

Blood, all over his hands. 

Peter can feel the blood trickling out of his nose, wipes it away only for the blood from his mouth to smear across his face. He wheezes, adjusting himself to sit up on the floor, leaning against his bed. 

He glances up his bedroom wall, panting heavily before closing his eyes. 

_ Fuck. _

  



	10. Ten.

Michelle hadn’t realized she was humming to herself until Pepper walks up, a smile on her face.

“Good day?”

Michelle glances up, smiling. 

“Just a good day to be alive, Ms. Potts.” Pepper shakes her head, sighing. 

“You know we’ve talked about this, Michelle. Are you ever going to call me Pepper?”

Michelle shrugs, the smile still on her face. 

“Can’t promise I ever will, Ms. Potts. You’re still a badass and I’m still in awe of your presence.” 

It’s Pepper who laughs, bringing a few more papers for Michelle to look over. 

“Well, I think you’ve been a badass yourself. Are these briefs too much for you?” Michelle shakes her head, glancing over them.

“No, they’ve been really cool to look through. I didn’t realize how much good--” Michelle stops, eyes darting up to Pepper before she says something she’ll regret. 

Pepper seems to catch on to her meaning anyway, much to Michelle’s mortification. 

“Don’t worry, I know what SI’s reputation can be, especially for those who were Blipped.” She smiles warmly at Michelle, nodding down to the briefs. 

“We’ve done a lot of good in the years since, I’m glad to hear that you’ve been enjoying the work. Is corporate law something you’re interested in?”

Michelle shakes her head once again. “No, I’m really more interested in criminal, doing something about the justice system.” 

Pepper nods as if what Michelle’s saying wasn’t a surprise. Though considering what Peter’s told her about their relationship, it likely wasn’t. 

Pepper offers as much, saying, “Yes, Peter’s mentioned your passion for change. I really admire that in a young woman. In anyone really, but especially someone as bright and as smart as you. It’s been a real pleasure working with you, Michelle and I hope you’ll consider interning with me further in the new year.” 

Michelle feels flattered by the compliment, if only because it doesn’t seem like flattery at all. In the almost four months she’s been interning for Pepper, Michelle has learned a lot about the woman that she is - and has only been impressed by her. 

Pepper was just as fierce as she always imagined her to be, just as confident and secure in the kind of work she was doing and the knowledge that she had. She was open with her compliments and kind, but Michelle got the distinct impression that she didn’t suffer fools lightly. 

It was once again, something she heavily aspired to be. To hear Pepper praise her felt like the greatest validation to her dreams. 

“Pep, did you get the---” Both Michelle and Pepper turn to the voice of the person who walked in, Michelle immediately feeling on edge. 

For all her appreciation and admiration for Pepper Potts, she held exactly none for Tony Stark. 

Peter had talked him enough that Michelle felt she had the gist of who he was, her own background research into him leaving little to be desired. Peter had told her time and time again that Tony Stark wasn’t like all the news outlets said and that his history and his past didn’t define who he was. 

Tony Stark seemed to be heavily involved in Peter’s life, in aspects that Michelle only barely understood - as much as she tried. 

Yet Michelle couldn’t help the feeling that if she met the man - for reasons she couldn’t quite explain - she wouldn’t like him. It’s a snap judgement, something Michelle knows is beneath her. 

Yet as he walks up to the two of them, a cold expression on his face, Michelle can’t help but feel that maybe her instincts had been right. 

“I didn’t realize you had company.” 

Pepper laughs, Michelle watching as the sound of it was slightly awkward. “We’ve talked about this Tony. This is Michelle Jones, my new intern.” 

Tony turns to her, putting a hand out. “Tony Stark. But you knew that.”

Michelle frowns, putting her hand out only out of respect for Pepper. “Michelle.” 

“Heard from Peter you go by MJ.”

“It’s Michelle.” Pepper raises an eyebrow, Michelle kicking herself. 

She didn’t want to make a bad impression in front of Pepper, but something about his presence bothered Michelle. From the look on his face, the feeling only seemed to be mutual. 

“Well  _ Michelle _ , sorry to interrupt.” He turns almost briskly to Pepper, Michelle seeing the look of confusion on her face. 

“We’ll talk later.” Tony turns, leaving just as quickly as he came - Pepper looking concerned, like she almost wanted to follow after him. Michelle watches as she composes herself, turning back to Michelle. 

_ SI might have a better reputation, but it has nothing to do with him.  _

“I had wanted to ask, have you decided if you’re coming to the holiday party?” Pepper asks, Michelle blinking in surprise.

“Oh, I hadn’t realized, I mean--”

“Surely I’ve mentioned it? And Peter of course should have by now.” 

“He has, we just… uh.” 

Michelle would blush if she could, feeling inexplicably nervous. Although the decathlon meet had been almost a month ago, Michelle felt as if she with Peter more now than she had ever been as co-captains. 

The week after getting back from Baltimore had been awkward, Michelle avoiding Peter and Peter - for his part - slightly avoiding Michelle.

She had wondered if maybe it was just the alcohol, if it was the cold night or if maybe it was just the rush of adrenaline from being out in a city they didn’t know. 

But then she’d remember that first kiss, making out in a taxi on the way back - the way Peter’s eyes lingered on her as they separated and went to their rooms. 

If Peter hadn’t made the first move in that diner, Michelle would’ve. 

But Peter did - and it was as if they fell right into step with each other. 

Lunch together with Ned, holding hands down the hall in between class. It was almost annoying, sweet in a way that Michelle six months ago would’ve rolled her eyes at. 

But Michelle couldn’t really bring herself to care.

She liked Peter, so much more than she originally planned. And even if they’d only been dating for a little over a month, to Michelle it felt like it had been longer - long enough that she could almost admit to herself that she loved him. 

* * *

“You guys are cute you know that?” Michelle rolled her eyes, seeing as Betty just sidled up to the two of them smirking. Peter’s leaning against her locker, looking at Michelle like she somehow brought oxygen he’d been missing into the hallway, like she had somehow hung the sun and the moon and the stars. 

It was cheesy romantic bullshit and yet Peter made her feel of that and more. 

“Yeah, we know Brant. Can you move?” She glares at Betty, Betty laughing as she moves out of Michelle’s way, letting her close the locker door. She goes to turn towards Peter when she hears Betty’s voice ring out again.

“Hey what did Ned do with his winnings anyway?” 

Michelle shoots Betty the finger, Peter laughing as he kisses her - taking her hand into his. 

They make their way down the hallway, Ned waving at them from up ahead. 

“What  _ did _ Ned do with the money, did he ever tell you?” Michelle asks, her curiosity getting the better of her.

Peter shrugs, knowing now the effect they had on Michelle as he grins. “Nah, he’s keeping it some big secret. Saying he’s got it for something special or something, I don’t know.” 

“It’s unethical is what it is. It’s  _ our _ relationship he bet on, I think we should be the ones who get to reap the benefits.”

“Is dating me not enough?” Peter laughs as he says it, Michelle leaning in to kiss him. 

“Dating you is the cake, Peter. Using that bet money is like icing, not necessary but still damn good to have.” 

Peter kisses her back, Michelle laughing as they walk up to Ned, hearing him sigh.

“You guys promised you’d keep the PDA to a minimum at school.” 

“And you promised you and Peter would stop arguing about that Sith Lord or whatever the hell you guys were talking about yesterday, but that didn’t happen so I guess you can deal with it.” 

Peter squeezes her hand before saying, “You know I resent that she still doesn’t like Star Wars but she’s got a point, Ned. We  _ do _ tend to monopolize the conversation when we’re all three together.”

Ned makes a face, before rolling his eyes. “I  _ guess _ . Anyway, we meeting at your place today?” 

Michelle nods. “Yeah, my mom’s excited. Got a snack platter and everything.”

“Oooh a snack platter? What’s in it?” 

“Maybe it’ll be those jelly things she had last time.” Peter offers. 

As Ned and Peter start to chatter, Michelle walking in sync with Peter, she squeezes his hand in return seeing as Peter glances back to her and smiles. 

* * *

It was a scene out of a cheesy romance movie, Michelle feeling like her life had suddenly transformed into - something completely different than she had ever expected yet inexplicably perfect. 

But Pepper’s question embarrasses her, in a way that she’s not entirely comfortable revealing why in front of her boss. 

Michelle knows now how close Peter is to Pepper by way of Tony, knows enough of his bug side-gig now to have even more respect for her boyfriend than she already did. 

Yet her and Peter hadn’t really talked about SI, the internship or the upcoming holiday party - because even if they still talked about everything and nothing, even if Michelle still felt completely comfortable in talking with Peter in a way that she hadn’t ever felt comfortable before with someone - when they were alone, her and Peter didn’t really spend much of their time together talking at all. 

She felt like a silly, hormonal teenager - just like all the friends she used to make fun of not even a few months ago. Chemistry and biology had never been her favorite subjects, but Michelle suddenly understood the appeal of both. 

It didn’t help that Peter had abs that took Michelle’s breath away, a jawline so sharp that she felt like she could - and nearly had - spent hours studying and exploring. His hands were rough in a way that made Michelle shiver, especially since his touch was so gentle. The way his eyes would look at every part of her, as if she was something to be marveled at, something so unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. 

Michelle wasn’t an overly sentimental or romantic person. She’d been on the pill for a year, her parents having stressed the importance of understanding herself, her body and the importance of consent so much that she felt fully capable of making decisions about what she wanted and when. 

Having sex hadn’t ever been a big deal to Michelle because it hadn’t ever really mattered to her, her former relationships being really nothing more than flings. 

Yet being with Peter made Michelle’s stomach twist into knots, made her feel as if she was experiencing something special. It made her feel - as cheesy as it was - that maybe for the first time in her life, she wasn’t just having sex - but making love. 

The way his hands would caress every inch of her, the way his eyes would search hers, as if he was committing each moment - every feeling, every emotion, every second with her - to memory. 

It made Michelle feel loved, feel wanted -  _ desired _ in a way she never could’ve imagined. 

She loved it. Every second. But Michelle wondered if really, truly - she just loved  _ him _ .

And that terrified her. 

She was seventeen - had a whole life to live, people to meet and a world to see. She couldn’t afford a life-changing love in high-school, the kind of story found in epics, and history, and fiction. It was unrealistic, a fantasy - one Michelle had never let herself believe in. 

After that night in Baltimore, Michelle knew it would be a matter of time before they started dating, even less than that before they started sleeping together. 

A part of Michelle recognizes that it could just be the hormones, the rush and endorphins of being young and messing around with someone new that tricked her into thinking that she was in love with Peter. 

And yet it was as if Michelle just couldn’t escape the idea that her and Peter had something  _ real _ together, that they were meant for each other. That it wasn’t just sex, wasn’t just making out in random corners of the hallways - that Harrington forcing them together almost felt like fate, something inevitable. 

As much as the idea of that both terrified and excited her, there was something else that bothered her - a thorn in her side that nagged at her. 

Peter was hiding something, something he still wasn’t telling her. She pushed him on it as much as she could and asked him probing questions - about Spider-Man, his aunt, even his internship but nothing seemed to click. 

Peter was a terrible liar, she knew this by now - but Michelle couldn’t shake the idea that he was holding something back from her - something awful, something real. 

He was so tired, all the time. Michelle would have to nudge him awake in class, study dates with Ned - Ned’s eyes always widening. 

She knew he went to the Tower every couple of days, May joining him more and more. 

At first, Michelle chalked it up to his internship, or even something Spider-Man related but then Peter rarely went out as Spider-May anymore anyway.

She wondered why - it seemed Peter used to always duck out for things because of his bug gig before. 

But then she’d see May’s concerned look, take note of how often she would go with him to the Tower - to meet Stark.

And it hit her. 

Something had to be wrong with May, the look the two of them would share - the concern in her eyes and the panic in Peter’s anytime she’d mention the Tower. 

Michelle couldn’t make sense of it, the only thing coming to her was that something had to be seriously wrong with May - something that caused Peter to lose sleep over, something that weighed on him so heavily that he wouldn’t even talk to Michelle about it, was so worried that he didn’t even go out on patrol. 

She knew Peter’s powers, knew enough to know that he never got sick, healed fast - was nearly invincible. 

Something had to be wrong with May, though what - Michelle couldn’t figure it out. 

A part of Michelle was bothered at the idea that Peter wouldn’t trust her with something like this, but then she knew better than anyone how long it took to finally let down your walls with someone.

She’d catch him looking at her sometimes - across from each other at the diner, quiet moments when they were studying in his room, a look on his face that made Michelle want to understand just what was going on behind his eyes. 

It was something Michelle knew she’d keep pressing on, though she knew Peter well enough by now to know that when Peter was ready to talk to her - he would. 

Even as close as they were, they hadn’t been dating long - and Michelle had the feeling that she’d have plenty of time to figure it out. 

A second but no less pressing issue was just that - the future, and how her relationship with Peter fit into that. 

Michelle had a lot of plans, goals and a whole future she was yearning for. She thought so much about what life would be like after school, talking to Peter for hours about it as he would play with her hair. She’d watch him as she talked, Peter seemingly zoning in and out of the conversation but Michelle never once feeling like he didn’t care. 

He just seemed to be content to just be with her, hold her, listen to her talk - in a way that made Michelle feel safe. 

She’d ask him what he wanted to do, ask him about his dreams - but Peter, ever the romantic, would always bring her back to the present. Michelle would get more annoyed at his redirection, if she didn’t enjoy the distraction. 

If she didn’t enjoy spending time with him. 

Even as still Pepper looked at her, smiling and waiting for an answer to the most basic of questions, Michelle was struck by how much she really couldn’t imagine any future without him. 

She liked Peter, maybe even loved him. 

And even if Michelle wasn’t sure how Peter fit into her future plans, she was sure she wanted him to. 

* * *

“Radiation levels have increased to 70%, boss.” 

Peter says nothing as Tony takes the probe out, stays silent as Tony takes an alcohol swab and cleans where it had been. 

_ Seventy percent. _

The rate had been increasing - slowly but steadily - the past few months, but there was something ominous about seventy percent, something real. 

Seventy percent was only thirty percent away from a hundred. Only thirty percent from dead.

Though Peter wondered if he’d be dead long before his body hit that threshold. 

He winces at the thought, Tony immediately tensing. 

“What? What’s wrong? You feeling anything?”

“No, no, I’m fine. Just…” He meets Tony’s eyes then glances away. 

“Seventy percent sucks.” 

Tony lets out a sharp laugh, a firm grip on Peter’s shoulder as he glances back up.

“Yeah. Understatement of the fucking century, kid.” 

Peter half-smiles, feeling worn out. The days passed slowly for Peter, dragging on even as it still felt like time was slipping further and further away from his grasp.

Whatever hangups Tony had in the months leading up to this moment were gone, or at least, he’d gotten better at hiding it from Peter. They’d settled into another routine, one that Peter had come to rely on. 

Go to school. Hang out with Ned. Come to the lab once a week for a check-up, get new meds every few days. He felt like an old man, with as many pills he seemed to take. But Peter didn’t complain, couldn’t bring himself to.

Because it was all made worth it for the time he got to spend with Michelle.

Every waking moment, every second he could - he was with Michelle. Holding her hand in the hallway, whispering to her in class, laughing with her on dates throughout the city - long afternoons they spent alone. 

He loved Michelle. He knew it, beyond any doubt. 

But he still hadn’t told her the truth, and Peter could tell Michelle knew something was wrong. She’d ask him just enough questions then back off, studied him in a way that used to make him blush but now just worried him. 

May had told him that it wasn’t right, Ned had said the same. They supported him, trusted him, loved him - but neither of them were comfortable with Peter withholding the truth from her. 

He had to tell her. Peter just couldn’t figure out when. 

It’d been over a month of them officially dating, a month of missed opportunities and mistakes. 

For all of his earlier pressure and concern, Tony was the one who had been frustratingly silent about the whole thing, as if he was afraid of pushing Peter further away. 

Peter had the feeling that Tony didn’t like Michelle, at the very least resented how much time he spent with her. But Tony never brought it up so Peter didn’t either. 

“Am I good to go?” Tony just nods, helping Peter down from the lab. Peter thinks it’s annoying, how much he needed help - he was a fucking superhero. 

At least he had been, Peter can’t really remember the last time he spent any length of time as Spider-Man in the past month. It wasn’t Michelle’s fault, though she’d asked as much a few weeks ago - something Peter wished he had had a better answer for. 

* * *

“Why don’t you go out as Spider-Man anymore?” Peter’s head snaps up, tapping his fingers against his desk. 

She was on his bed, sprawled in a way that made Peter’s heartbeat fast. They had a physics test tomorrow, Peter knowing that even if his grades didn’t matter that Michelle’s did. It was almost pointless, the time he spent in school. He still liked going, not just to be with Michelle and Ned - but for the normalcy of it. 

Peter knew there’d be a time when he’d be too sick to get out of bed, much less go to school. As much spending his last few months going to high school was unappealing, the prospect of not being able to go at all - and what would finally mean - was even less so. 

Yet the way Michelle glanced at him, the way her body was positioned - Peter wondered if he  _ really  _ cared all that much about school after all - arguing with himself. 

_ Michelle is already going to be valedictorian, it’s not like she needs to pass this test.  _

_ Stop that. Focus.  _

“I go out,” Peter says carefully, wracking his brain to actually determine when that had been. “I’m just busy.”

“Oh I  _ know _ that.” Michelle smirks, making Peter inadvertently blush. She continues anyway.

“I’m just saying, I don’t want to be the reason you’re not like, fulfilling your duty or whatever.”

Peter laughs, leaning back in his chair.

“It’s not a duty, MJ. It’s just the right thing to do.” Peter’s smile falls, pursing his lips.

“But like I said, senior year’s just been busy. The city understands.”

Michelle rolls her eyes. “The city might but Flash certainly doesn’t.” She puts her book down, propping her head up with her arm. The familiar stirring in Peter’s gut begins, Peter trying hard to keep his eyes on Michelle’s face.

_ She has to study. I can afford to fail but she can’t. We can’t keep doing this. She needs to focus.  _

“You ever think about telling the truth?”

Peter’s breath catches, swallowing.

“The truth?”

“You know, about you.” Michelle gestured to him, Peter thankful she couldn’t hear how his heartbeat thundered in his ears.

_ Shit. She knows. She knows.  _

“MJ—“

“I mean you don’t have to, it’s fine.” Michelle quirks her lips to the side, Peter watching - frozen. 

“I’m just saying, if I were Spider-Man, I don’t think I’d ever fucking shut up about it.”

Peter stops, then laughs - almost too loudly at the relief. 

She was talking about the other secret. Not the real one. The only secret that mattered. 

“You and Ned both. I’m fine with keeping it low key.”

Michelle just shrugs, a smile on her face - Peter still amazed at how much her smile lit up any room she was in. 

“Your loss. Anyway, you should go out more. You look hot in the suit.”

There’s a pause in the air, Michelle’s tone heavy with intent. 

_ Focus. Focus. Focus. _

Peter stops, smirking.

“Are you trying to seduce me?”

Michelle laughs, the action of it making Peter feel light. 

“Why?” She whispers, voice low in a way that makes Peter’s insides churn. 

“Are you seducible?” 

He looks into her eyes, sees the want in them. 

_ Fuck the test.  _

Peter moves forward from his desk, closing the distance between them, kissing her desperately - like he’ll never get enough. 

Being with Michelle, loving her, showing her that he did in any way possible - it was almost like second nature to Peter now. He’d never had much experience before, but Peter was a quick learner - knowing that even if Michelle was his first - she’d also be his last. And Peter had no intention of wasting any second he had. 

After, out of breath, looking into Michelle’s eyes - brushing her hair out of her face as she looked into his, Peter thinks that it really didn’t matter how much time he had left. 

Didn’t matter if he hadn’t told her the truth.

If he had more moments like this, Peter could almost make himself believe it wouldn’t matter at all. 

* * *

Peter didn’t regret a single moment with Michelle. But now, as the weeks turned into months - Peter aware of how little he had left of them, he thinks of all the things he hadn’t told her. 

He didn’t tell her that his blackouts were getting more and more frequent, that the dizziness he used to feel in spurts now seemingly never went away.

He didn’t tell her that he’d taken to coughing up blood so often that he felt like an abstract painter, rushing off to the bathroom in school or at home so he could get rid of the evidence as soon as he felt the familiar itch in the back of his throat. 

He didn’t tell her about the chills and fevers he’d get at night, the way his body felt entirely too hot and too cold, to the point where he almost wondered if he’d even wake up the next day.

Peter spent as much time as he could with Michelle, and yet did everything in his power to hide this from her. 

He knows he’s doing a terrible job of it, Michelle was far too perceptive to keep believing him as he danced around her questions. 

It was wrong, beyond the point of reasoning with himself. But now Peter was in it - he was dating her,  _ he loved her _ \- and he wasn’t sure how to tell her the truth now. 

What was worse, Peter was sure that Michelle - even if they hadn’t said it - loved him right back. 

It hits him then, the joke from that first day. A promise that had been made to be broken. 

_ You have to promise not to fall in love with me. _

Peter winces again, this time from a pain shooting up and down his side. 

“Pete?”

“Yeah?”

“You want to take a breather? Sit for a minute, before May comes in?”

Peter doesn’t fight it, the barest of nods as he lets Tony lead him to a more comfortable chair, noting that there were more of these in the lab now. 

Peter was used to the lab being clean, sleek and sterile - in the way all labs were. Yet in the past month or so, Peter had noticed how the lab had seemingly become cozier, softer. 

Peter would think it was Pepper’s influence, but as the pain shoots up and down his leg now, he knows it’s really Tony’s way of trying to make him more comfortable. Trying to make him feel more at ease. 

He’d told Tony about that first episode, the symptoms getting worse and worse. Tony hadn’t said anything, a fear in his eyes that still haunted Peter. 

Peter knows that Tony still hadn’t given up hope, still tried and searched in vain for something to save him.

Yet it had been months since he’d used that gauntlet, months since Peter had asked Tony stop. 

And Tony had still found nothing -- confirming for Peter that he never would. 

It didn’t lessen the pain of it, the reality still pressing on him almost every day, but Peter hoped that Tony finally understood. 

Peter didn’t want to die. But he knew he couldn’t fight the inevitable. 

Peter sits, closing his eyes as he leans into the chair, Tony helping him. Peter feels small, helpless in a way he hadn’t felt in years - yet he can’t bring himself to fight it. 

Peter felt tired. He just wanted to rest. 

He feels a prick in his arm, an eye opening as he sees Tony looking over him, focused on the needle in his hand. 

“Ow?”

“Does this really hurt or are you being difficult?”

Peter smirks, closing his eyes as he feels the familiar cool of the pain medication flowing through him. 

“Difficult’s my middle name, Mr. Stark.” Tony says nothing, letting the medicine work. Peter starts to feel the pain fade away, coming back to himself with a clearer mind. Whatever the hell Tony had concocted in the lab was a quick fix, though only for a few hours at a time. It changed, fluctuated almost daily to the point where Peter wondered how much longer it would actually work.

How much longer he’d be able to pretend that nothing was wrong when he was with Michelle. 

There weren’t any medical journals or studies on how radiation - from a spider-bite, not the typical kind - could kill you, how it would burn away at your insides, reactivate your nerves in sporadic ways and cause you to bleed, internally and out. 

If it wasn’t himself and if he wasn’t the one dying, Peter knows he’d be fascinated with the entire thing. 

Peter’s breathing starts to even out, blinking his eyes a few times as the pain went away completely.

“Better?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” 

Tony nods, then sits next to Peter on the chair beside him. 

Peter can tell Tony wants to talk to him, though about what Peter could only guess at. There were a lot of things they  _ didn’t _ talk about now, a lot of topics Peter avoided and Tony didn’t press him on. 

They didn’t talk about Tony’s search for a cure he’d never find.

They didn’t talk about how much time Peter spent with Michelle. How much Tony seemed to resent it. 

They didn’t talk about how severe his symptoms had become, how physically and emotionally exhausted Peter was.

They didn’t talk about the grief already building behind Tony’s eyes, Peter wishing he could take it all away. 

Despite this, Peter was glad Tony had come around - had decided to just  _ be _ with him. It may not be like it had been before, and it never would - but Peter was still grateful for his presence. 

“I’ve been thinking, Pete.”

“You sure that’s a good idea, Mr. Stark?” 

Tony ignores him. “I’m thinking… that it’s time you and May moved to the Tower.”

“Mr. Stark…”

“Hear me out, Pete.” Tony sits up in the chair, Peter watching as Tony leaned forward.

“The radiation in your body is increasing, faster than we had originally anticipated. Your symptoms keep getting worse. You’re having difficulty concentrating in school. You haven’t been out as Spider-Man in weeks.” Tony presses his lips together, eyes firm with a glint of pain. 

“I think it’s time we start… preparing.”

“For Christmas? I agree, though I don’t think moving in will help. Pretty sure Morgan—“

“Can you be serious for one fucking second?”

Tony’s rebuke startles Peter, and seemingly Tony himself. Peter sighs, Tony closing his eyes. 

“I’m not trying to joke about everything.”

Tony stayed silent.

“It’s just hard to think about. I know that there will be a time when I need, I’ll have to…” Peter’s mouth goes dry at the thought, twisting his lips.

He’d looked up what hospice care was and what it entailed, knew the details from the minute Peter had decided he was done looking for a cure. He’d done his research, he knew what he was doing - what he was asking - when he talked to May about it in the first place. 

But Peter hoped, maybe in the same naive and hopeful away that Tony did, that it would still be okay. 

Thirty percent away from dead was still thirty percent.

If he moved to the tower now, there would be no coming back - Peter knew he wouldn’t be leaving when he did. And as much as he was exhausted, as much as he knew what was to come, as much as he was ready to just  _ rest  _ \- he wasn’t sure if he was quite ready to fully live it out. 

Not when he still had stuff he wanted to do, things he had to say —

Time he still wanted to spend with Michelle.

He hadn’t told her. 

He should’ve told her.

But moving to the tower meant Peter would finally be forced to. 

“It’s not time yet.”

“It’s not something I want to talk about either, kid but we’re getting closer to it.” Peter hears how broken Tony’s voice is, how much the man seemed to be struggling with the words he’s saying.

“And it’s getting close enough that you should really talk to that girlfriend of yours. It’s been too long, Pete. You should tell her the truth.” 

“I will, Mr. Stark. I just need—“

“ _ When,  _ kid? You can’t keep dragging her along like this.”

Peter’s eyes harden. “I’m not dragging her along anything.” 

“Does she know? The whole truth? Everything?” Tony stares back at him, fury and pain behind his eyes.

Peter says nothing, the guilt crashing over him in endless waves, knowing Tony is right. It was almost,  _ almost _ worse than the pain from the radiation, the gnawing in his stomach of knowing he’d made the wrong move. 

Michelle had given him so many opportunities, time and time again to tell the truth. And he hadn’t, like a coward. He should’ve told Michelle in Baltimore, should’ve told her weeks and weeks before then - when they first started working together, when Ned had first mentioned it to him. 

Maybe then they wouldn’t have gotten as close, though the idea of that pains Peter. Maybe then he would’ve saved her from himself, wouldn’t have been so selfish about the time he wanted to spend with her - to keep himself in a bubble and pretend - even if he never could escape the truth - that he had all the time in the world with Michelle. 

But it was too late for Peter to go back and change it now. 

“You can’t do this, kid. It’s not right, you know it’s not right. If you want, we can sit down together,  talk to her—“

Peter sighs, cutting him off.

“Mr. Stark, look at me. I can do this. I just haven’t yet. I’m not a child.”

“Then stop acting childish!” Tony snaps, Peter fuming. 

“I love her, Mr. Stark.” It’s the first time he’s said it out loud, but it feels as if he’s been saying it to her weeks already. 

Every stolen moment in the hallway, every kiss on the street, every whisper and smile as he’d hold her close. 

_ I love you. I love you. I love you.  _

Tony’s eyes soften, Peter watching as the man’s shoulders hunch over, his eyes closing.

His next few words are barely above a whisper, but Peter hears them as if Tony was shouting at him - the truth of it heavy and painful. 

“Then be fair to her, Pete. Before things get worse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOO BOY HERE WE GO. We're in the final stretch.
> 
> Thanks for the love my dudes, sorry the last chapter was so mean. Can't say it'll get any better????
> 
> Told myself I'd only post once a week from now on, try and space out all the angst. 
> 
> Jury's still out on if that'll actually happen.


	11. Eleven.

Tony paced in the lab back and forth, Bruce sighing. 

“Tony.”

“I don’t know how else to get through to him.”

“Tony.” Bruce’s tone is quiet but firm. Tony stops, looking to him. 

“You gotta stop doing this to yourself.” Tony closes his eyes, sighing. 

“The kid says he doesn’t want to move to the Tower but the radiation just keeps increasing. He was at 81% last week Bruce, it’s…” Tony pauses. 

“He’s running out of time.” Tony walks up to Bruce, sitting on the chair across from him.

Bruce seems to think for a moment, before asking, “Do you think he’s in denial?”

Tony snorts. “Of course he’s in fucking denial. The kid made the decision to end curative treatment and yet hasn’t even told his girlfriend he’s--” The next word catches in his throat, Tony swallowing. 

“That he’s terminal.” 

A look of sympathy flows across Bruce’s face. 

“I know it’s hard, Tony.”

Tony puts a hand to his face, rubbing his chin. He catches Bruce’s eyes before looking away.

“Hard doesn’t begin to cover it.”

Bruce is quiet, letting Tony think. He appreciated that about him, even if Tony had done an abysmal job lately of being a good friend to him. He couldn’t, Tony couldn’t wrap his mind around anything but trying to save Peter. 

He knew what Peter wanted, knew the exasperated and concerned sighs from Rhodey and Pepper but Tony couldn’t give up - he couldn’t.

Even if the kid had been right.

Tony had fought against aliens and titans, had a space raccoon and a woman who was pure cosmic energy on his speed dial - and yet he had never felt more fucking helpless in his life. 

Tony hadn’t found anything that could help Peter - not for long anyway. He’d done what the kid had asked in that alleyway, what Rhodey had encouraged him to do. 

Tony tried to just  _ be _ with Peter, even if he couldn’t completely let him go. 

When he wasn’t searching for a cure, Tony threw the rest of his efforts in trying to ease Peter’s pain. 

The holidays came and went without much fuss, aside from all the ways Tony noticed how worn down Peter had become.

He put up a good fight, the kid always did, but it was agonizing for Tony to watch, feeling helpless in a way he was entirely unused to. 

They’d had Christmas in the Tower, Morgan’s first with Peter. Watching them interact with each other, the way his daughter’s eyes lit up as Peter told a story, pained him. 

He loved Peter like his own child, a recognition that had only magnified when Morgan was born. 

Losing Peter had felt like losing a part of himself, like a part of Tony’s heart would never truly be made whole. In an instant, Peter was back - the hug on the battlefield borne out of need, a burning desire to show the kid how much he meant to him. 

And then what seemed like minutes later, Peter was writhing in pain, screaming out before snapping his fingers and turning a monster and his armies into dust. 

Tony had been plagued with nightmares for years, something he knew would never go away - yet the memory of Peter crying out in pain, the days that stretched into weeks in the medbay, watching in panic as Peter flatlined over and over again, was more horrifying than any nightmare that his mind could create. 

Yet the nightmare to come - the realization washing over him as he had watched Morgan and Peter interact - only caused Tony further horror, a grief that weighed on him so heavily it was if he couldn’t breathe. 

It had been their first Christmas together - all together, almost like a family - and yet all Tony could think of was that it would also be their last. 

Peter was dying, the kid was  _ dying _ \- and Tony couldn’t face the fact that there was nothing he could do to stop it. 

Pepper had taken to watching over him, her and Rhodey trying to prepare him for the impossible. 

The fact that Bruce had joined him today, without prompting or call - meant that Pepper prodding and concern had only spilled over. 

“What can you do to make this easier for him?” Bruce’s voice is still soft, quiet in a way that Tony’s still not ready to accept.

It’s the voice of an almost counselor, Tony’s mouth twitching at the memory of the last time he had poured out his feelings to Bruce. He had fallen asleep then, claiming he wasn’t that kind of doctor. 

But the look on Bruce’s face now indicated to Tony that he was there - present, listening - and trying his best to be there for his friend. 

“I… I don’t know, Bruce.” Tony puts his head in his hands, the grief overwhelming him. 

Tony hadn’t been as stubborn as Pepper may have believed, looking up in his most broken moments what a parent should do to comfort a dying child - how to even try to cope with the unimaginable. 

But then the horror of what he was doing would become too much, Tony hurriedly closing out the browser and deleting his search history. 

It’s something he couldn’t face, something he couldn’t reconcile. 

Yet it seemed every time he saw the kid, every time Peter would come in for a new medication - the dosages getting stronger yet horrifyingly less effective, May coming in with him more and more, holding him steady as Tony would try and find something to bring the kid relief - would remind him of the unfathomable loss in front of him. 

He was there for Peter, tried his best to be  _ present _ \- as Rhodey had suggested. 

But as the days and weeks passed on, Tony could only think of the moment that would come where Tony would be present - but Peter wouldn’t be. 

“Why don’t you set up a time to hang out with him, no meds or check-ups. Just something the two of you.” 

Tony brings his head out of his hands, sighing. “I don’t think he’d be up for working in the lab. Kid doesn’t even go out as Spider-Man anymore.” Tony’s eyes dance around the table before going back to Bruce, a solemn look on his face. 

The quiet that falls between them is filled with memories for Tony, the sheer joy the kid got out of helping people. 

* * *

“Hey Mr. Stark, what’s up?”

“You got a minute, kid? I’m thinking of doing another full-scale work up on your— wait what’s that sound?” Tony’s eyebrows furrow, heading a mix of music and laughter on the other end. 

“Block party, Mr. Stark. Mr. Medina made  _ pan dulce _ and Mrs. Yen got some—“

“Hold up, hold up, block party? Aren’t you supposed to be, I don’t know, fighting crime? Patrolling the neighborhood? Using that million dollar suit for good and not photo ops?”

Tony hears the kid laugh through the phone, the music seemingly getting louder.

“This  _ is _ doing good, Mr. Stark. I’m a friendly  _ neighborhood _ Spider-Man remember, got to remind people that I’m here for them, no matter what.”

Tony laughed, smiling as he shook his head. Tony knew he should be thankful that Peter wasn’t putting himself in harm’s way, was taking it easy for once - enjoying the bright side of being a superhero.

When Tony looked to the future and what it could be, he always considered Peter to be at the forefront. Even if the Avengers were whatever the hell they were now, the future uncertain - Tony knew that whatever was to come - Peter would be there, leading the charge.

Peter brought hope - light to the darkness. Tony couldn’t begrudge him of that, even for something as simple as a block party. 

“Alright kid, well stay away from the hard liquor. I’ll have Happy come pick you up this weekend, we can hash out the suit details then. Sound good?”

Tony doesn’t hear a response, just the sound of the kid’s laughter on the other end. 

“We’ll talk later, Pete.” Tony smiles, hanging up the phone. Peter would call him back when he had the chance.

He always did. 

* * *

Tony knew Peter missed it, even as he reluctantly admitted - to himself, more than Tony - that going out on patrol would only end in disaster. 

The city was curious. People asked questions. 

A part of Tony wondered how Peter wanted to approach the issue - but bringing that up would mean that he would have to fully embrace Peter’s seemingly inevitable end. 

Bruce’s voice brings him out of his thoughts. 

“Not saying you have to do something in the lab, just something the two of you. Anything. Doesn’t have to be important.” Tony closes his eyes, anticipating the words Bruce says next.

“You’ll want those memories, Tony. Remind yourself of the good ones, after.” Tony winces, knowing Bruce is right - even as everything within him fights against it, Tony feeling torn between two worlds. 

Peter was getting worse - FRIDAY’s calculation becoming more dire, a question he’d instantly regretted asking her but then couldn’t bear not to know. 

81% - the pain of it must be agonizing to Peter, even if the kid seemed to put on a brave face. 

Peter had a few weeks, maybe a month at best. And even as much as it gnawed at Tony, was agonizing and gut-wrenching and horrifying to think of - Tony knew he would regret it for the rest of his life if he didn’t make that effort. 

* * *

“Have you heard from anywhere? You never told me if you applied early decision.” Peter hummed in response, eyes closed, as Michelle looked up at him, his arms around her. 

They were on his couch, a movie playing that neither of them were really paying attention to. 

“Peter.” 

Peter’s eyes blinked open, Michelle watching as he seemed to slowly focus on his surroundings. 

May was going with him to visit Stark constantly, Peter having to cancel dates more often than not. Michelle was convinced something was wrong now, knew that whatever was happening with May had to be serious for Peter to be so torn up about it, seemingly not even being able to sleep at night. 

He was exhausted, the dark circles under his eyes seemingly permanently fixed on his face. Whatever it was, whatever worries that Peter was facing - it was weighing on him. 

Yet all Peter seemed to focus on was Michelle. 

Michelle would notice as he’d watch her sometimes when she’d stay for dinner, watching as he came over to her place, met her parents. 

They liked him, surprised that Michelle had seemingly grown so attached to someone even with all her proclamations of being free and open and ready to leave. 

She was - still jittery with anticipation of the whole world out there, waiting for her. 

But Michelle was intensely curious about seeing that world with Peter. 

She loved him. And she knew without a doubt that Peter loved her back. 

He told her, constantly it seemed. And Michelle, despite everything, despite everything she had ever told herself about life and love - said it back. 

Michelle knew the statistics about high school relationships making the jump to college, knew it was the most unrealistic, foolish, romantic thing a teenage girl could believe about a high school boyfriend. The idea that no matter what happened after graduation, wherever they ended up - they would still be together. 

But she couldn’t escape the idea of fate, the promise of a life together with him just within her grasp. 

Peter had been frustratingly vague about his college plans, Michelle prodding him incessantly - only for Peter to try and distract her with a joke, a kiss, a smile. 

It worked, until it didn’t - Michelle finally giving up asking if only for the tortured look on Peter’s face. 

_ Maybe he’s too distracted with whatever’s going on with May. Maybe that’s why he’s not sleeping at night. _

Michelle knew Peter had nightmares, knew it from the times they’d fallen asleep before May came home - Peter talking in his sleep, twisting almost in pain. 

She knew he’d encountered a lot in his time as Spider-Man, the pain and darkness of his past still something that ached within her. 

Michelle even wondered if that played into his college plans, though how it did she couldn’t quite figure out - considering how little time he spent out on patrol. 

Michelle had already been accepted early decision to Harvard, a gamble that she’d taken and won. Her parents were thrilled, both Peter and May excited for her. But Michelle still didn’t know where Peter was going - and even if he was concerned about May, he was too smart to have not considered the future. 

It was the middle of January, he should’ve applied somewhere by now. 

“Come on, Pete tell me.” She snuggled into him closer, earning her a tired smile. 

“Where did you apply?”

There’s a faraway look in Peter’s eyes, his mouth twisting as he seems to wrestle with himself. Michelle’s eyebrows furrow, the look on his face causing her to lean away from him. 

“Wait… you  _ did _ apply right?” 

Peter holds her gaze, something passing behind his eyes before he sighs, holding his arm closer to her. 

“No.”

“What do you mean,  _ no _ ? The fuck, Peter. Tony Stark can only pull so many strings.”

Peter smirks, laughing softly before saying, “No, I’m… I’m not going to college.” 

Michelle sits up completely now, Peter groaning at the sudden shift. “I was comfortable.” 

“You’re not going to college? Why?” Michelle’s dumbstruck, confused in a million different ways. 

She knew he was worried about whatever the hell was going on with May, whatever brought them to Stark’s tower so often - but this completely caught her off-guard. 

Peter was  _ smart _ , even though she had jokingly referring to him as a slacker when they first started hanging out. Their study dates - when they actually ended up studying - proved that to her, Peter catching on to concepts and formulas and issues quicker than she had ever seen before. 

Even if his internship with Stark had been a cover-up, Michelle knew that even if it wasn’t - even if she still didn’t like Tony Stark all that much - that Peter would’ve been eligible for an internship there long before she would’ve. 

It didn’t make sense for Peter not to go to college, especially when he didn’t spend any of his time out as Spider-Man. 

“I mean…” Peter seems to think about his words, Michelle watching as he blinks slowly. “I’m, I’m not sure where I want to go.”

Michelle narrows her eyes. 

“You’re lying.” 

Peter freezes, looking into her face. 

“I’m--”

“Don’t bullshit me, Peter. I can tell when you’re lying to me and you’re doing it now.” Peter grimaces, sitting up slowly as he sighs again, taking Michelle’s hand. 

“You’re right. I’m…” He takes a deep breath, exhaling as his eyes dance around the couch, seemingly searching for the words to say. 

“I have to, I have to tell you something.” 

Michelle pauses, waiting. This was it. The moment of truth. She could feel it. 

Maybe Peter would finally tell her what had been bothering him for so long - something that Michelle had bugged him about and had tried in vain to figure out on her own. 

But before Peter can speak, they hear the door unlock - May walking in. Peter’s head whips around to her, a smile and a look of something almost like relief on his face. Michelle watches as May smiles, tired and holding that same relief when her eyes find Peter. 

“Hey, Pete, MJ. You want to help me with the groceries?” Peter nods, Michelle gripping his hand. He turns to look at her.

“We’ll talk later.” He says, a sad look in his eye. 

As Peter turns back to May, slowly getting up off the couch. 

Michelle watches intently as they immediately hug - struck by the tenderness of the moment, as if they’d almost expected for the other to disappear. 

It was the type of embrace that she’d seen from people who had stayed behind from the Blip, the look her dad had anytime her, her sister or her mom came home - as if every time he saw them, the sheer relief that they hadn’t disappeared again was enough to bowl him over. 

It didn’t make sense in one aspect, Michelle knew May had been Blipped right along with Peter. But if something was seriously wrong with May, Michelle could try and rationalize it.

There’s a nagging thought in the back of her mind, a quiet thought. 

_ Maybe there’s something else wrong. _

_ What if it isn’t May?  _

But Michelle dismisses it. 

Peter would talk to Michelle later, they had plans - a walk to their favorite ice cream shop. It was cold and ridiculous and silly, but it was the kind of date that made Michelle smile, the idea of it already something she knew she’d cherish as a memory forever. 

As she got up off the couch, heading towards the table May had placed the groceries on, Michelle let herself daydream about future dates - future plans, dreams with Peter. 

Peter may not be going to college, for reasons beyond Michelle - but that was fine. 

They had all the time in the world to figure it out. 

* * *

Peter is silent as they slowly walked down the street, Michelle’s hand freezing even through her gloves. It was impractical, holding hands in these temperatures - especially when they’d just scarfed down nearly every flavor of ice cream imaginable in the shop. 

Michelle had a feeling the talk was coming, the reason behind why Peter had been cagey for the past few months, finally coming to light. But for all her persistence, she couldn’t bring herself to bring it up.

This felt like something Peter had to say for himself, and by now - Michelle knew he just needed the space to do so. 

But the silence - comfortable, steady - still did nothing to warm Michelle’s hands. She squeezed his hand, smiling as she nudged him with her arm. 

“Your hands are supposed to keep me warm, what the hell do I have a boyfriend for?”

Peter smiled. “Spiders don’t thermoregulate and neither do I, apparently.” He gestured with his other arm, Michelle laughing as he moved his parka sleeve up and down. 

“This is why May has me wear like thirty sweaters anytime I go out. It’s ridiculous.”

It gets quiet again, Michelle’s mind whirring. Peter was clearly trying to build confidence for whatever it is he wanted to tell her, but that didn’t mean Michelle couldn’t try and help him along. 

“May’s great, she really cares about you.” 

“Yeah,” Peter smiles, his eyes looking tremendously sad, “She really does.” Peter bites his lips, Michelle’s heart clenching. 

“We’re all each other’s got.” 

Michelle squeezes his hand, Peter closing his eyes. He stops, glancing to her then around.

“MJ, I need to tell you something.” 

Michelle holds her breath, before nodding. 

_ This is it. _

“It’s okay, Pete.” 

“No, no it’s not okay. I haven’t, I should’ve told you. Weeks ago. Months.” Peter winces, almost as if the pain of what he was having to admit to Michelle was actually hurting him. Michelle keeps the pressure of her palm steady, waiting for him to continue. 

He lets out a deep exhale, Michelle’s eyebrows furrowing as his eyes open - searching hers. 

“I’m not going to college.”

Michelle nods slowly. 

“I know, you told me today.”

“No,” Peter shakes his head again, wincing, “No, I’m… I’m not going to college because…” He sighs, Michelle feeling his hand trembling. 

Her heart breaks for him, Michelle wishing that whatever was going on with May - that Peter hadn’t felt like he had to carry it alone. 

He wouldn’t - she’d be with him, no matter what. Michelle would help him, be there with him - love him, through anything. 

Michelle knew without a doubt that she loved Peter. And all she wanted was for him to trust her. 

Which is why what he says next completely blindsides her.

“I’m sick.” 

The words don’t register with Michelle, blinking a few times. She knew that Peter never got sick because of his super-strength, hypothesized that it was impossible - considering all the time she had spent watching him.

Before the Blip, before the bite - Peter had asthma, glasses. He’d taken so many sick days that first year of school, Michelle had wondered if something was seriously wrong with him.

After, when Michelle had first gotten curious about him - when her suspicions about him being Spider-Man began to manifest - she recognized that for all of Peter’s flakiness in his extracurriculars and how distracted he was in class, he never took another sick day. 

Peter never got sick. 

And so the words don’t register with her. 

“I told you not to eat so much ice cream. Chocolate and orange sherbet don’t mix well.”

Peter shakes his head, laughing slightly even as his eyes bore into hers, pleading.

“No, MJ. I’m… I’m sick.” 

Michelle’s silent, mind racing.

_ Peter can’t be sick. It’s May, something’s wrong with May. _

_ Peter doesn’t get sick. He hasn’t gotten sick in years.  _

The memory of Peter looking miserable at Decathlon run throughs her mind, the long naps he’d take, the look of concern that both Ned and May gave him. But Michelle pushes it out of her head, shaking it in disbelief even as Peter presses forward. 

_ No, it’s May. Something’s wrong with May. _

“I was the one who ended things. With, with Thanos, the one who caused the Blip.” Michelle’s mouth feels dry, Peter’s eyes starting to well up with tears.

“I don’t understand.” 

“There was a gauntlet. It, it was the thing that brought everyone back. There was a big battle upstate, I know the news didn’t really talk a lot about it, but it was…. It was a lot. It was intense, we were losing and I, I had the gauntlet in my hands, and I knew, I-I knew I could end it.”

Peter was rambling now, Michelle watching in horror as a million things ran through her head, little instances and connections that her mind was finally putting together - or really, Michelle was finally allowing herself to finally  _ see _ .

The way he and Ned whispered to each other in those early days. The time Ned spoke to her the night of decathlon, the night of her and Peter’s first kiss. The constant visits to the Tower, the cold and icy stare that Tony Stark had given her. The reason for Peter not going out as Spider-Man. The afternoons he’d nap a little too long, Michelle having to almost shake him awake. 

It had been so obvious, Michelle had been convinced something was wrong. 

Yet her mind couldn’t wrap itself around this. 

“I don’t--”

“I snapped my fingers. I, I ended it. But doing it, activated… something in me. I got bit by a radioactive spider and doing that, using the gauntlet,  _ did  _ something to me.” 

Michelle suddenly feels as if she can’t breathe, Peter pleading with her. 

_ No. _

“I’m sorry, I should’ve told you. I meant to tell you, but--”

“Tell me what?” Michelle’s voice is soft, but there’s anger brimming, the grip in Peter’s hand wanting to loosen even as he holds on.

_ This isn’t happening. _

“It’s… it can’t be fixed, MJ.” Peter’s voice breaks, Michelle wrestling her hand away.

“What. Does. That. Mean?” She grits her teeth, watching as Peter’s jaw trembles, his eyes glistening with tears. 

_ This can’t be happening.  _

“I’m... God, don’t make me say it, MJ please.”

“What? What do you mean it can’t be  _ fixed _ ? What the fuck is that supposed to mean to me? Tony Stark is your damn boss, you mean to tell me that fucking Iron Man can’t find something to, to---” Michelle’s breath hitches, clamping her mouth shut as she looks at Peter, seething.

His words are rattling around in her mind, making horrifying connections to all the things she’s seen, all the things she had previously assumed completely upended. 

It had been obvious, right in front of her face. But Michelle had been unwilling to see it. 

It hits her, with a clarity that’s too terrifying to recognize, the terror of it feeling like a sledgehammer to the chest - only made more real by the next words out of Peter’s mouth. 

“It can’t be cured, MJ. It’s… there’s nothing he can do, nothing anyone can do.” 

It hits her in shockwaves, Michelle feeling as if she’s being shattered into a million pieces. 

_ No. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening.  _

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She whispers, hating how her voice cracked, tears escaping before she can stop them. 

She sees Peter through blurry eyes, Michelle feeling a million emotions all at once. 

Anger. Hurt. Fury. Terror. 

This is exactly why she didn’t let people in, why she told herself that love was a dangerous game that should never be played. She should’ve never let Harrington force them together, should’ve disregarded the universe and fate and whatever the fuck she had fooled herself into believing could be real. 

Because if this was real. If Peter was dying - then Michelle wasn’t sure how she could live with it.

“I’m sorry, I’m--I’m sorry, MJ. Please.” He goes to grab her hand again but Michelle wrenches it away, the tears streaming down her cheeks doing nothing to articulate the conflicting emotions running through her. 

She loves Peter. 

She’s terrified of losing him.

She can’t lose him - she won’t. 

They were seventeen, just kids - invincible. 

_ Perfect.  _

_ Peter is perfect. He can’t get sick. He can’t be sick. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening. _

Michelle had let herself dream of a life with him, a future - daydreams that were foolish and stupid, something she should never have let herself have. 

“Don’t.” She backs away, the terror giving way to anger, to hurt. 

He’d lied to her, lied to her for months. Peter was a terrible liar, Michelle can’t make sense of it. 

But then Michelle had been too blind to see this. 

Peter had to have known from the beginning, the realization dawning on her for why he’d been so aloof and quiet and distracted in the weeks after the Blip.

_ Peter is dying. _

Michelle lets out a sharp gasp, Peter reaching out.

“Please, MJ, I’m---”

“No, Peter. Stop.” He does, his hand falling to his side even as he looks at her with a miserable, broken expression on his face as she looks right into his eyes. 

“You know, I was getting along with everything fine. I had a plan, I had goals, couldn’t wait to leave this city.” Michelle’s jaw trembles, her hands shaking as Peter stared back, tears now streaming down his cheeks. 

“And then you happened.” Peter’s face crumbled, Michelle shaking her head. 

“Michelle--”

She closes her eyes, backing up further. 

“You told me, you warned me.” Peter’s confused for a moment before she continues. 

“You  _ knew _ . You made me promise not to fall in love with you.” Peter looks as if the wind’s taken out of him, eyes pleading with her but Michelle doesn’t wait for him to respond.

“But I did anyway. Jokes on me right?” 

“Michelle--”

Michelle doesn’t wait to listen. 

As her sobs overwhelm her, tears still steadily streaming down her face, Michelle turns and walks away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the entirety of this chapter crying while listening to Taylor Swift's [Last Kiss](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKmqvV4MWss) on repeat. Just in case you want to get a sneak peek into my mental state about this story.
> 
> He finally told her. 
> 
> <3


	12. Twelve.

Peter’s overwhelmed, a ringing in his ears and stomach churning as Michelle walks away.

He should run after her, yell for her - scream. But he can’t, he fucked up, Peter knows he should’ve told her a long time ago. 

_ I should never have done this. I should never have gotten close to her. _

Peter winces, the emotional turmoil giving way to real pain - an intense pressure just behind his eyes. 

He can’t bring himself to think that, can’t even rationalize it in his head. 

Michelle was the best thing that had ever happened to him. 

Peter loved her - would always love her, until the day he died. 

But he’d also lied to her, kept from her the truth that he couldn’t try and explain away. Peter goes for his phone in his pocket, hands trembling as the sob builds in the back of his throat. 

The phone rings once, twice before a familiar voice on the other end picks up.

“Kid? You alright?”

“Can you, can you come pick me up? Please?” 

* * *

The car ride was silent, Happy’s eyes barely going to the road for as much as he glanced back to Peter. 

Peter could barely contain the sobs, the hurt and the shame rolling over him in equal amounts. 

He’d fucked up, he’d fucked up the one good thing - the only perfect thing in his life - and now it was ruined. 

There’s a ringing in his ears that keeps growing stronger and stronger, Peter almost relishing the pain - if only for how much it mirrors the pain he feels in his heart, in his gut. 

He stumbles out of the car when they arrive, Happy scrambling to help him to the elevator. Happy must’ve called ahead before he arrived because Tony is there, waiting for them.

“Kid?” 

“Mr. Stark, I-I messed up. I--” Peter’s panting, the pain growing stronger and stronger, to the point where he’s starting to see stars. 

“What happened, kid? What, what’s going--”

“I told MJ, I told her, I told—” Peter’s inconsolable, the pressure between his eyes building until it’s almost blinding. 

“Oh Pete.” Peter watches as Tony looks to Happy then back to him, a sudden look of alarm on his face. 

“Kid?” 

Peter starts to feel woozy, dizzy in a way he hasn’t felt in months. The drugs that Tony had made for him kept the worst of his laundry list of symptoms at bay and yet now, it felt as if he hadn’t taken anything at all, the ringing in his ears so loud that everything else starts to fade into static. Peter thinks he feels blood trickling out of his nose, his ears, but he can’t tell - everything starting to go dark. 

“Peter?” He can register that Tony’s hands are on him, that Happy is holding him up, but Tony’s voice is distant - warbled like he’s underwater. Peter’s vision starts to blur, though Peter’s not sure if that’s from the tears or something—

And then it hits, like lightning and fire and pain - all Peter knows and has ever known is pain. He feels the grip of Tony’s arms on him, in the distance hears yelling. 

He can’t make out the words, Peter suddenly feeling weightless - until he feels the cold ground beneath him. 

There’s a hand to his face, but Peter barely feels it, eyes closed as the pain shocks him throughout his body. 

_ I’m going to die. _

_ I’m going to die. _

_ MJ hates me. _

_ I’m sorry. _

Peter’s thoughts are barely coherent, trying and failing to fight against the darkness closing in. 

He thinks he hears his name, more hands on him. 

But then another wave of pain hits him, Peter’s last thoughts going towards the broken expression on Michelle’s face before she turned away.

It’s aching, agonizing - sharp and numbing all at the same time. 

Until Peter feels nothing at all. 

* * *

Michelle unlocks the door behind her apartment, struggling to hold back tears. As soon as she closes the door behind her, she hears her dad call out.

“Hey squish, you had a good time?” 

Michelle swallows, hoping her voice is steady when she replies “Yep. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow.” 

Her mom says something in reply, Michelle walking past them towards her bedroom. She barely holds it together as she opens her door, closing it behind her. Michelle can feel the sob in the back of her throat, rushing to grab some clothes to sleep in before rushing to the shower. 

When Michelle gets to the bathroom, she immediately gets the shower running. As she strips down, putting her hair in a cap, Michelle doesn’t even try to hold back the tears any longer. 

_ He lied to me. _

_ He lied to me. _

_ He lied to me. _

It’s like a broken record in her head, over and over again as she steps into the hot shower. Michelle can’t think of anything else, can’t allow herself to consider anything but the rage and fury she felt. 

This is why she didn’t let anyone in, why she had been so insistent on keeping her distance - to not allow anyone in when she was still so young. Michelle couldn’t afford to get hurt, couldn’t afford to be lied to - not when she had her entire life to--

It hits her in waves, a sucker punch.

_ Peter is dying. _

Michelle’s shoulders start to shake - her sobs barely muffled by the water. 

Anger gave way to grief, Michelle feeling the pain of it acutely. Peter was dying - he hadn’t told her, he’d lied to her…

And she loved him. 

It’s a truth she can’t escape, a truth that hits her again and again in a cycle. 

_ He lied to me. He’s dying. I love him. _

As the water continues to pour, Michelle’s tears washed away with them, she wraps her arms around her and lets herself feel - in every aching detail - the pain of what she might lose. 

* * *

_ Peter drifted in and out of consciousness, the pain excruciating. _

_ He was aware that he was in a hospital, or something similar, aware of May and Tony’s presence at his bedside. But what he was most aware of, the thing that caused him the most pain, was the feeling of numbness crawling all up and down his side, his arm. _

_ Peter glanced at it, the action of it making him wince only for his eyes to widen. _

_ His hand was destroyed, mangled and burned in a way that he thinks should hurt more than it does. For all the pain that Peter feels, it wasn’t originating from his arm anymore - but his chest, his stomach, like his whole body was on fire. _

_ Peter looked up to Tony, seeing the fear in his eyes. _

_ “Why’d you do it, kid? Why, why did you--” _

_ Peter doesn’t speak, suddenly aware of the oxygen mask on his face - the darkness closing in on his vision. He hopes his eyes express enough of what he’s feeling, hopes that Tony understands. _

_ Peter knew he could’ve stopped it. _

_ Peter had to. _

_ And he did. _

_ Before Peter drifts off again, feeling the pressure of Tony’s hand on his forehead, all Peter could think - through the pain and the fire and agony - that maybe now, he could finally rest. _

* * *

Tony’s hands are shaking, the image of Peter collapsing in the entryway playing in his mind in an endless loop.

He knew he should’ve pushed, should’ve told the kid enough was enough - that he wasn’t strong enough to keep going, that Peter needed to--

Tony closes his eyes, resting his head in his hands, letting the steady rhythm of the heart monitor ground him. 

Peter’s room in the medbay had been ready for him for weeks, something Tony hadn’t wanted to accept yet desperately had to prepare for. 

It was a conflict, an endless battle in attempting to understand and prepare for the impossible - yet seemingly being unable to fathom the possibility that if he didn’t, that Peter wouldn’t have what he needed when the time came.

And here it was, sooner than Tony had ever wanted - could ever have wanted. 

Tony had just been complaining to Bruce about Peter’s unwillingness to move in, how Peter had been avoiding what was to come.

And yet now, with Peter beside him - in a room he had done everything in his power to wish away yet prepared for anyway - Tony wishes he hadn’t put his thoughts out into the universe. 

Tony wondered to himself that of all the things he did in this world, all the mistakes he ever made - what the hell he could’ve done to deserve this - to watch Peter die a third time. 

Peter died on that miserable planet, died again after snapping his fingers - yet each time, every time he flatlined - they brought him back. 

Tony had brought Peter back twice, but now with Peter beside him - Tony was finally coming to grips with the knowledge that there wouldn’t be a third chance. 

Tony lifts his head out of his hands, a deep and exhausted sigh as he looked over to Peter. 

Cho said he was stable, that the sudden loss of consciousness was normal - almost to be expected.

Tony could tell - from years and years of working with her - the words that Cho hadn’t said, the surprise that Peter had been conscious for any length of time at all. Tony saw the scans, knew enough from his own research that the problems riddling Peter’s body were beyond repair. 

It didn’t make sense - to Tony and clearly neither to Cho - for Peter to have been so sick and yet to have lasted as long and as relatively well as he did. As far as Cho had seemed to imply, it was almost a miracle Peter had been walking at all. 

It was as if Peter had been fighting, warring with himself much more than he had ever admitted to Tony - but he couldn’t fight anymore. 

Tony had just been telling Bruce how he wished Peter could fight, wished Peter would try harder. But hearing that from Cho, seeing the scans and report himself, Tony was struck with the realization that Peter _ had _ been fighting -- in his own way. 

Peter clearly didn't want to die, Tony knew that even in his own frustration. But Peter knew - long before Tony had ever been willing to admit - what he was capable of surviving, what Tony would be capable of solving. 

Here it was, months and months of searching - even without Peter’s permission or desire for him to - and yet Tony still had absolutely nothing. And now at Peter’s bedside, sleeping in a room that had been prepared just for him, Tony realizes he can’t run away from the inevitable anymore.

Pepper. Rhodey. May. They’d all been right. Peter fought as hard as he could. 

And now it was Tony’s job to just be with him - fully and completely. 

Tony sighs, settling his hand on Peter’s. 

“I’m sorry, Pete.” 

Peter doesn’t answer, the only sound Tony hears in response the soft beeping and rhythm of the heart monitor. It occurs to Tony that there will be a time when Peter won’t even give him that, that a day sooner rather than later - there will be only silence in return. 

Tony just grips Peter’s hand tighter, willing the sob in the back of his throat away. 

Tony had saved Peter twice. 

Peter had saved them all. 

And Tony wishes - with everything in him, that just one more time, he could save Peter again. 

* * *

Michelle doesn’t know how long she’s been asleep.

She’d slipped into bed quietly, physically and emotionally spent. When she finally wakes up, the sunlight is streaming into her bedroom, Michelle groggily opening her eyes. 

She reaches for her phone on instinct, knowing that Peter would text her as he always did--

Michelle’s hand stops - hand extended over the phone. 

The memories of the night before flood back, the pain and the anger bubbling back to the surface. 

She loved Peter. 

Peter had _ lied _to her.

_ Peter was dying. _

Michelle takes a deep breath, going for her phone anyway - expecting the long line of missed calls and texts that Peter had undoubtedly left her. But when she turns the phone, it’s not Peter’s name that pops up.

It’s Pepper.

The phone goes off again, startling Michelle. 

“Hello?”

“Oh thank God, Michelle.”

“Ms. Potts?”

“Michelle, I need… I think you need to come to the Tower.” Michelle lets out a sharp laugh, sitting up in bed. 

“It’s Saturday, Ms. Potts. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job but today’s not a good day, I’m not really looking to--”

“It’s Peter.” 

Michelle stills at his name, something in Pepper’s voice causing something in her stomach to churn.

“Is everything okay?”

Michelle can almost see Pepper’s face in her mind, the pause and uncertainty on the other end being wholly unfamiliar to her. 

Pepper Potts was forthright - firm and sure of her business and herself. In the months Michelle had interned for her, she couldn’t think of any time or instance when Pepper had been anything less than the formidable business woman she’d grown up admiring. 

Yet the voice on the other end of the line was so unlike Pepper, so cautious and concerned that Michelle almost wanted to double check if she was speaking to someone else. 

“Peter’s here. He’s…. He’s been asking for you.” 

Michelle closes her eyes, gritting her teeth. 

“Ms. Potts, I know you and Peter are close but I think this is between the two of us. I need… I need some time.” It occurs to her then that Pepper - May, Ned - all of them had to have known.

Michelle felt the surge of betrayal, even as her emotions ran wild at the thought of how everyone had let them be together - _ let her _ carry on as if there was a future between the two of them. 

There’s silence on the other end, Michelle wondering if the call dropped.

But then Pepper speaks, words that cause Michelle’s heart to constrict.

“I understand, Michelle, I do. But I’m...” 

Michelle waits, gripping the phone tighter. 

“We’re not sure how much time he has left.” 

* * *

Michelle doesn’t remember what excuse she gives her parents for leaving, knowing in the end it didn’t really matter. They trusted her, trusted her instincts and her capacity to take care of herself. 

But as she rides the familiar elevator up, going to a floor she’s never seen before, Michelle wonders if that trust had been misplaced.

Michelle had prided herself on her ability to see through the bullshit, to get to the truth of situations long before anyone else had. She’d been watching Peter for almost two years - not counting the Blip - and felt with absolute certainty that she had figured out everything there ever was to know about him. 

_ I’m so fucking stupid. _

The truth had been there, right in front of her face.

Peter’s sunken eyes, how tired he was and distracted. The concerned looks that May would send him, Ned’s protectiveness, the constant calls and visits with Tony Stark. 

Peter hadn’t been concerned about something being wrong with May, Michelle had just been too delusional - too unwilling to face the truth. 

As the double doors open, she remembers back to that first night - walking around Baltimore and the nervousness Peter had had before she’d outed him as Spider-Man. It hits her as she walks forward that Peter had wanted to tell her, clearly now with hindsight she could see it.

But she’d been too stubborn, too headstrong and pushy.

Michelle won’t take all the blame, she knows in her gut - even with how angry and hurt she’s feeling - that Peter was wrong. He may not have told her that one night but he’d had countless opportunities in the time since, weeks and weeks to tell her the truth.

Yet he hadn’t. 

In another life, with anyone else - Michelle would’ve shrugged it off, pushed him away, told herself that there was nothing that could salvage this kind of betrayal. 

_ But it’s Peter. _

Being with Peter had opened her up in ways that Michelle was only just realizing, the rush and inexplicable comfort of knowing you were meant for someone - knowing that the kind of foolhardy love that people wrote songs about, wrote epics, died for - was the one she had with Peter.

She loved him. She loved Peter.

_ He’s dying. _

Michelle barely shoves down the grief threatening to swallow her whole as she makes her way through the medbay, seeing a familiar face in front of her. 

“Michelle.” 

Michelle had never considered herself a touchy person, especially not with someone as far removed as her boss - someone who had known the truth and had kept it from her.

But when Pepper extends out her arms, Michelle immediately rushes into them, overwhelmed with the tenderness Pepper shows as she wraps her arms around her. 

It’s motherly, gentle - a side of Pepper that Michelle had always admired yet had never seen for herself until now. 

Pepper loosens her embrace, Michelle feeling tears start to form.

“I’m glad you came.”

Michelle only nodded, letting Pepper lead her forward - Michelle catching a glimpse of him behind the double doors. 

Peter’s awake, sitting up, Tony Stark by his side. 

As the doors whoosh open, Michelle takes another shaky breath, and steps in. 

* * *

For all that he’s heard of Michelle - from Peter and Pepper - Tony recognizes that this is only the second time he’s actually met her.

Their first meeting had been awkward, Tony rude in a way that Pepper had scolded him about later. He hadn’t meant to be, not really - but her presence in the office that day reminded him of all the time Peter hadn’t spent with him, precious time that could’ve been spent searching for some type of cure. 

But seeing her in front of him now, her shoulders tense and her eyes red from crying, Tony feels a surge of empathy for the girl in front of him. 

Tony had spent months and months dreading this moment, dreading the reality that was in front of him and yet now - at Peter’s beside, Tony recognized that he didn’t have anymore time to waste. 

Peter was approaching the end. And if he had wanted to spend what little time he had with Michelle, someone he clearly loved and from what Tony could see now, clearly loved him - how could he deny him that? 

In another life and under different circumstances, Tony thinks he would’ve met her much sooner, over dinner or something equally awkward. How Peter would’ve stammered in the nervous way he did, Tony all bravado and charm as he made her feel welcome. 

But this wasn’t those kind of circumstances and as much as it pained Tony to admit, they never would be. 

Though as he looks at Michelle, seeing for the first time the fear and vulnerability in her eyes, Tony recognizes - with a stunning and heart-breaking clarity - that neither one of them would ever be on opposite sides again. 

Tony hadn’t really met Michelle, didn’t really know her. 

Yet as he stood up to greet her, Tony knew it in his soul that when Peter died, he and Michelle would be bound together forever — connected by a grief that neither of them would ever be able to recover from. 


	13. Thirteen.

After a slightly awkward handshake and quietly standing around, Pepper and Tony step out - leaving the two of them alone. 

The silence between them felt tense, reminding Michelle of that conversation in the diner, when she’d officially become his girlfriend.

It felt like years now, though it really had only been months. Yet Michelle knew that their feelings for each other had been building since the moment they were paired together, her own crush from years ago reminding her that even before all of this - she had always been drawn to Peter Parker. 

He sits there, waiting. 

She can’t try and hide her anger, the pain that ached in the bottom of her heart. 

She loved Peter. Michelle wouldn’t even try and deny it. 

But Peter was dying. 

And Michelle couldn’t help but wonder if she had made it worse. 

She takes a tentative step forward, scanning him up and down. He wasn’t in a hospital gown, looking decidedly more comfortable in some MIT hoodie. 

It hits her that Peter had to have known this was coming for a long time - _of course he did_ \- to the point where he’d likely prepared, knew enough about what was going on with him to know what he’d want when the time came. 

And though it’s justified and completely in her right to feel every inch of the hurt and pain and betrayal that aches within her, the thought of that - of Peter not just dying, but having to come to grips with it on his own - makes everything else melt away. 

She’s furious, frustrated and hurt - but not at Peter, not completely.

Michelle’s fucking pissed, horrified that something like this was happening to Peter. 

Peter who had known - _for months_ \- what was coming. Peter who had gone to class, joined decathlon, did all the normal things a teenager was supposed to -- all with the knowledge that any first of his could eventually be his last. 

Peter who was a hero, who deserved so much better than what was in front of him. 

It’s an idea that almost doubles her over, the unfairness of it all. He should’ve told her, should’ve talked to her fucking weeks ago.

But Michelle wishes now - more than ever - that he had, if only so that he didn’t have to carry the burden of this secret without her. 

“Are you okay?”

Peter seems surprised at the question, eyes widening a little before nodding - shrugging his shoulders. 

“Yeah, I mean… all things considered.”

“Yeah.” 

It’s quiet, Michelle sighing.

“MJ.”

She looks up to him, sees the tears welling up in his eyes. 

“I’m so, _so_ sorry, MJ. It was wrong, I should’ve told you ages ago.”

“Yeah, dumbass. You should’ve.” Peter takes her words as a rebuke, hanging his head. Michelle just rushes forward, surprising him.

“I could’ve been there for you.”

She goes to sit on his bed, Peter immediately making room for her. 

Michelle stares at him, biting her lip as she tries to hold back her own tears. “When did, when did you find out? 

Peter fiddles with the ends of his sweatshirt, looking down until Michelle reaches her hand out, Peter looking up at her. 

He takes it, giving a soft squeeze before taking a deep breath, exhaling some of the tension in his shoulders. 

“Almost a year ago. Doing the snap, it uh, it took a lot out of me those first few weeks. We didn’t find out just how much until later.” 

“Why didn’t we know about that? The world should be celebrating you, Pete.” Peter shook his head, a firm expression on his face.

“No, it wasn’t about that. I just… I had to do it. It was the right thing to do. I had to.” 

Michelle doesn’t argue, knowing all too well how Peter’s mind worked by now. 

“And Stark never found a cure? Some kind of fix? You can’t tell me fucking Iron Man couldn’t figure something out.” 

Peter lets out a small laugh. “He tried. We tried, for awhile.” He grips her hand tighter. 

“But it was awful Michelle. He was obsessed with finding something, and it just… there’s nothing. He hasn’t found anything and it hit me a few months ago that he just… he never would.”

Michelle closed her eyes, hand still firmly in Peter’s as he continued. 

“So I stopped responding to treatments. Wanted to live as normally as I could--”

“Why didn’t you tell anybody?” Michelle looks back up to him, hoping to understand.

Peter pauses, running a thumb across her hand. “I didn’t want anybody to be weird around me.” 

“Including me? Peter, come on.” 

“_Especially_ you.” 

A sudden and overwhelming wave of grief flows over her, Peter’s grip on her hand tightening as Michelle’s vision gets blurry. 

She loved Peter, and as much as it ached everything that was within her at the thought of him leaving her - Michelle knew in that moment that there was nothing that would ever be able to separate her from him. 

Not now, not when she knew how little time she had left with him. 

“I’m sorry, MJ. I should’ve told you sooner.” Michelle shakes her head, looking down. 

“No, I’m, I made you do too many things, kept you out and away from--”

“No, no, I talked to Tony.” Michelle looks up to him, seeing the tears escape. 

“If anything, you kept me healthy longer.” 

Michelle is silent before the sarcastic comment almost spills out of her. 

“Could’ve told you that, dumbass. I’m a fucking delight.” 

Peter genuinely laughs, Michelle smiling even as tears started streaming down her face. It’s overwhelming, the situation awful and horrifying yet holding Peter’s hand, hearing his laugh — still made Michelle’s heart skip a beat. 

His laughter subsides after a few moments, settling into a comfortable silence until Michelle speaks up, a question that had been building in the back of her mind for hours now. 

“Are you scared?” 

Peter smirks, a tired look in his eyes. 

“To death.” 

Michelle frowns, her hand gripping his tighter. 

“Lighten up.” Peter tries to joke with her but Michelle shakes her head. 

“That’s not funny.” 

Peter’s smile falls, Michelle leaning forward until his forehead met hers. She closes her eyes, listening as Peter continues. 

“I’m scared…” Peter starts, taking in a shaky breath. “I’m scared of not being with you.” 

The thought of that breaks Michelle, convinced more than ever that there’s nothing that could keep her from him. 

The months of secret keeping, the months and years that would be stolen from them - none of that mattered anymore to Michelle. 

That first night in Baltimore, Michelle had been convinced that there was nothing she wanted more than to spend any moment she had with Peter - kissing him, being with him, loving him. 

Knowing now that there was a deadline, an actual time limit on the time they had together in this world - pushed her even further to the truth. 

Michelle loved Peter Parker with every fiber of her being. And she’d spend the rest of his life proving it to him. 

“Peter, that’ll never happen.” Michelle whispers, opening her eyes - seeing Peter looking straight at her. 

His breath hitches, Michelle closing her eyes again as she rushes forward, pulling him into a kiss that he returns with fervor. 

It’s a promise she knows neither of them can keep, but one she wishes for all the same. 

As Michelle brings a hand to his face, tears mingling in with the kiss, something breaks within her with the realization that her first fears about him would actually come true. 

That no matter how much she loved him, no matter how much she wanted to be with him - Peter would actually flake out on her after all. 

* * *

“Hey sweetheart.”

Peter opens up his eyes, May smiling as she glances down to him. 

“Hey.” 

May struggled to keep her voice steady, bringing a hand to his cheek. “How is it today?” 

Peter glanced up to the ceiling, May almost hearing the thoughts in his head swirl around. He tried so hard for so long to keep her out of the loop, to try and be stronger than what he was. 

But now, a few weeks into their stay into the Tower, Peter couldn’t hide from it anymore. 

It was the hardest thing imaginable, May thought, to lose a child. Unfathomable and impossible to consider. 

But she wondered if there was anything worse than not only having your child die, but to have a front row seat to their suffering - knowing you were powerless to stop it. 

She’d talked about it endlessly with Pepper and Tony, whispered conversations in the halls as far away as they could manage - knowing that Peter could hear it them if he tried. 

May had watched Peter for months as he struggled to stay healthy, struggled to hide the pain away from her. 

The one bright spot had been seeing how happy she’d seen him, all the time he spent with Michelle. 

May had never been comfortable with Peter keeping the truth from her, but couldn’t bring herself to tell Michelle without his consent.

Peter had been robbed too many choices in his life. 

And even if this choice affected more than just himself, May couldn’t reconcile it within herself to betray Peter’s trust. 

Now, a few weeks into February, it seemed as if none of it had mattered after all.

Michelle was a constant presence, even more than Ned. May had loved spending time with her, even before their move to the Tower. Quick chats in the kitchen, laughing - usually at Peter’s expense - over dinner. She’d catch the way Michelle would smile at Peter, the way Peter would smile back and it tugged at her heart.

In another life, May thinks she would’ve liked to have seen Michelle and Peter’s relationship grow - see them weather the change of time and seasons. But May couldn’t allow herself to think on that too much, knowing the grief of it would overwhelm her.

May could only focus on the now, the small moments of peace she could latch on to and hold within her grasp.

Peter’s slow exhale brings her out of her thoughts, May running her thumb across his cheek as he looks back to her. 

“It’s okay. A seven, I think.” May tries to smile, though it feels more like a grimace. 

It spoke to the amount of pain he was in that seven was considered to be a good day. 

May wasn’t a doctor or a nurse, felt all the science and technobabble was just a little beyond her. 

But she knew Peter. She knew pain.

And if Peter was at a seven, willing to share it with her freely, May knew it was only a matter of time before Peter wouldn’t be able to share anything with her at all.

_My beautiful boy. You’ve been strong for so long. _

“Do you want me to call Tony in? See if they can get anything more? I think he and Bruce were working on something yesterday that might help.”

Peter slowly shakes his head, May trying to push away how much the action of it seemed to take it out of him. 

“No, it’s okay. MJ’s coming by with Ned. He said they have to reenact something Flash did in physics.” 

“Peter, honey if it’s too much, we can—“ 

“I want them to come, May.” Peter’s voice is soft but the intent is firm, May nodding. 

“Okay sweetie, okay. But as soon as they’re gone, how about you take a nap huh? Get some rest before we eat, how does that sound?” 

Peter smiles, May’s heart constricting at the sight. 

Losing Peter would be the hardest thing she’d ever do. 

It was difficult losing Richard and Mary, devastating to lose Ben.

But seeing Peter now, barely speaking above a whisper - his breathing just slightly irregular - made May consider that there were fates worse than death.

Peter was dying.

But May would have to live without him. 

She brings herself down to kiss his forehead before standing back, going to hold his hand. 

“May.” 

“Hmm?” 

“I love you.”

May smiles, squeezing his hand. 

“I love you, Peter. Always.”

_I loved you from the moment I saw you. _

_I’ll love you until the end of time. _

* * *

“Hey.” 

Tony turns to look at her. She could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his hands never seemed to stop moving. 

Michelle was observant, perceptive in a way that tended to alienate people. 

Yet she hadn’t quite come to grips with how wrong she’d been about Tony Stark. 

Michelle had been right in some aspects, he clearly hadn’t liked the idea of her before — the reason for why Peter had spent so little time at the Tower.

But now, almost a month of being almost constantly around each other made Michelle realize that they had more in common than she had originally thought. 

They were both stubborn — confident and sure of themselves.

They both fiercely admired Pepper and May. 

But most of all, Tony and Michelle both loved Peter - in different but no less intense ways.

Peter finally told her everything that first day, the details of how the Blip was undone - what Tony Stark had risked to save them all. 

Michelle still admired Peter, even in knowing that his decision would rip him away from her. But telling the full story gave Michelle a new-found respect for Tony, the recognition that even if Peter wasn’t his blood relative, that he loved him like a son. 

Tony had seemingly warmed up to her too - small talk in the hallway, jokes over Peter’s music choices, panicked glances when Peter coughed a little too fiercely. 

It was an unspoken understanding between the two of them, a mutual acceptance of the other person’s place in Peter’s life. 

They were united in their love for Peter. And as they got closer and closer to a world Michelle couldn’t bring herself to face, she knew that Tony would be there right along with her. 

“How long has he been out?” Michelle whispers, Tony looking back to Peter - her own eyes following his. 

Peter slept all the time, or so it seemed - but Michelle didn’t really mind. She knew from conversations with May that it was what Cho thought best, a way for Peter’s mind and body to rest. 

Tony had seemingly poured every natural resource into making the end of Peter’s life comfortable, Michelle knowing that any moment that he wasn’t at Peter’s bedside he was off in a lab somewhere - trying to find something, _anything_ to lessen his pain. 

If she hadn’t already respected him for his part in saving the universe, she’d be thankful to him forever for that. 

“You just missed him. Slipped off about fifteen minutes ago.” Tony offers, his eyes still steadily on Peter. 

Michelle goes to sit on the chair across from him, on the other side of Peter. The beeping of the heart monitor is the only sound in the room for a minute, both Tony and Michelle content just to sit by him. 

Tony breaks the silence first. 

“Pete tells me you’re going to Harvard.” 

Michelle nods, not taking her eyes off Peter. 

“Good school.”

Michelle shrugs before sighing, glancing to Tony only to find that he’s staring right at her. 

It’s a contemplative stare, one that’s sizing her up but not unkindly. 

Michelle recognizes it - she’s given it to plenty of people. 

“You’re a good kid, Jones.” 

Michelle’s gives a small smile, head turning back to Peter. His mouth was slightly open as he snored, curled up on his side.

Peter had always been slight, shorter than her but now - he looked even smaller, Michelle feeling as if something was lodged in her throat. 

Peter used to be able to stop a bus, used to do backflips as he swung around the city. Now it seemed as if he couldn’t spend more than a few hours awake at a time, the thought of it breaking her heart. 

She had accidentally overhead Cho mentioning that the radiation had climbed up to 92%, Michelle panicking at how close Peter seemed to be to the end. 

Peter deserved so much more, deserved to see and do so much more than what he’d been given. He was good— kind and gentle in a way that Michelle had always admired, even if she never before would’ve admitted it. 

Peter didn’t deserve this. He saved the world. 

Peter deserved to see it. 

“He’s better.” Michelle whispers, seeing out of the corner of her eye how Tony’s face falls. 

It’s quiet between them again, both of them seemingly lost in their own thoughts before he speaks up again. 

“He thinks the world of you.” 

Michelle glances back to Tony, seeing how his eyes glistened, Michelle’s own vision getting blurry. 

They’d gotten off on the wrong foot the first time around, Michelle judging him too harshly and Tony having clearly done the same. But as Michelle takes Peter’s hand, carefully so as not to wake him, she knew that there was no need for apologies.

Peter might think the world of her, but all Michelle could think of is what that world would be like without him. 

* * *

“You think I got a shot at working with the Crimson?” 

Peter slowly threads his hand through Michelle’s hair, watching as she glances up from the ceiling back towards him.

“I mean, I know it’s all elitist bullshit but, I think I could do it. Bring a different perspective to a newsroom.”

“I thought you wanted to go to law school.”

“I do. I think, maybe both. Do you think that’s too much?”

“I think you could do anything you want, MJ. Everything.” 

Michelle looks at him in a way that makes Peter’s heart skip a beat, the simultaneous love and pain in her gaze making him wish he could’ve loved her sooner, could’ve loved her longer.

He hadn’t wanted to face moving to the Tower, for everything that it would mean, but now his life followed another steady rhythm and routine.

Long mornings where he slept. Long talks with May, Pepper and Tony. Coloring with Morgan. Shooting the shit with Colonel Rhodes.

And then after they finished school, long stretches of time with Ned and Michelle. 

He liked spending time with both of them, liked listening to him and Michelle argue back in forth - nothing ever really serious, just banter from his best friends. 

Peter knew people from Midtown had heard that he’d gotten sick, asked questions to both Ned and Michelle about what was really going on. Leaving school in the middle of January, with no plans to return, had to have been confusing for them. 

Peter could feel it, how close he was to oblivion. He’d hoped to make it to graduation, and then to spring break - but now, just a few days shy of March and Peter wasn’t sure if he’d even see that. 

It made Peter glad - if he could be glad about such a thing - that he’d stopped being Spider-Man long before he arrived at the Tower, thinking that if he hadn’t that the kids at Midtown might have finally figured him out. 

Peter still didn’t want anyone knowing he was Spider-Man and even if Tony had asked him about it - if he wanted to announce it to the city or what he had in mind, Peter didn’t really care. 

It was funny to him almost, the thing he’d been most secretive about, the thing he had loved doing and being more than anything - wasn’t even a thought. 

He had loved being Spider-Man, loved helping people. And even now, what felt like days away from the end of everything Peter ever knew - he still didn’t regret using that gauntlet. 

But Peter wasn’t Spider-Man anymore, hadn’t been for a long time. As far as Peter was concerned, Spider-Man died months ago. 

With as much time as he had left, he just wanted to end his life as he started it - as Peter Parker. 

Midtown, Michelle’s parents, anyone who was curious got fed the story of a quick and intense cancer, waving away his stay at the Tower with the length of his internship and proximity to Tony Stark. People had questions but Peter didn’t really care to answer any. 

He didn’t want many visitors - just the ones who were already there. 

“You ever think….” Michelle trails off, Peter turning to his side to look at her better. His bed was relatively large, comfortable beyond what Peter could’ve thought of for something in a hospital setting. 

As much as Tony had been unwilling to face the possibility of Peter dying, it seemed that he had still prepared for it all the same. Peter almost smiled at the thought - the man who always looked to the future, even if that future wouldn’t unfold like he wished for it to.

“Think what?” He asks Michelle, bringing an arm around her as she snuggled closer to him. 

They hadn’t had many moments alone when he first moved to the Tower, save for one nearly disastrous encounter when Tony had almost walked in on them. 

Peter was dying - not dead. 

After that, Tony - along with May, Pepper and seemingly every other adult in his orbit - left them relatively alone when it was just the two of them, though on some level Peter wondered how comfortable he was with everyone knowing _why_ they wanted to be alone. 

And on another level wondered how anyone was even okay with it. 

But then, small allowances - he figured - could be given for the dying. 

That has been weeks ago now, Peter thinking that time suddenly seemed to rush past him - slipping just out of reach.

They were alone again, but Peter just wanted to hold her, be close to her, listen to her as she talked about her future plans. 

It was harder for Michelle to do so now, even if Peter still loved listening. 

He loved imagining Michelle’s future - the places she’d get to see, the people she would meet, the whole world and universe at her fingertips. 

Peter would dream about it so much he could taste it, could see her beautiful, long curly hair flowing in the wind as she walked to class in the fall, could almost hear Michelle’s laugh as she ate ice cream in the summer - surrounded by faceless but happy friends. 

He could see her traveling, hiking up mountains, finding waterfalls and jumping off cliffs. 

Peter could see a whole world out there for Michelle - even if he knew he’d never get to see it with her. 

But now it seemed that Michelle hadn’t wanted to talk about it as much as she used to, not in front of Peter - something he didn’t want to ever change. 

He loved Michelle. And Peter knew that she loved him. 

Peter wouldn’t be there to see the world with her. But he still wanted to keep pushing her to see it all the same. 

“Think what, MJ?” He prods, Michelle bringing her arm around his torso. 

“Think about what it’d be like? If… if it could’ve been us. Together. Me at Harvard, you at MIT or something. Just.... together.”

Peter smiles, bringing his lips to her forehead. 

“Yeah. I do.” He moves his hand to her face, eyes feeling heavy. He hated it, the feeling that he was sleeping the rest of his life away. 

But Peter was tired, he just wanted to rest. He could at least be content that - for now - he still got to hold Michelle. 

“But you’re going to be amazing, MJ. You already are. You’re going to do and see so much, it won’t matter that I’m not there.”

“How can you say that?” Michelle whispers but Peter slowly shakes his head.

“I don’t mean it like that, I mean…” He closes his eyes, feeling the pull to sleep - to rest - so strongly. But he opens them again, looking into her eyes. He had to get this out, had to make Michelle understand. 

“I mean, that you—you’re incredible, MJ. You’re going to change the world. And it doesn’t matter that I won’t get to see it because I already do, in my head.” He moves his hand to softly thread through her hair again, Michelle bringing her own hand to his face. 

“I don’t know if I can do this, Pete. I don’t know, I don’t know how I’ll—“ 

“You will, MJ. I know it. You’re going to be amazing.” He whispers, feeling his eyes closing against his will. 

Peter feels exhausted, he always did now - more so than ever before. But Michelle just curls up closer to him, Peter smiling as she does. 

Peter feels himself starting to drift, holding her tight when Michelle speaks up again. 

“You know, I think I would’ve gone to prom with you.” 

Peter softly laughs, eyes still closed. “I thought you weren’t that kind of girlfriend.” He murmurs, his hand slowing as his fingers tangled through her hair. 

“No, I said I wouldn’t want to be that mean girlfriend who told you no in front of people.” Peter’s mind is too far gone to decipher the difference, Michelle continuing. 

“But I was wrong. I would’ve gone with you, if you would’ve asked. Even in front of everyone.” 

Peter hums in response, feeling heavy and light at the same time. His breathing starts to slow, feeling himself slipping away but he forces the words out all the same. 

“There’s no else here, but… would you?” Peter can’t bring his eyes open, but he can sense Michelle’s head moving to look at him. 

“What?”

“Go to prom with me?” Peter whispers, hearing Michelle’s breath hitch. 

They couldn’t go to prom. It was months away. 

Peter wasn’t even sure if he’d make it to next week. 

But Michelle was the love of his life.

Michelle deserved the world - everything good, perfect, extraordinary and normal. 

Peter still wanted to ask - even if he’d never get to see it. 

Peter’s not sure how long it takes for her to answer, his eyes still closed and his breathing evening out, Michelle’s heartbeat lulling him to sleep. 

But right before he drifts off, he hears Michelle’s muffled sob, her voice shaking as she whispered back. 

“Yeah Pete, I’d go anywhere with you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can hardly believe this story is already winding down. Just one more chapter & then the epilogue...
> 
> We’re in the endgame now <3


	14. Fourteen.

Tony wrung his hands together, watching Peter while he slept.

Spring was creeping back into New York, the sunshine bright and streaming into Peter’s room. But even beyond all reason and hope, even if Peter had actually made it to March - Tony wondered if there would be any sunlight left in the world when Peter left, an unshakeable feeling that he’d take it all right along with him when he died. 

Hearing the rattle of Peter’s lungs, the way he’d fall asleep for longer lengths of time - each time Tony holding his breath, wondering if it was the last time he’d ever see Peter awake. 

As much as it hurt to think of, Tony knew it was days away from the inevitable.

Tony sighs, leaning back into his chair by Peter’s bedside.

Tony was well-acquainted with death and grief, knew that time never lessened loss - it only allowed you time to grow around it, gave space to try and live with it. 

Five years without Peter had felt like a lifetime. 

But now — bringing him back to only have less than a year with him — Tony realized that he would find out just how long a lifetime without Peter would really be. 

Tony knew that grief was just love with nowhere to go - those five long years proving to him that he would still have plenty of love in his life when Peter left.

Yet it did nothing to lessen the ache of what a life without Peter Parker - _again_, permanently, with no chance of return - would actually mean. 

Peter stirs in his sleep, Tony watching as he shifted. 

May was napping in the other room. Tony checked his watch, knowing Michelle and Ned had to be on their way. It was a feeling they all shared, an understanding that the end was imminent. The two of them hated going to school at this point for fear of missing Peter before he was gone. But Peter, when he was awake, was insistent. 

Peter was adamant that their lives had to go on as normally as possible — even if Tony knew that things would never be the same again. 

Tony adjusted his position in his chair, glancing up from his watch and back to Peter. 

The kid had an entire medical team at his disposal - any of whom would immediately let Tony know if anything changed. 

Yet Tony still couldn’t bring himself to leave Peter’s bedside, hovering as close as he could when the kid wasn’t otherwise occupied with May, Ned or Michelle. 

Even if Peter spent more of his time asleep than awake, Tony’s mind went to all the times Michelle would bring a book to read - content to just lay beside him as Peter slept. 

It was a picture seared into Tony’s memory, one that he knew he’d think on for years and years to come. 

The thought of Peter having love in his life - real love, one that reminded Tony of what he had with Pepper took the wind out of him - yet knowing that Peter wouldn’t get the chance to live that love out.

Tony’s heart broke at the thought that Peter wouldn’t have the chance to have his happy ending, one that of all people — Peter so richly deserved. 

_I wish I could give you a miracle, kid._

As if Peter could hear Tony’s thoughts, he starts to stir again in his sleep, Tony pausing as Peter seemed to shift himself enough to wake. 

Tony waits until he’s sure Peter’s fully coherent, knowing that with as many pain relievers flowing through his system that he tended to wake up groggy and disoriented. 

But Tony would take it - take anything - to hold on to the fleeting moments of Peter waking up at all. 

“Hey Pete.” 

“Mis’r Stark?” Peter wheezed, Tony swallowing down the lump in his throat as he nodded. 

“Yeah, it’s me kid.” Peter shifted slightly, Tony immediately going to fix the cannula - the line having twisted slightly with Peter’s movement. 

It pained Tony that the kid needed oxygen at this point, that he struggled to breathe. It was just another reminder that Peter’s end was coming, another failure of Tony’s that he hadn’t been able to prevent. 

Peter’s eyes flutter before closing again, Tony going to relax back into the chair. 

Peter did this often enough that Tony expected it, waking up for a few moments only to fall right back to sleep. 

But Peter - as he always did - surprised him, eyes opening again. He blinked slowly a few times, scanned the ceiling before settling on Tony’s. 

“You’re here.” Peter whispers. 

Tony swallows again, blinking back tears. “Always kid, I’ll always be here for you.”

Peter hums in response, eyes lazily going back to the ceiling. Tony stopped asking Cho about the level of radiation in his body - it seemed irrelevant now.

All Tony could focus on was making sure Peter felt safe, felt loved - felt no pain.

“May?”

“Taking a nap in the other room. She’ll be back in, promised her I’d wake her in an hour. Michelle and Ned should be on their way.”

Peter blinks again, Tony watching intently as he moved his head toward him and smiled. Peter licks his lips, before getting a faraway look in his eyes - immediately causing Tony to lean forward.

“You need anything?”

Peter slowly shakes his head, though Tony could see the slight upturn of his lip.

“You sure about that?”

Peter sighs, Tony leaning closer as he took the kid’s hand.

“Can I ask you something?” 

Tony tightened his grip in Peter’s hand, a pang of remorse shooting through him that Peter’s hand was almost limp in his. 

“Anything.”

“Can you… can you look out for them? May and Ned and… MJ?” Peter takes another shaky breath, Tony’s throat constricting.

“Especially MJ. She‘s… she’d never ask for help but she’ll need it, she’ll need… people.” 

Peter looked towards Tony, Tony feeling the slightest pressure in his hand.

“I just, I just want her to be okay.” 

Tony stills, taking in the magnitude of what Peter was asking. 

Tony already knew that he would, that if he couldn’t protect Peter Parker in his life - that Tony would do anything to watch out for the people Peter loved after his death. 

But for Peter to still ask, barely above a whisper - cut through Tony all the same. 

“Yeah, kid. Of course. I’ll keep an eye out for them. _All_ of them.”

_I would do anything for you. _

Peter looks straight into Tony’s eyes for a beat then nods, seemingly understanding the words Tony didn’t say. 

But Tony can see something else in them, another request - though Tony can’t place what it could be.

“Anything else, Pete?”

Peter licks his lips, eyes flitting to the ceiling. He takes a minute to respond, Tony wincing at how hard the kid was working on forming his words. 

“It’s silly.” 

“What, kid? Anything you want. We’ll make it happen.” 

“I, I wish… I wish I could’ve taken her to prom. MJ, she- she said she’d go with me.”

Tony blinks then laughs, Peter smiling in return.

“I wish you could’ve done a lot more than that, kid.”

“Yeah but...” Peter pauses, taking another labored breath before continuing, “prom sounded nice.” Peter closes his eyes, tilting his head to the side. “Normal.”

Tony sighs, feeling the weight of what Peter was saying.

Peter had been given extraordinary powers, doing everything he could to use them all for good. 

He’d missed field trips, quit band practice - had always put others before himself.

Snapping his fingers, saving the universe. 

Even till the end - asking Tony to watch over his family after he was gone, rather than thinking of himself and the years stolen from him - Peter was selfless in a way that Tony knew he’d never find in a person again. 

Peter opens his eyes once more, Tony swallowing down the sob he feels building.

“Thank you, Mister Stark.” Peter takes a shallow breath, squeezing Tony’s hand before slowly closing his eyes. “For everything.” 

As Peter’s breathing starts to even out again, Tony watching as he drifts back off to sleep, he thinks of Michelle - of May, of Ned - and of all the people whose lives would forever be changed when Peter was gone.

Tony can’t think of himself, the grief of it too overwhelming and impossible to consider. 

“Of course, Pete.” Tony’s breath hitches, knowing Peter was already asleep, the weak pressure in his palm already gone. 

He couldn’t fix this, couldn’t change the end that was to come. But even as Peter slept, Tony’s heart breaking as his shoulders start to shake, the sob building in his throat no longer able to be held back - Tony makes a decision. 

Michelle was right, Peter was the best of them all.

No request was too silly or to small — not for Peter. 

Peter wouldn’t make it to prom.

But Tony could do everything in his power to bring prom to him. 

* * *

Ned has seen a lot of crazy things in his life.

Peter crawling across the ceiling in his room, the moment Ned had found out his best friend was the coolest person on the planet.

Peter saving the decathlon team from a falling elevator, then Peter running off to save Mr. Stark’s plane at homecoming.

Peter swinging out of a bus on what should’ve been a simple field trip - Ned flying into a panic from one moment to the next, completely oblivious to the five years that had passed. 

Peter in a hospital room, burns all up and down his arm and face. Burns that had faded - on the outside - until Ned learned the truth. 

Peter - stubborn as hell, insistent and strong - choosing to face his end on his own terms, to live out his life without being constantly hooked up to machines.

Ned hated thinking of it, that Peter’s worst fears were now coming to life. Despite everything that he had said that he wanted, Peter was now hooked up to every machine imaginable - medication and oxygen and fluids keeping him comfortable. 

But there was one noticeable difference, Ned thought as he glanced over to where Michelle was standing, seeing as she worked on opening some kind of streamers with Pepper.

Peter had gotten close to Michelle. 

And even if the thought of his best friend leaving him broke something within him, even if the idea of Peter dying was something still too terrible for Ned to fully comprehend - he was grateful, in a way, that they both had Michelle. 

Ned knew it was awful of him, to be thankful that someone else would be with him - be able to share such a deep and devastating loss. 

But Ned was grateful all the same, smiling as Michelle’s eyebrows furrowed as she untangled a streamer. 

“How’s it coming?” Ned turns his head to May’s voice, looking down to the decorations in his hands. 

“It’s… coming. Hard to figure out where to put everything.”

May laughs, nodding. “I’m not sure how Tony managed to get all of this here so soon.” 

Ned had asked Tony if there was anything he could do, anything to help what he could only think of - even as his mind hated him for it - as Peter’s last request. 

When Ned had mentioned the money he’d saved from the bet - Tony has been dismissive, kind but firm that Ned didn’t have to worry about a thing.

There must’ve been something in Ned’s eyes that changed Tony’s mind, the man taking the money when Ned offered a second time.

Ned wasn’t sure what it was used for, but he felt glad that he could do something - no matter how small - for Peter all the same. 

Ned just smiles to May, shrugging. “Mr. Stark _is_ a billionaire.” 

May’s eyes soften, tilting her head. “You sure you’re okay? Being here? If it gets too much, it’s okay. You know Peter wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“No, I, I know. I know, I just... “ Ned trails off, looking down. 

Ned already knew - and had already talked about it with Peter - about where he’d be when the time came. 

Ned had seen some crazy things in his life. 

But the image of seeing Peter die, of being in the room when it happened - Ned knew it would be too much for him to handle. 

Peter understood, as May said he would. But even if Ned couldn’t bear the idea of actually being there when Peter left, he couldn’t bring himself to leave the Tower for long - knowing he’d hate himself forever if he didn’t still stay close by. 

May seems to understand, putting a hand out to his shoulder.

“I know.” Ned looks up, sees the tears glistening in her eyes and recognizes that she does. 

Ned wasn’t a superhero, didn’t have powers or money or anything he could really give. But as his eyes go back towards Michelle, seeing the look of concentration on her face as she worked with Pepper, Ned was determined. 

Peter was his best friend. He loved him like a brother.

Ned couldn’t save him. 

But he could make sure that he was his guy in the chair one last time - to help Peter have just a few more good memories, one last great night - with Michelle. 

* * *

Peter blinks a few times, almost slumped over in the wheelchair as Tony slowly pushes him forward. 

“Where…. Where are we going?” Tony doesn’t answer, just putting a hand to Peter’s shoulder. 

“Almost there, Pete.” 

The ride down the elevator had been quick, Peter thinking they couldn’t have gone far - to the residence, maybe, though Peter wasn’t sure. 

His mind was fuzzier now, a combination of the drugs and the intense desire to sleep - to _rest_ \- keeping his brain from focusing on anything for too long. 

Tony wheels them a bit further before stopping, adjusting the oxygen tank attached to his chair. 

Peter glanced up in confusion to the closed double doors. 

“What’s---”

“Come on, kid. Time to shine.” Peter goes to speak again when the doors open, his eyes widening in disbelief.

The living room of Tony’s residence had been transformed, dimly lit except for strands of twinkling lights. Peter can vaguely make out streamers, some type of blanketed background but then he looks to the middle of the living room - all the furniture moved away - and sees her.

Michelle. 

She’s in a dress Peter’s never seen before, flowers that are green and blue all intermixed into a pattern that’s delicate, soft and simple.

Peter was already breathless, but the sight of her made him sigh in amazement. 

_She’s beautiful. _

Tony wheels Peter into the room, Peter wishing he was wearing something better than one of Tony’s MIT hoodies. 

He can see May, Pepper, and Ned off to the side, smiling as he glanced over to them before seeing Colonel Rhodes and Happy out of the corner of his other eye. 

“What, what is this?” Peter asks, Michelle walking up to meet him as Tony stops, putting the brakes on the chair and detaching the oxygen tank. 

“This… is prom.” Tony offers.

Peter pauses then smiles, feeling too drained to laugh. Michelle’s eyes glance up to Tony’s then back to his. 

“Is it, is it okay?” Peter hears the vulnerability in her voice, smiling again as he goes to try and stand. Tony and Michelle both help him up, Peter’s legs shaking. 

Peter could barely keep his eyes open, could barely stand upright.

But Tony - Michelle, everyone - had done the impossible tonight.

He had to make it count. 

“You good to stand?” Tony asks. 

Peter straightens up as much as he can, nodding as he channels every ounce of his strength. 

He extends a hand out, focusing on keeping it steady. 

“Dance with me?”

Michelle smiles, her eyes watering as she nods in return. She wraps her arms around Peter’s waist, Peter leaning into her embrace. 

He hears Tony slowly back away, taking the chair. A song they’d heard in the diner begins to play, one he’d mentioned that he liked any time it came on. 

They shuffle from side to side, Peter putting all his concentration to it - holding Michelle as close as he can. The oxygen tank limits his movements but Peter doesn’t care. 

“I can’t believe you all did this.” He can feel Michelle’s grip on him tighten as she nestles her head into the crook of his shoulder. 

“Of course, Pete. You know Stark would do anything for you.” 

“Yeah… I know.” Peter glances up to him, seeing the watery smile Tony gave as the two of them danced. 

The song continued to play, Peter smiling as he held her close.

“MJ.”

“Hmm?” 

He leans back, Michelle’s eyes searching his face.

“I’m… I’m sorry we couldn’t go to prom.” 

Peter sees her chin tremble for a second before she straightens her jaw, bringing a hand to his face. 

“What do you mean, Pete? We’re here.” 

Peter leans into her hand, closing his eyes. They’re barely swaying now, Peter’s concentration failing. Michelle seems to pick up on this, running her thumb across his cheek.

“Are you okay? Do you need to sit?”

“No,” Peter wheezes, opening his eyes. “I’m good. I’m good.” He smiles, or tries to - looking into her eyes. 

“I’m here. With you.”

Michelle smiles back, nodding a bit too quickly. Peter exhales, leaning his forehead against hers.

“You know, I used to wonder if there was a reason I got bit, if there was some greater purpose behind it all.” 

Michelle bites her lip, Peter’s eyes closing as he took as deep a breath as he could. 

“And I think maybe there was, for everything. The bite, the snap, all of it. Maybe… it wasn’t just for everyone else. Maybe the universe meant for it to happen.” 

Michelle lets out a sharp laugh, Peter pressing forward. 

“Cause if it didn’t, I'd never have gotten closer to you.”

Michelle lets out another laugh, though it sounds more like a sob, Peter brushing his nose against hers.

“I love you, MJ.” 

Michelle takes a shaky breath, Peter smiling as she whispers back.

“I love you too.” 

Being there, holding her close - surrounded by the people he loved - Peter wondered if there was anything more that he could’ve done, anything else in his life that could’ve ever topped this. 

He loved Michelle, loved his family - his friends. It was a small thing, silly but Peter shouldn’t have been so surprised that Tony would’ve moved heaven and earth to give it to him.

Peter had been to space, had seen the depths of the universe when he snapped his fingers. 

But swaying as much as he could, holding the love of his life in his arms, Peter thought that there was nothing - _nothing_ \- that could ever surpass this feeling of total bliss. 

* * *

Michelle had never had any desire to go to prom. 

She always used to think it was a waste of time, a waste of money and emotions. All of her ambitions and plans didn’t revolve around enjoying anything in high school or trying to recreate any kind of nostalgic memory. 

Michelle couldn’t wait to leave - until she met Peter. 

Dancing with Peter in a living room - a pseudo prom that she knew the real one could never compare to, Michelle held on tightly to that moment - to Peter - willing with everything within her that she could do something to prolong it. 

She loved Peter, more than she ever planned. More than she could have ever expressed. 

And as she held him upright, heart breaking at the thought that he could barely stand, Michelle willed herself to live right there in the moment - right where she was. 

She didn’t think of the future. She couldn’t think of any plans. 

All she could think of was Peter. 

Swaying in step with him, tears falling down her face, Michelle just held him closer - wishing that she never had to let go. 

* * *

Cho had told them it was imminent - that death had no timetable, no schedule or plan. It was inconvenient and messy, something Michelle could barely reconcile within herself. She thrived on organization and plans, but she couldn’t imagine a world where she would ever be prepared enough for this 

Three days later, when her and Ned were already on their way to the Tower from school, Michelle knew the minute the phone rang - even if she couldn’t explain it - that the time had finally come.

Happy’s grip on the wheel tightened as he drove faster, Michelle immediately going to grab Ned’s hand. They shared a quick glance, saying nothing but meaning everything as Happy sped down the street. 

Michelle felt the panic in her gut, turning to look out of the window - seeing buildings fly past her.

It was disorienting, horrifying - knowing that they were racing against time itself.

They’re at the Tower before Michelle can make sense of it, make sense of what she’s walking into - simultaneously drawn to Peter while still wishing she could run away as far and as fast as possible.

Michelle had always admired how quiet the elevators in the Tower had been, how quickly they moved without any sense of the speed of the ascent. 

But now it felt as if she had vertigo, a twisting in her gut and a tightness in her chest the closer and closer she got to the floor where Peter was. 

Michelle rushed forward as soon as the doors open, leaving Ned behind as she saw a familiar face in the hallway. 

“Pepper, is he—”

“Not yet, but you should… you should go in.”

Michelle nods, before pausing - giving her a hug that Pepper freely returns. 

“It’s okay. We’re all here, we’ll all be here.”

Michelle sniffles, Pepper’s grip tightening before letting her go - her hands on her shoulders as she looked into Michelle’s face.

Pepper says nothing more but just like with Ned in the car, Michelle doesn’t need words to understand what she’s saying.

_We’re all here for him. _

_We’re all here for you. _

_We’ll get through this together. _

Michelle straightens her shoulders, turning away from Pepper and stepping in to Peter’s room. 

Walking in, seeing him - takes her breath away. 

May is holding his head in her lap, softly pushing his hair back as she whispered to him. Peter’s breathing is haggard, a wheeze that cuts at Michelle as soon as she hears it. She turns to Tony, seeing him sit on the bed by Peter’s leg. 

He turns to face her and Michelle sees the fear and panic mirrored in his eyes. 

They’d known this was coming, it’s something Michelle had tried and failed to prepare herself for. 

But they were together. All together - for each other.

For Peter. 

She glances back to Peter, sees as he turns his head. 

“MJ?” His voice is so light, Michelle can barely hear it - rushing forward as tears start to form. 

“Hey, hey, I’m here.” Peter doesn’t answer, wheezing again as Michelle glances up to May. 

May is transfixed, staring into Peter’s face, a look that breaks something within her. She looks back to Peter, sees the ghost of a smile on his face. 

“Stay with me.” Michelle goes to grab his hand, pressing her lips to knuckles.

“I’m not leaving, Pete.” Michelle climbs into bed beside him, curling herself into him like she had for weeks. May adjusts her hold on him, pushing more of his hair back. 

Peter glances back up to May, a question on his face even as he doesn’t say anything. 

“We’re here for you baby, we’re not going anywhere.” Peter’s breath rattles, Michelle looking back to Tony frantically.

“The medication will kick in soon.” His voice is low, barely above a whisper, Michelle watching as the grip of Tony’s hand on Peter’s leg tightens. Tony’s eyes are red-rimmed, Michelle seeing his own jaw trembling. 

Michelle turns back to Peter, who was staring back at her. 

“Hey.” 

“Hey.” Michelle’s voice breaks, bringing the hand that wasn’t enclosed around his to his face. 

“I love you.” 

Michelle swallows, biting her lip.

_Together. We’re here together. For you. Always for you._

“I love you, Peter. So, _so_ much.” Peter glances back towards May. 

“I love you baby. Always.” Michelle watches as Peter’s eyes go towards Tony, his breath becoming more and more labored. 

“More than anything, kid. More than you’ll ever know.” Tony’s breath hitches, Michelle watching in terror as Peter starts to close his eyes.

“I love you.” Peter whispers. Michelle’s heart feels like it’s shattering, glancing at May and Tony. He says it no one and yet to all of them, each of them lost to the miserable grief overtaking them. 

Michelle wondered how much time they had left, if Peter could sense it. 

She’d woken up this morning with Peter in her life, but she was horrified at the idea that today - tonight - she’d fall asleep in a world without him. 

“Peter.” 

Peter slowly opens his eyes, Michelle running her thumb across his face as he wheezed once again. 

He locked eyes with Michelle, a look of love that overwhelms her - causing her heart to skip a beat.

_I love you. I love you. I love you. _

Peter just blinks, looking into her eyes. 

And smiles. 

* * *

_The world starts to get quiet for Peter, memories and feelings all floating around him._

_Time passes. Or maybe it doesn’t. Peter’s not so sure anymore. _

_He feels Michelle’s hand on his face, Tony going to hold his other hand, May’s soft fingers threading through his hair._

_._

_._

_._

_._

_Peter had read somewhere that when you die, you get a highlight reel - snippets of all your best moments right before the end._

_Yet when the moment comes - or at least when Peter thinks it does - Peter doesn’t see a highlight reel._

_He just sees the people he loves. _

_._

_._

_._

_._

_He sees May’s soft smile, the times they’d dance around the kitchen, laughing about what place to get takeout from. _

_He sees Tony in the Iron Man suit, teasing him in the workshop, joking with him. Pepper and Morgan coming to visit him, Colonel Rhodes, Happy and Mr. Banner - talking to him and laughing over cards. _

_He sees Ned by his side, walking down the school halls - watching movies and playing video games, hours and hours spent talking about the things they loved. _

_And Michelle._

_Peter sees endless and endless moments with Michelle. _

_He sees her smile, the way her head fell back as she laughed. Peter sees her walking beside him, hand in hand - in Baltimore, in New York, in school. _

_He sees quiet study dates where they never studied for long, stolen moments where he’d looked into her eyes, a love in them that would take his breath away. _

_He sees her leading decathlon, their hours spent in the diner. Watching movies on his couch, laughing with her family over dinner. _

_Peter doesn’t see his life._

_Peter just sees the people he loves. _

_._

_._

_._

_._

_When Peter drifts, it’s quiet. _

_Unlike the months and months of suffering, Peter doesn’t feel any kind of pain at all._

_As his breathing gets heavier, the act of it becoming more and more difficult — there’s no pain in it, no struggle. _

_Peter feels his eyes close, his body feeling inexplicably light - like time was slipping away from him. _

_But he doesn’t feel scared or pain._

_Peter can still barely hear May’s soft cries, the pressure of Tony’s hand, Michelle bringing her face closer to his. _

_It’s softer than he expected, peaceful - like the quiet moments just before falling asleep. _

_As his mind begins to slow, the sense of this world fading away, Peter relishes in the fact that for the first time in months - in years - he doesn’t feel burdened. _

_He doesn’t feel any hurt or struggle, doesn’t feel any pain - the world around him just slowly slipping away. _

_When Peter finally drifts off into the great unknown, he feels nothing. _

_Nothing — _

_But love. _

_Relentless and overwhelming love._


	15. Epilogue.

FIVE YEARS LATER

.

.

.

.

.

“I thought I’d find you out here.” 

Tony glances back to Pepper, seeing the smile on her face. Tony just smiled in return, turning back out to the city.

“It’s nice up here, quiet.” Tony nods his head towards the skyline as Pepper walks up behind him. 

“Makes you forget that there’s millions of people down there, raising hell and making a mess of things.” Pepper’s hand goes to his arm, moving him to face her. 

Pepper must see the sadness in his eyes, a look that Tony knows will never go away. 

“You know you don’t have to sit in on meetings with them. They’ll figure it out, Kamala’s got a good head on her shoulders.”

Tony nods. “I know, I know. They’re a good team. They don’t even need me, really.” Tony’s eyes shift away from Pepper’s, looking back towards the city.

“But listening in, helping, I don’t know, Pep. Makes me wish he had the chance to… ” Tony trails off. 

Pepper’s arms wrap around him, bringing Tony closer as he looks back to her. 

“Five years, Pep.”

“I know.” 

Tony shakes his head, Pepper bringing him closer to her.

_ Five years. Ten, really. A decade without you, Pete. _

_ I don’t know how I’m gonna keep doing this without you. _

Tony concentrated on Pepper’s breathing, grounding himself in her embrace. 

He would do it, he would keep going - he had to. For Pepper, for Morgan.

For Peter.

And for Michelle. 

The thought of her reminds him of what day it was, quickly moving out of Pepper’s arms as her eyebrows went up.

“What time is Michelle getting here?” Pepper’s look of surprise transforms into a warm smile, her hand moving to Tony’s face.

“Any minute, it’s why I came looking for you. I thought you might’ve forgot.”

Tony smiles, leaning his head into her hand.

“Never.”

* * *

He’d been kept up to date of Michelle’s life through May and Pepper, pictures and videos and messages from Michelle herself whenever she could.

Tony promised himself - and Peter - that he’d watch out for her, that Tony would be there for her no matter what. 

May had moved out of the city, working in a group home upstate. Ned had found a good job in Canada last he checked, making a mental note to reach out again soon. 

But Tony’s priority had been Michelle. 

Despite the chasm of grief that filled the space between them - the constant reminder of the one who had originally brought them together and yet was no longer there - Tony had made good on his promise.

He couldn’t save Peter, but Tony had promised him that he’d spend the rest of his protecting the people Peter had loved. 

Tony smiles to himself, glancing through the pictures again on his phone as he waits. 

Michelle at the summit of Kilimanjaro. A selfie with some type of monkey in Bali. Drinking tea with the locals in Nepal.

As Tony scrolled through the photos, a pang of remorse flowed through him - thinking of the things Peter missed out on. 

It’s not something he dwells on as much as he did in the early days - when every sunrise mocked him, every sunset a curse.

The year after Peter died was a blur of grief to him now, agonizingly long days and sleepless nights. None of the people who had been there that day - much less the ones who had been in the room - had been equipped to handle it. 

The memory of Peter’s last moments tormented Tony. The sudden stop of his chest, feeling the air and earth change the moment he stopped breathing. 

Yet the memory that had haunted Tony the most was the image of Michelle, face inches away from Peter’s, still looking at him as if she expected him to open his eyes just one more time.

Tony couldn’t have prevented Michelle from being there - nor could he have robbed Peter of having her with him - but the brokenness in her expression, the desolation in her eyes that Tony couldn’t have imagined for someone so young to have - had kept Tony up for months, almost years.

Now, five years later - the memory of Peter’s last moments were colored in a different light. Tony thinking now - with time, with distance - that if there had to have been an end for him, if Peter could’ve chosen it for himself - that there was no better way than what Peter had been given.

Held tightly, drifting gently, surrounded by the people he loved - and who loved him - the most. 

It was a memory he held on to on the bad nights or in the moments his meetings with Kamala and the new Avengers got too much for Tony to handle. 

The loss of Peter was still too great for him to try and make sense of it - Tony wondered if he would ever be able to - but he did everything he could to make sure that Peter’s memory was kept alive. 

The world knew now of what Peter had done, the snap that had saved them all even if it had taken Peter away from them. Tony had been the one to lead the charge for a memorial, a physical and public reminder of the sacrifice that Peter had given. 

But even though Tony knew the memorial for Spider-Man - for Peter - wasn’t enough to replace the hole Peter had left in the universe when he died - Tony could at least reconcile with himself that the love that he, May, Ned, Michelle and so many others had given him in life, would now shared by everyone - by the world - for years and years to come. 

* * *

As he waited for Michelle to join him in the living room, knowing she was first meeting with Pepper, Tony thought back to those early days. Tony hadn’t been the first one to suggest Michelle’s deferment from college, but it was one that he had supported wholeheartedly. 

Tony had been prepared to make the case with her and with her family but it seemed as if they took the initiative, telling him as much when he arrived for Midtown’s graduation.

He was in no position to be anywhere in public so soon, not even two months after Peter had died. But Tony has made a promise to the kid - to watch out for May, Ned and Michelle - and he was fully committed to it.

When Ned walked across the stage, Tony cheered. When Michelle did, Tony cried. 

Michelle had seemed listless during the ceremony, a vacant expression on her face. Tony had hoped that the accomplishment could somehow bring her some small slice of happiness in the haze of her grief but seeing the look in her eyes - one that reminded him too much of his own - told him everything he needed to know. 

Michelle had been in no position to start a new life when she was still so immersed in unimaginable grief.

She was strong, passionate and bright - Tony’s admiration of her only growing with time. But it had still been too soon for her to even think of leaving, especially when Tony knew a piece of her had been buried with Peter. 

Pepper had been the one to suggest extending the internship into the unplanned gap year, something that Harvard itself seemed to recommend

Now, five years later - Tony was thankful that Michelle had agreed. 

That first year was spent traveling with Pepper, Michelle learning about business and law through first-hand experience. Her parents hadn’t been too thrilled with the idea of her being gone for so long but seemed to recognize - as Tony did - that even if she was in no position to make the move to college just yet, Michelle couldn’t stay in New York. 

For a city of millions, Tony could sense that Michelle felt what he did - that the city would forever feel empty because of the loss of one. 

Tony traveled with them when he could, Morgan in tow. The missing space of the one who should’ve been there never left Tony, but as time went on - Tony wondered how he’d ever lived without Michelle’s presence in his life, the early days of his guarded resentment towards her long forgotten. 

When the time came for Michelle to actually move-in at Harvard, Tony had been hesitant - if only because he and Pepper were unsure of how to ask if they could tag along. They’d gotten close to her and Tony wanted to make sure her transition at school went okay.

Michelle’s mom had been the one to reach out, connecting about travel plans as if their being there wasn’t even a question. 

Moving her into a dorm room that Tony thought was too small and cramped, side by side with Michelle’s father as they each carried boxes and shared a look as they took in their surroundings, solidified the feeling he had known in his heart for some time. 

He had promised Peter that he would be there for Michelle. But after a year of getting to know her, spending time with her, making her a part of his family - Tony knew that he loved her now just as he loved Peter - a daughter in everything but name. 

But even after Michelle started school at Harvard, sending Tony and Pepper messages of funny stories, stupid people and commentary about the things she was studying, she never seemed to stay in Cambridge for long.

Weekend trips upstate to visit them, long weekends with her parents, spring breaks spent doing service work, long summers where she saw the world.

Tony hadn’t been surprised when she told them about her acceptance into Stanford law, his only concern being why she seemed intent to now finally leave the east coast. 

But Tony - of all people - could understand.

New York was a city of millions, the states around her filled with people who loved her dearly.

Yet no matter how much time passed - no matter how many years Tony knew they both had yet to live - he knew there would be nothing and no one that could fill the space that Peter had left behind.

* * *

“Hey Tony.”

Tony smiles as he walks up to greet her, Michelle standing to give him a hug. She’d just finished catching up with Pepper, leaving behind a present for Morgan who she knew was off at school. 

Michelle hadn’t asked to meet Tony alone but as he always did - he seemed to understand her. 

“Hey kid, how you doing?” Tony’s arms wrap around her, Michelle breathing in the faint scent of cologne, sweat and motor oil. It didn’t make sense to Michelle, knowing that Tony rarely tinkered in his lab much these days - but then Michelle wondered if it was more of a memory that tricked her mind, the knowledge of how Peter used to describe Tony to her. 

“I’m okay, just stopping by for a bit before I head out.” Tony leans back, motioning for them to sit.

“You sure you don’t need any help? I told your dad that I’d be happy to ship out your stuff if--”

Michelle shakes her head, smiling. “No, no I’m good. I think a good old-fashioned road trip would be nice. Besides,” Michelle rolls her eyes, “I hear law school doesn’t allow you a lot of time for adventures.”

Tony smiles in return, settling into his chair. “No, I don’t think it does.” 

A comfortable silence falls between them before Tony speaks up again.

“We’re really proud of you, Michelle. All of us.” Michelle says nothing, smiling. 

“Peter would be too.” 

Michelle pauses, taking a deep breath before smiling again.

Five years without him, five years of life - a full, unimaginably rich life - yet the hole in her heart that Peter left would never fully heal.

Thinking of him didn't feel like the gaping wound it had been - five years proving to her that while time and distance could never erase the unfathomable loss of living without Peter - it had given her perspective, a chance to see her short time with him in a new light. 

Michelle had a lot of moments to think of, in the past five years - countless memories that she could hold on to.

Seeing Paris, London and Rome - exploring cities with the kind of freedom and reckless abandon that only came from traveling on a Stark funded excursion. 

Jumping out of airplanes, cliff-diving, hiking up mountains that she could barely pronounce. 

Late nights at _ The Crimson _, multi-tasking between deadlines, applications to law school and finishing final assignments. 

Michelle had thousands of moments and memories to draw from. Almost too many to name.

Yet sitting across from Tony, in a living room that five years ago had looked very different - Michelle’s mind went back to those last moments with Peter. 

The moment Peter had told her the truth, the gut-wrenching agony when she first saw him in that hospital bed. 

The memory of that last dance, holding him close and wishing they had more time. 

As Tony’s voice continued, Michelle’s mind was elsewhere - memories flooding back to her in waves. 

The memory of laying beside him in his bed, how quickly Peter faded just beyond her grasp.

The moment he closed his eyes for the last time. 

The moment just a few minutes later - when Peter died. 

Michelle had a million moments with Peter, a thousand she could reflect on.

While the last memories she had of Peter still ached within her, the memory of her hand to his face - feeling the exact moment Peter had drifted away breaking some part of her - Michelle had so many other memories to hold on to. 

The first moment Harrington had put them together, the memory of Peter’s sheepish smile.

Hours and hours spent at the diner, teasing each other - those small moments of dancing around their feelings before they’d ever admitted them to each other, much less themselves. 

The flirty moments in a small bar in Baltimore, the night of their first kiss. 

The moments they stole together, afternoons that seemed to drag on endlessly - perfectly and blissfully. 

The moments spent laughing, arguing over nothing, watching movies and quietly doing homework.

Michelle had countless memories of Peter. And even if the last ones had devastated her, wrecked her for months and years before she could even begin to try and make sense of them - Michelle knew the vision of Peter standing in front of her, hand extended as he waited for that last dance - would stay with her forever. 

“You still with me?”

Michelle perks up, blinking a few times. “Sorry, Tony what was that?”

Tony just smiles at her. 

“Just something Morgan said. You know she tells everyone at school now that her big sister made it into Stanford.” 

Michelle laughs. “I’m sorry I’ll miss her but if I don’t head out now…” Tony waves his hands. 

“It’s fine, she understands. Besides, we’ll see you around Thanksgiving right?” 

There’s a hope in his eyes that Michelle still doesn’t understand, a question of wondering if she’d ever let them go. 

There was no Peter to connect them anymore - nothing on paper that justified why she stayed in touch. 

But Michelle knew as well as Tony did that Peter’s presence - and his loss - was something that didn’t need explaining. 

She was moving across the country - a new start in more ways than one - but Michelle considered the relationship she had Tony, Pepper and Morgan just as real and as close to her as her own family. 

Peter had been the reason they were brought together. And even five years after he left, Michelle knew that no matter what - the love they had shared would bind them together forever. 

“Yeah, I’ll be there. Let Happy know I’ll be ready to kick his ass at football again.”

Tony laughs. 

“Yeah, I’ll tell him.”

Michelle takes a deep breath, before going to stand. “Well, I should head out. I promised my mom I’d call her when I was out on the road and if I don’t leave now, she’ll think I changed my mind and decided to stay in New York.”

Tony stands up, a look on his face that Michelle doesn’t recognize.

“You know no one would blame you if you did.”

Michelle just nods, looking away. “Yeah, I know.” 

Her eyes glance around the living room, Tony looking around.

The memory of the prom they’d given Peter comes back to her, and from the look on Tony’s face - it’s on his mind too.

“I miss him.”

Tony closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Me too, kid. Me too.”

Tony walks up to her, hands in his pockets. 

“There’s a lot of things I regret in my life, but that’s probably my biggest one.”

“What?”

Tony purses his lips as he looks downward. 

“That I was never able to find something to help him Found something to save him.” Tony lets out a sharp laugh. “But what do I know huh? Never been in the business of miracles.”

Michelle pauses, seeing the hurt in his eyes. It was a mirror of how Michelle had felt for so long in her own life, something she could recognize and name. 

Michelle had seen the world without Peter, a dream that he’d had for her and a promise that she had told herself she’d keep - even in the blur of that first year without him. 

Peter was gone, Michelle couldn’t bring him back, no matter how much she wished she could. 

But loving him - and him loving her - had changed her, altered her view of the world in more ways than one. 

Michelle still missed Peter with every fiber of her being. But Michelle knew that she couldn’t leave without Tony understanding the truth. 

“But you did, Tony.”

Tony looks back to her, Michelle continuing.

“It was you. You brought him back, helped bring everyone back.” Michelle feels something lodged in her throat, swallowing it down as she continued. 

“I never talked to Peter before the Blip, not really. And even if I still miss him,” Michelle pauses, taking a deep breath, “I wouldn’t trade the time I had with him for anything. Time I wouldn’t have had if we’d never came back.” 

Michelle sighs, shaking her head. “None of us remember what happened in the Blip but Peter doing what he did, he never regretted it. Not once. And he was right. If you hadn’t brought us back, if he hadn’t snapped, we never would’ve found each other like we did.” 

“He should’ve had more time. I wish I could’ve given it to him, given him something--”

“You did all that you could.” Michelle brings a hand out to his shoulder, feeling the tears in her eyes. “And Peter would hate that you still blame yourself for it.”

Tony seems to consider her words, a darkness passing over his face. Michelle watches as he shakes it away, looking back into her eyes. 

“You’re a good kid, Michelle. Have I ever told you that?”

The memory of their conversation by Peter’s bedside comes back to her, Michelle giving him a watery-eyed smile. “Yeah, you’ve mentioned it once or twice.” 

Tony brings her into a fierce hug, Michelle returning it as she closed her eyes. 

Michelle knew the move to Stanford was good for her and she was excited to finally begin to study the things that she loved. 

But the warmth of Tony’s hug reminded her that when Michelle left - that even if her family would be waiting for her, Michelle’s move was a shift in more ways than one.

She used to dream of getting out of New York but now, on the cusp of leaving for good, Michelle was struck with the permanence of it. 

Peter was buried in the cemetery across the island, in a plot right next to Ben. And even if Michelle knew she’d be back to the city for holidays, knew that New York would always be her home - Michelle couldn’t help but think that her leaving felt final in more ways than one. 

* * *

Michelle watches as the tower fades out of sight, turning on to the highway that would take her out west. 

Her hands grip the steering wheel, looking back once more before turning her eyes forward - taking a deep breath. 

She drives in silence for a few moments before going for the radio. 

Michelle lets out a sharp laugh, eyes filling with tears at the sound. 

The song she’d danced with Peter to during their makeshift prom fills her car, her vision getting blurry as it played.

It was a coincidence, a fluke in the universe - yet Michelle couldn’t help but think that it was also somehow a message to her - Peter whispering to her one last time. 

The memory of Peter, the first time they’d ever heard the song comes back to her in an instant.

* * *

“So I’m thinking next week we should—“ Peter stops, eyes going up to the ceiling.

“What?” Michelle asked, tilting her head. 

Peter smiled, Michelle’s heartbeat quickening at the sight. Decathlon was next week, Michelle knowing that their time together was coming to an end. She wasn’t sure how much longer Peter would want to hang out, or if he even wanted to. 

She’d catch him glance at her in the hallway, would see how his hand seemed to linger on markers as he passed them back to her in decathlon practice, the smile he'd give her when their shoulders brushed by each other as they talked to the team. But Michelle was hesitant, wondering if maybe it was all in her head. 

As much as she had originally hated the idea of getting to co-lead decathlon with him, Michelle couldn’t help but feel inexplicably sad at the idea that she wouldn’t get to spend nearly as much time with him as she had in the past few weeks. 

“What?” Michelle asked again, watching as Peter’s eyes lit up as he looked back to her. 

“This song, it’s uh, it was my grandpa’s favorite.” 

“Oh.” Michelle says, realizing that she hadn’t been paying much attention to the music that played in the diner. It was always playing softly in the background, only catching her attention when the shift in tempo went from slow to wildly upbeat. But considering Peter was Spider-Man, even if he still hadn’t told her, Michelle wasn’t too surprised that he seemed to pick up on it. 

“My Uncle Ben, he told me about it once. It came up on the radio one day but before I could change it, he stopped me, told me that my grandma and grandpa had danced to it at their wedding.” 

Peter’s eyes go elsewhere, Michelle stilling as she watched him get lost in his memories. 

“He said my mom and dad, uh, they’d danced to it at theirs too. I didn’t know, till Ben told me.” Michelle just nods, biting her lip as Peter continued. 

“I don’t know, anytime I hear it now, I think of them. My parents, my grandparents.” A beat. “Ben.”

Michelle listens to the song, really listens before giving Peter a small smile.

“It’s pretty.”

Peter’s eyes go back to hers, a searing look in them as he smiles back. 

“Yeah. Beautiful.” 

Michelle feels her heartbeat quicken once more, blinking a few times before she turns back to her notes. 

“Well, I think we’re set for next week. What do you think?”

Peter says nothing, Michelle moving her head to look back at him. 

“Yeah, I think we’re ready.” He finally says, nodding as he went to pack up his stuff. Michelle puts her head back down, but before she does, she sees a glimpse of Peter’s smile once more - Michelle feeling her insides warm - the only sound between them now the ambiance of the diner and the sound of his grandparent’s song playing softly in the background. 

* * *

Michelle quickly wiped away a tear, tightening her grip on the steering wheel.

Losing Peter had been the hardest thing she’d ever done, the hardest thing Michelle thinks she would ever have to do. 

It was a loss that ached in the deepest parts of her soul, a piercing and agonizing emptiness that had kept her up at night for years. 

Michelle used to think - especially in the weeks and months immediately after he’d died - that she had loved Peter so fully, so completely, that she couldn’t ever imagine falling in love ever again. 

Michelle had never planned on falling for Peter, and yet now - despite everything - Michelle couldn’t imagine her life without him. 

As the city fades off into the background, the road and the scenery in front of her shifting, Michelle sighed. 

Michelle had never believed in love, never really imagined that love - if it was even worth it - would ever find her. 

And yet, at seventeen - it had. 

Peter had opened her up in a million different ways, his love changing her in a way that she would never trade, a love that still felt like the stuff of galaxies and worlds and universes. 

Peter had been the boy she had never expected, falling in love something she hadn’t ever dreamed. Michelle still missed him, still sometimes woke up dreaming of him - of a world or a universe where he was right alongside her, going on adventures and living out the rest of their lives together. 

Michelle let the melody wash over her, sighing. 

_ "I'll find you in the morning sun, _

_ And when the night is new, _

_ I'll be looking at the moon, _

_ But I'll be seeing you." _

Michelle swallowed down another wave of tears, looking up to the sky - hoping that wherever Peter was, he could feel it, the truth she would never deny. 

_ I’ll never stop loving you. _

But as the song continues to play, warmth flows through her, as if Peter was whispering back to her. 

_ And I’ll always love you. _

Michelle couldn’t imagine herself falling in love again anytime soon. Couldn’t imagine that there would be anyone who could ever fill the space in her heart that Peter left behind.

Yet loving Peter had changed her - in an impossible and immeasurable number of ways. Had showed her - in more ways than one - that even if life didn’t turn out like she could’ve expected, even if it sometimes still hurt like hell - that there was always a possibility, always a chance to believe in the unexpected. 

That it didn’t matter how much time you had, only that you lived every moment to the fullest. 

It’s a whisper out to the universe, a promise she gives to herself. 

No one could ever replace Peter. But Michelle knew it was foolish of her to think that someone ever could. 

She’d meant what she’d said to Tony and now, Michelle realized - she had to live it out. 

She wouldn’t trade the months she’d had with Peter for anything, packing more love in a few months than some did in a lifetime. 

And now, twenty-three and heading off into the great unknown, Michelle knew that she had to open herself up to new possibilities.

New dreams. New risks. New chances. 

To the idea that love may find her again. 

Maybe lightning would strike twice. Maybe she’d meet someone someday who would remind her of what was good, and perfect and wonderful in the world - someone who would show her that love could never be replaced, but only changed - transforming as it created new spaces within her soul, ones that she never could’ve imagined - had it not been for Peter. 

Michelle couldn’t imagine it now, couldn’t really dream of it. 

But as she continued to drive on, the song that she’d danced with Peter to still ringing in her ears, Michelle smiled. 

It was a far off possibility, one that she couldn’t really think of just yet.

But knowing what she did now, feeling Peter’s love wrap around her as she drove towards the future, Michelle thought that maybe, someday — 

She would. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die." - Thomas Campbell_
> 
> The song: [I'll Be Seeing You by Billie Holiday](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l44_n60QQ8)
> 
> Writing this story has been an emotional journey, one that while I'm so sad to see its end - I can't help but feel content. A special shoutout to [blondsak ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blondsak)and [frostysunflowers ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostysunflowers) for listening to me cry about this story for what feels like years, _especially_ to blondsak who gave the galaxy brain idea of Peter snapping being the reason why his radiation turned against him. Doing an A Walk to Remember AU is something I loved the idea of but without their support, I'm not sure I would've made it this far. 
> 
> And thank YOU all for your outpouring of love for this story, it really means more to me than you'll ever know. I've [written a lot ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18552091/chapters/43973215)about what it means to go on after loss and while it _never_ gets easier, there is always hope. 
> 
> And love. 
> 
> Relentless, overwhelming love.


End file.
